Isolating myself on purpose

[Doctors HATE them]

Sometimes I actually feel happy and I think that's a problem. Happiness distracts me from the inevitability of relapsing and the reality of struggling to live every single day. This is why I've decided to leave all my group chats and focus on ruining my emotional state through isolation. I'm gonna go to college still and have irl "friends" but that's only to appear normal on the outside. I need to get hired as a vet tech so I can get some N. Once I'm working and have my own place, I can finally CTB.

 

[jodes2]

I'm sorry you're facing such a struggle to CTB. Maybe you'll change your mind between now and then? I hope so, but I also understand if you go ahead with it Sorry life has brought you here

 

[FuneralCry]

Your feelings are understandable. Happiness doesn't even exist to me personally, but I do get that in this life if someone is experiencing something positive then it just eventually leads to more suffering. I envy those who have N, shame that we cannot access it in a legal way but I wish you the best.