Venting it’s getting hard to hold on

[ghostspace]

guys, I'm so tired. I have to wait at least until mid-November to CTB due to some obligations I have for others, but each day has been slower and slower and I have never felt so lonely, lost, or afraid.

I actually talked to my dad about wanting assisted suicide so that it would be easier for my family and he basically said it's whatever and talked about all his problems lol.

I'm truly ready. I'll never stop feeling afraid of dying but it's only a bus ride to a better, more peaceful place. it's a state of transition and transitions can sometimes be scary and uncomfortable, but they aren't that way forever.

I wish more then anything that I could have my family's support, I don't want to be alone when I go and I wish I could be honest with them the way a terminally ill person can be. it's not what's best for them in this situation. my death will be quiet and lonely but my life is already that way, so there's nothing to be afraid of.

anyways, when it's time I know I'll have all of you by my side as I ride off into the dark.

I haven't had the energy to message or post much, I sincerely apologize, I've not been well and haven't been able to find the energy for much outside of basic self-care. I hope you understand.

I won't be going anywhere without updating on here again ♡

I love you, SS, thanks to the knowledge of this site and the support of this community, I'll be home soon.

 

[Ghost2211]

I'm sorry to hear you're not getting support at home. I'm always here if you want to talk, and I'll be there to hug you goodbye if you get on the bus.

 

[allym101]

You're not alone, you have us. We'll be here for you until you reach your end destination

 

[Good4Nothing]

Your thread title reminds me of a song:

"Tell everybody waiting for Superman
That they should try to hold on the best they can.
He hasn't dropped them, forgot them, or anything.
It's just too heavy for Superman to lift".

 

[Metalhead]

With you every step of the way, safe travels.

 

[BPD Barbie]

Sending the love right back at you . Sorry to hear that your conversation with your dad ended up being about him, well done for opening up though, can't have been easy for you to do. You have this whole forums support and love for whatever you choose to do, don't forget that