link182
Member
- Jan 31, 2026
- 10
I attempted suicide 3 times already, the first attempt I swallowed caffeine powder and was extremely sick. The second attempt was hypothermia and it caused multiple organ failure but i was rushed to the hospital during the middle of the attempt. It was my closest brush with death and if i was given just a few more hours i would be dead. And my third attempt was a massive wellbutrin overdose which caused violent seizures. I spent 2 times in mental wards the first stay was the longest after the hypothermia attempt i was in a mental ward for over 2 weeks. I do not think people understand me in fact its like I'm speaking a foreign language or something. My baseline is suicidal thinking for so many reasons starting with I want to be left alone I'm a ball of anxiety around others and yet i can't find the solitude i need for survival. I do not live alone because i can not afford it. I take Uber to get around which causes extreme anxiety and cold sweats. I identify as a schizoid but people think I'm crazy or something as if they know me better than i know myself. I not asking if im a schizoid im flat out saying that i am one. Let me be clear i do not need or want human contact its all just noise to me. The fact i can not get away from other people is one of the main reasons im suicidal. My anxiety grows and i want to just pick up a bat and cause serious damage to everything around me. What happens if i ever get the solitude i want? would the suicidal thinking go away? i don't know and likely will never be given the chance to find out. Its more likely i will actually succeed in an attempt i mean each one i learn something. Only just the other day I learned about how serious the hypothermia attempt was up until now it was information that was kept from me. If i could speak directly to my own existence i would say this, give me what I need and see what happens or don't, and accept what happens next.
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