It feels like the world is just temping me at this point

[NightmareTour]

I disappeared from this forum for a while because I wanted to give sorting things out for a while, but things just keep getting worse. It's less than a month from the date that I told myself I would end it on if things didn't get better, and it really hasn't.

I got physically attacked by my ex again, and I had a CT scan for the resulting head injury. There was no permanent damage from the attack, but I'm being called back in for further scans because of another abnormality that was spotted.

I can't even say I'm scared. I accepted the reality of death a long time ago. I was told this was a strong possibility a long time ago. But I don't want to go through extensive medical procedures again. If this is it, this is it, and I want to go on my own terms.

I guess I've got to make peace with the reality of it, you know? No matter who's on there on the surface, when it really comes to it, I've got to do this on my own. I've always been on my own. It's how I entered this world, and it's how I'll leave it. Everyone's got their own things in this life that are far more important than I am. It's always been that way, and it always will be. Right to the end. And I guess that's okay. It's got to be.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Did your ex get arrested? Don't worry if you don't want to say, you can just ignore the question.

If you do have a terminal condition I hope, if this is what you wish also, that it progresses so that you pass quickly and peacefully.

 

[NightmareTour]

[/QUOTE]

No, I haven't chased up charges. I was going to, but probably not now. I'm going to have way more to deal with by the looks of it, and I'm exhausted as it is.