Is there someone/something you can't get over, even years later?

[attheend13]

I can't get over how every time I look in the mirror, I am more disgusted than expected by how I look. Surely by now there would be no surprises

I can't look at myself in the mirror. I close my eyes when I brush my teeth and I use a hand mirror to do my makeup and hair one bit at a time. A full look at myself can cause a panic attack or a deep dive into depression. I'm a monster

 

[Trying To Live]

I had an affair with a woman I met during treatment in a rehabilitation center.

She broke up with me and wants to remain friends.

Every time I have contact with her it hurts. I still think about her often.

But I think the best thing to do is let her go.

 

[AuroraB]

i will never get over that "the love of my life," after 10 years on/off (mostly on mostly living together) dumped me for a lifestyle dominatrix and chose the masochistic/femdom/bdsm slave/furry/yiff/porn "bottom" life over me.

 

[-nobodyknows-]

A long time ago, there was someone who tried to help me. They weren't the first person I told, but they were the first to try and do something about it.

They really helped a lot. But due to certain circumstances, they never really saw much of me except when I was at my worst. I think that must have been hard for them, seeing me like that.

In the end they cut off contact, but I don't really blame them for it. I think that I brought them too much pain, and hearing me talk about how I wanted to hurt myself was too much for them to bear.

I hope they are doing better now.

 

[Calliandras]

My first and only boyfriend. We met when we were 16, parted ways at 20. It's been 5 years and I still love him so much, I miss him everyday. It pains me to live and die in the same world he loved me in. We spoke for the First time in 5 years yesterday, but he Just told me he didn't want to keep in touch. He Will be a part of me forever.

 

[OnlyOneSolution]

I don't want to sound cliche, but childhood sexual abuse shaped my mind and my self image in ways that, although I don't let it be my identify, I can never be the normal person I deserved to be.

As a second vote...I did something to someone I loved dearly that I can never forgive myself for.

I can't look at myself in the mirror. I close my eyes when I brush my teeth and I use a hand mirror to do my makeup and hair one bit at a time. A full look at myself can cause a panic attack or a deep dive into depression. I'm a monster

I'm sorry you feel this way. Looks are external, but oh how they drive how we feel about ourselves.

I can't get over how every time I look in the mirror, I am more disgusted than expected by how I look. Surely by now there would be no surprises

I am sorry that your looks cause you so much pain. F*** the mirror.

 

[untothedepths]

i think its more that time is good at healing by solutions + degree of pain + level of trauma. im preprogrammed with huge amounts of self loathing and guilt, but i dont constantly think about a minor issue like an argument or even a friendship falling out (wish you guys well/best happiness).

however, things like abuse of any kind, time is not going to heal.
it ages like rot. it festers and breeds flies into you.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

In my case, no since I never made any irl friends or acquaintances to begin with and I rarely made any online friends. As for the few online friends that I did make and lost, I wasn't really with them long enough to feel anything. For the first time in my life, I've found people who I gotten close with online and I'd say that I would feel shitty if I lost them.

I almost felt shitty when I made a friend on this site that later turned out to be a minor meaning that they lied a lot to me about their age and about their life which honestly initially hurt a bit as I thought that they understood a part of me (and, yes, thankfully they're banned from here now). However, I quickly got over that as I'm not going to let a liar affect my feelings

 

[NoPoint2Life]

There used to be. Over 20 years ago. I dated a guy for four months. But I loved him. Oddly enough, I was like the happiest ever, but I guess depression was starting to sink in and even though I was so happy I was crying constantly. He wound up breaking up with me because he couldn't really be around me due to the fact that he had suffered in the past from depression. that was the first time I ever actually thought about CTB. My Outlook on life was never the same after that.

I refused to speak to anyone about him. Ironically, I realized I was finally over it about two years ago. It was only because by then I had severe OCD and the memories of that relationship were the least of my problems. And the therapist I was seeing at the time devoted an entire session to me talking about him. I realized that would have been a help even five years ago, but not at that point in time.

They say time heals all wounds. I've never believed that to be true. And in my case, it was just a matter of things getting 100 times worse to be able to put the stupid relationship experience behind me.

 

[Warlord's Pulse]

I'm used to be that way, couldn't get over a lot of things about my past. But my life changed a lot, in ways that I barelly have time to think about that things and relate. But hey, I'm too hectic and my mind is always trying new methods to make me miserable

 

[NoLoveNoHope]

The one thing I can't get over is my ex-girlfriend. It sounds cliche, I know but I don't think I'll ever get those days again. I felt happy. I felt at peace. I felt understood and accepted. I didn't need to hide or pretend. After the life I lived before being chaotic, uncertain and worrisome I treasured the time we spent together. At the time I would have described her as an angel coming to save me that I didn't deserve. She made me feel like I had a reason to keep on going. She made me feel loved and like I had someone that genuinely liked my presence.

When I lost her I cannot describe the feeling of dread, anguish, denial and trauma. It's so stupid. Over an ex. I have flashbacks to back then. Not necessarily with her but events related to her. Mistakes most often. I have also largely lost my ability to remember things since then. It felt utterly hopeless. I felt like I had to pick up the scattered puzzle pieces just to figure out what the fuck was happening to me.

I have many more bad memories than good ones but I still treasure all the good ones I still have left. It's like a window of happiness or what could have been. I'm still glad I met her despite everything. I still think I love her. I say "think" because I know I shouldn't. What if it's some projected feeling of obsession that I confuse for love?

I have trouble with dealing with being close to people. It feels weird after her. I couldn't stand being in a romantic relationship. I feel like my partner would be a replacement instead of someone new.

As far as I know she despises me and wishes I was dead. She has told to be CTB and has said some hurtful things but I hope she's doing well and is happy despite what happened. I can still remember how much her laugh would fill me with joy. I always felt so much better about myself despite having terrible self-esteem. I made her laugh! I did that! That just meant the world to me.

 

[FoxSauce]

Moslty I cant get over is my mom constant ridicule, her anger and mistreatment

Shes not a bad person. Ik shes not.

The times i had to cry myself to sleep beacuse I try felt unloved by her. Im it happened when i was a mid and I should get over that and ik i sound like a broken record but it hurts.

I had to deal with things alone.

Everything I did ans sometimes do is for her. I tried to win her love to be better it wasn't enough.

 

[GuyWhoDiesin2025]

there are actually MANY things I can't get over, but the most major one that comes to my mind is how i was treated by my adoptive family, especially my adoptive mother! my adoptive mother was straight up abusive. yeah, she wasn't abusive enough to leave marks or bruises on my body but she use to slap me around when i was a kid whenever i said something she didnt like.
i don't know about what the people here think, but I personally think that's downright cruel! if i hit someone in the face for saying something i didn't like, i would get in trouble! but parents are apparently allowed to do that to their kids (or the kids they have possession of) at home & behind closed doors just as long as they don't leave bruises or marks that's why she got away with it because legally it's not abuse but it absolutely is abuse to slap a kid around like that!
even to this day she is still terrible!

Just a couple days ago, I called my adoptive parents on the phone because i needed their help finding a new place to live (there's a quite a bit of stuff i can't do on my own but that's a whole different story...) & my adoptive mom & I ended up getting into an argument & she basically was blaming ME for all of my problems & struggles I'm going through & she even had the nerve to throw in my face "you're alone in that house by yourself for a reason! no one wants to be around you!"

WHAT A B****H! she has no idea how much damage she has done in my life!

I seriously hope that when I die, I hope that pictures of my decomposing body leak out online & she sees the video of me dying over & over again & pictures of my decayed body over & over & over again! ⛤ & I hope the images of my decomposing body HAUNT HER FOR WHAT'S LEFT OF HER MISERABLE LIFE! I really don't think she'll be saddened by them, BUT SHE WILL BE FREAKED OUT BY THEM! (there's a difference between being SAD about someone being dead/missing them & being FREAKED OUT that someone has died & knowing you help contribute to their downfall! BOTH ARE STILL NEGATIVE EMOTIONS, but there's still a difference!)

That honestly will be justice for me! I truly do believe I'll never forget about the abuse my adoptive mother put me through, even after death, BUT once I've crossed over, the afterlife will have so many new & happy things to distract me for all of eternity, that I won't even give a toss about it! It'll just make me appreciate Heaven even more!

 

[whywere]

there are actually MANY things I can't get over, but the most major one that comes to my mind is how i was treated by my adoptive family, especially my adoptive mother! my adoptive mother was straight up abusive. yeah, she wasn't abusive enough to leave marks or bruises on my body but she use to slap me around when i was a kid whenever i said something she didnt like.
i don't know about what the people here think, but I personally think that's downright cruel! if i hit someone in the face for saying something i didn't like, i would get in trouble! but parents are apparently allowed to do that to their kids (or the kids they have possession of) at home & behind closed doors just as long as they don't leave bruises or marks that's why she got away with it because legally it's not abuse but it absolutely is abuse to slap a kid around like that!
even to this day she is still terrible!

Just a couple days ago, I called my adoptive parents on the phone because i needed their help finding a new place to live (there's a quite a bit of stuff i can't do on my own but that's a whole different story...) & my adoptive mom & I ended up getting into an argument & she basically was blaming ME for all of my problems & struggles I'm going through & she even had the nerve to throw in my face "you're alone in that house by yourself for a reason! no one wants to be around you!"

WHAT A B****H! she has no idea how much damage she has done in my life!

I seriously hope that when I die, I hope that pictures of my decomposing body leak out online & she sees the video of me dying over & over again & pictures of my decayed body over & over & over again! ⛤ & I hope the images of my decomposing body HAUNT HER FOR WHAT'S LEFT OF HER MISERABLE LIFE! I really don't think she'll be saddened by them, BUT SHE WILL BE FREAKED OUT BY THEM! (there's a difference between being SAD about someone being dead/missing them & being FREAKED OUT that someone has died & knowing you help contribute to their downfall! BOTH ARE STILL NEGATIVE EMOTIONS, but there's still a difference!)

That honestly will be justice for me! I truly do believe I'll never forget about the abuse my adoptive mother put me through, even after death, BUT once I've crossed over, the afterlife will have so many new & happy things to distract me for all of eternity, that I won't even give a toss about it! It'll just make me appreciate Heaven even more!

My heart broke into pieces reading this and I give you a HUGE hug and I want you to know that you are family to/for me, as I have no family nor friends.

I have mentioned this so many times on here, the day after my18th birthday, my "parents" drove me to our local town, I was raised on a working dairy farm and dropped me off on the street curb with NO, food, money, shelter, job, NOTHING except my bag of clothes and drove away and I never heard from them again, 100% their choice.

I know the heart ache and emotional abuse aspect tall to well and we are family here and I care about you so much and never try and let the idiots get you down.

At the time it was such a shock, but looking back at it, it actually was a blessing to get rid of my "parents" who NEVER EVER wanted me.

Lots of hugs, love and wellw ishes to you always.

Walter

 

[GuyWhoDiesin2025]

My heart broke into pieces reading this and I give you a HUGE hug and I want you to know that you are family to/for me, as I have no family nor friends.

I have mentioned this so many times on here, the day after my18th birthday, my "parents" drove me to our local town, I was raised on a working dairy farm and dropped me off on the street curb with NO, food, money, shelter, job, NOTHING except my bag of clothes and drove away and I never heard from them again, 100% their choice.

I know the heart ache and emotional abuse aspect tall to well and we are family here and I care about you so much and never try and let the idiots get you down.

At the time it was such a shock, but looking back at it, it actually was a blessing to get rid of my "parents" who NEVER EVER wanted me.

Lots of hugs, love and wellw ishes to you always.

Walter

THAT IS ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE! I'm very sorry your "parents" were sick enough to do that! just because you turn into an adult doesn't mean you stop needing their help! that is sickening!

I really hope things get better for you too ♥ sorry that they put you through that! YOU DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER ♥

I hope things get better for you ♥

Joe ♥