It sucks when the one thing that gave you hope ends up not being enough

[stoicseal]

I always figured that once I found my soulmate I would regain my will to live. Now I have found him, and while I'm so grateful to have gotten the chance to experience true love, I still am intent on leaving this world.

It's really always just been a matter of time for me, and I can feel it getting closer and closer. The love of my life has certainly made biding the time easier, and there's the odd moment that I contemplate our future together. But realistically, I know what has to be done. I just don't want to be here

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that in my case, I would never want to live no matter what happens. This life really can be so depressing and disappointing. I'm sorry that you are going through this, and I wish you the best, I hope you find relief from your suffering in whatever you decide to do.

 

[CommitSudoku]

I sometimes felt the same, believing that finding "love" would fix me and give me a reason to be here. I pursued it and was broken and left behind. Quite honestly my depression probably contributed to us falling apart as well so I can only blame myself while constantly missing her. At this point she won't even know when I leave. I'm glad you found your soulmate and I hope you can continue to treasure them for as long as you're around. It's your choice what you do and I hope you can decide on what you think is best for yourself. Best wishes whatever you decide to do.

 

[stupid little girl]

I'm sorry you still feel that way. I'm worried about ending up in a similar position. While I don't have a spouse I always hoped that having someone to love and who will love me in that way will keep me from wanting to kill myself. Whatever you decide I hope you make the best choice for you.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

That's extremely disappointing and I'm sorry you still feel this way. For what it's worth though, I'm glad you were able to test this theory out so that people like me won't erroneously get our hopes up if they too thought this was our only chance left in the world.

 

[stoicseal]

I sometimes felt the same, believing that finding "love" would fix me and give me a reason to be here. I pursued it and was broken and left behind. Quite honestly my depression probably contributed to us falling apart as well so I can only blame myself while constantly missing her. At this point she won't even know when I leave. I'm glad you found your soulmate and I hope you can continue to treasure them for as long as you're around. It's your choice what you do and I hope you can decide on what you think is best for yourself. Best wishes whatever you decide to do.

Thanks for the kind words, and I'm sorry that you went through that. Heartbreak is an unrivaled type of pain. I hope you can learn to forgive yourself though, because depression is not your fault.
I do understand though. my depression is definitely eating away at my relationship as well, and for whatever reason he still thinks I'm worth it despite how ugly of a person I become at my lowest. Sometimes I wish he would dump me, that way I could get that final push to just ctb once and for all

I'm sorry you still feel that way. I'm worried about ending up in a similar position. While I don't have a spouse I always hoped that having someone to love and who will love me in that way will keep me from wanting to kill myself. Whatever you decide I hope you make the best choice for you.

There is still hope. I think for many people, love can heal even the deepest pain. At the very least it's worth experiencing.

That's extremely disappointing and I'm sorry you still feel this way. For what it's worth though, I'm glad you were able to test this theory out so that people like me won't erroneously get our hopes up if they too thought this was our only chance left in the world.

It could be lifechanging, don't let my experience deter you. I definitely would've been gone a while ago if it weren't for meeting him, and the time I've had with him has been the most fulfilling period of my life. As hypocritical as it sounds, I think it's worth holding out for.