Is there OTC medicine that can make me feel extremely depressed and get rid of my SI?

[nys]

I can't get any prescription drugs since I don't know how to fake prescriptions. I need to get rid of my SI so does anyone know any OTC meds i can get easily to do that? Like something that has side effects like extreme depression and suicidal thoughts
Edit: I've been asked to say why i wanted to ctb so people could understand it better. the reason i want to is bc im in a bad situation that i cant get out of, there's no other way other than dying, its kinda complicated so thats the most i can explain bc its a really long story

 

[Someone123]

I doubt if something like this would help. I really think knwoing why you have SI could help- are you sure about ctb as your best option, or is there still hope? Real hopelessness is pretty good for overcoming SI. It could be interesting to know why you want to ctb, and how sure you are about this. Often people who are young, especially 25 and younger, are stressed at college or in some other way in life, but it may be only temporary. If could be helpful to know why you are considering ctb (catching the bus). I do hope you can find a way to peace one way or another.