Venting is this seasonal depression or am i just losing my shit

[iikusuri]

nothing bad has ever happened to me in september from my past that would have triggered this. yet every september since 2020 ive always had this unknown urge to end my shit and oh my god if im not feeli ng it right now. i dont know whether to get high or cut myself or just end it permanently im so tired of this because i know ill end up regretting it halfway through or as im 40 pills in or whatnot. and then everything will go back to how it was until next september. so now im struggling to not repeat this same ritual although i do really badly want to slit my wrists just to maybe help me stay a bit longer. or prevent myself from doing something stupid again.

 

[poplover]

are you a student? i just started at uni and am having a rough time as well lol

 

[mofkiy]

I totally get you, it's honestly soooo exhausting and I can imagine how frustrating it must be to deal with this every September. You're not being dramatic btw, sometimes our brains hold onto patterns without us consciously remembering why, or maybe September just became associated to these feelings after the first time, and now your brain almost expects them to come back
You said that you know that you'll regret it halfway through, you seem to be pretty impulsive so I'd suggest you put as many obstacles between you and that impulse as you can. I hope you stay safe
Also, off topic but, is your username a reference to a certain song ?

 

[iikusuri]

I totally get you, it's honestly soooo exhausting and I can imagine how frustrating it must be to deal with this every September. You're not being dramatic btw, sometimes our brains hold onto patterns without us consciously remembering why, or maybe September just became associated to these feelings after the first time, and now your brain almost expects them to come back
You said that you know that you'll regret it halfway through, you seem to be pretty impulsive so I'd suggest you put as many obstacles between you and that impulse as you can. I hope you stay safe
Also, off topic but, is your username a reference to a certain song ?

believe me im putting as many as i can. and to answer your question yes it is !

are you a student? i just started at uni and am having a rough time as well lol

YES i am excuse me my last message got attached to another one. i guess we're all just going through it

 

[Lost in a Nightmare]

I don't have the same problem necessarily. For me the winter and summer are the worst for me, but in the Spring and Fall I feel the happiest. April-May and September - October are my favorite times of the year, and I enjoy them for different reasons. Since you did say you were a student, I can see how the added stress would make this time of the year worse for you. I myself am not a student, so my depression/desire to die is caused by entirely different reasons.

 

[iikusuri]

nevermind maybe i just dont know how threads work here.

I don't have the same problem necessarily. For me the winter and summer are the worst for me, but in the Spring and Fall I feel the happiest. April-May and September - October are my favorite times of the year, and I enjoy them for different reasons. Since you did say you were a student, I can see how the added stress would make this time of the year worse for you. I myself am not a student, so my depression/desire to die is caused by entirely different reasons.

thats interesting, do you know if its caused by anything? or is it some thing that sorta just happens

 

[Lost in a Nightmare]

nevermind maybe i just dont know how threads work here.View attachment 209121

thats interesting, do you know if its caused by anything? or is it some thing that sorta just happens

For me it's caused by the cold, snow, and ice in the winter (and I have to drive in that shit to go to work and it really sucks). In the summer it's the heat and the bugs that get to me, especially the yellow jackets. I HATE those things.

 

[mofkiy]

believe me im putting as many as i can. and to answer your question yes it is !

Good luck ! I believe in you
And is it Dadaroma's ??? Cuz Dadaroma is my fav band with "iikusuri" being my fav song of them. So your username caught my attention

 

[iikusuri]

For me it's caused by the cold, snow, and ice in the winter (and I have to drive in that shit to go to work and it really sucks). In the summer it's the heat and the bugs that get to me, especially the yellow jackets. I HATE those things.

summer mustve been hell for you this year then..

Good luck ! I believe in you
And is it Dadaroma's ??? Cuz Dadaroma is my fav band with "iikusuri" being my fav song of them. So your username caught my attention

HAHA yes it is!! its my favorite song from them as well, never met another dadaroma fan here

 

[Lost in a Nightmare]

summer mustve been hell for you this year then..

Well writing my books and having alcohol helped me get through it, but the depression was still there even then, especially before I got back into writing. The wildfire smoke didn't help things either because it smelled bad and was hard to breathe.

 

[Jonah Byrde]

Its when school starts so maybe its triggering those memores?

 

[valar_morghulis21]

nothing bad has ever happened to me in september from my past that would have triggered this. yet every september since 2020 ive always had this unknown urge to end my shit and oh my god if im not feeli ng it right now. i dont know whether to get high or cut myself or just end it permanently im so tired of this because i know ill end up regretting it halfway through or as im 40 pills in or whatnot. and then everything will go back to how it was until next september. so now im struggling to not repeat this same ritual although i do really badly want to slit my wrists just to maybe help me stay a bit longer. or prevent myself from doing something stupid again.

If you're on this site then it's probably more than just seasonal depression unfortunately. My friends who are seasonal depressed and not suicidal like me just say some bullshit like only being sad when it's cold and rain. When it' sunny they happy

 

[iikusuri]

If you're on this site then it's probably more than just seasonal depression unfortunately. My friends who are seasonal depressed and not suicidal like me just say some bullshit like only being sad when it's cold and rain. When it' sunny they happy

who knows.. maybe september isn't my month

 

[iikusuri]

Well writing my books and having alcohol helped me get through it, but the depression was still there even then, especially before I got back into writing. The wildfire smoke didn't help things either because it smelled bad and was hard to breathe.

writing a book seems like a great way to distract yourself. I used to write debates to myself whenever I needed to stop myself from flipping out, it worked great. I never saw journaling as an effective coping method or whatnot until I tried it for myself, boy was i pissed i didnt try this sooner..

 

[booplesnoot34]

If you're on this site then it's probably more than just seasonal depression unfortunately. My friends who are seasonal depressed and not suicidal like me just say some bullshit like only being sad when it's cold and rain. When it' sunny they happy

I have summer-onset seasonal affective disorder (on top of my regular double depression) and it's actually more irritability, anger, overwhelm, etc. than the winter-onset type.

To me, it seems like she's having trouble with the transition back to school and responsibilities and expectations that are largely absent during summer break. Transitions are really hard for some people. Therapy focused on coping with change could be helpful to OP.