It feels like my room is evil

[trying ungracefully]

Like there is just bad energy all inside. Like straight negativity when I am in my room. The air and everything feels heavy and gross.

I can't focus on much when I am in my room either. I'm going between things and just not caring about anything I am putting my time into. I even just started to crochet out of obligation even though it's my favorite.

When I am on the couch downstairs it's different. I can focus on my phone for the most part, read, and I can crochet/watch shows normally. Inside my room it is just different.

I can feel more happy when I am out of my room. It's really like my room embody the feeling of a "depression den".

It makes me feel like genuine negative energy got trapped in my room. I had a really bad break down in June where it was worse than any break down I've had before. My parents came in to help me and everything. It feels like that energy is still there looming around because after that I got even more paranoid that someone would break in and I sleep with a knife now. The breakdown had nothing to do with feeling safe in my house either. It is just that the energy is there making things worse.

I've looked up things that can help. I can clean, let light/air in, and I can burn lavender. I just hate being in this room so much now when it used to be my safe space.

 

[Canto XIII]

I think it's a common thing, it surely happens to me to some extent (but it doesn't really eliminate its function of solitary comfort for me). There's also a famous Italian poem about a similar theme (not identical, I feel), O cameretta che già fosti un porto, by Francesco Petrarca.

 

[trying ungracefully]

O cameretta che già fosti un porto, by Francesco Petrarca.

I looked it up and I really like it. Can I ask what this part means (English translation):
O little couch that was rest and comfort
in so many torments, from what sad urns
does Love bathe you, with those ivory hands
so wrongly cruel to me alone!

I'm not the best with poems.

 

[Canto XIII]

I looked it up and I really like it. Can I ask what this part means (English translation):
O little couch that was rest and comfort
in so many torments, from what sad urns
does Love bathe you, with those ivory hands
so wrongly cruel to me alone!

He's saying that his bed (that's how I'd translate letticciuol instead of with couch) used to bring him rest in his love torments but is now wetted by his tears because of said love. The sad urns from which Love (obviously personified) is said to bathe the bed are in fact supposed to be his eyes. The ivory hands Love employs to do so are those of Laura, the woman he loves unrequited, which is the reason her hands are said to be cruel to him (we know who she is from other writings of his).

 

[trying ungracefully]

He's saying that his bed (that's how I'd translate letticciuol instead of with couch) used to bring him rest in his love torments but is now wetted by his tears because of said love. The sad urns from which Love (obviously personified) is said to bathe the bed are in fact supposed to be his eyes. The ivory hands Love employs to do so are those of Laura, the woman he loves unrequited, which is the reason her hands are said to be cruel to him (we know who she is from other writings of his).

Ohh ok that makes a lot of sense, thank you.

You got me on a search of looking for relatable poems and it's fun lol.

 

[Canto XIII]

Ohh ok that makes a lot of sense, thank you.

You got me on a search of looking for relatable poems and it's fun lol.

I actually wrote a poem inspired by Petrarch's while I was in the psych ward, but it was hideous lol

 

[trying ungracefully]

I actually wrote a poem inspired by Petrarch's while I was in the psych ward, but it was hideous lol

You should send it if you feel comfortable. All my stuff from psych wards are psychotic ramblings lmao nothing to actually take away from

 

[Canto XIII]

You should send it if you feel comfortable. All my stuff from psych wards are psychotic ramblings lmao nothing to actually take away from

If you really want to read it, I can send it to you on DMs. It's in Italian, but AI can translate it and probably make a poem better than the original lol