Discussion It feels like I've accepted my fate

[nihacc]

I have been considering and planning ctb since late 2025. I don't want to diagnose myself with any disorders, but I have been struggling with an immense amount of mental pain for years, and it has only been growing more severe. My empathy has also been decreasing. I couldn't care less about strangers, and even my feelings toward my family are extremely limited.

As of recent, I have done nothing but accelerate the process to achieve my preferred method of suicide. I know that I have the ability to reverse my current course of action, and I even have multiple clear opportunities to reintegrate within society. I would be absolutely miserable if I kept up this loop, so I have given up trying. I have already tried every possible method improve my mental state numerous times in the past, but they all feel like temporary distractions. Changing my lifestyle, going on daily walks, eating differently, limiting/completely restricting my internet usage, etc. - none of it helps.

Only until the past few months have I grown to accept my death as inevitable. I feel eager and faintly satisfied with what is coming.

 

[endboss]

I am not sure I have fully accepted death yet. I suffer immensely every single day, but I am not there yet I think. Maybe is what I am telling myself, maybe there is still more capacity to suffer and with it more time yet to spend with this life.. It's fucked.

 

[killawithme]

I may not understand death or what comes after life or maybe nothing but I am certain this life was never for me maybe I am the problem I have no idea but this life izn't fun it's just … (don't have the word for it yet) I have acepted that death is inevitable and also living feels forced not real in a way like I'm reading a script I have adhd and autism confirmed by professionals when I was jouhn but I think there is more although I do not even want to know and I haven't really been planning ctb in any way but I feel like it's the only way