Is this just me or? (a bit of a general rant)

[RibbonAmia]

I think it's called rumination but ever since I've figured out how I might end up CTBing, I don't really want to do anything else now. I don't feel like leaving my room for anything. Right now I'm playing games to pass the time but the only thing I think about now is how nice it would be to finally leave. To just vanish. I fix up my room from time to time but you can tell it looked better before. I do have to leave the house at times to run errands that I have to do. Work and stuff, but other than that I just stay inside. I'm not sure if I make much sense, but perhaps someone else can relate. In other words my mind is just stuck on waiting until I can finally CTB. Not just waiting, but it's the only thing I can think about now. I'm not joking. I could be shopping for food, doing anything and I'll imagine myself finally catching the bus, until I snap back and remember I have to pick which microwave meal I want because I look strange to others just standing there with the fridge open at Publix. I hope I make sense
I just hope I can leave soon so that I can finally rest.