Venting Is there a point in writing a suicide note?

[kirillbledny]

I have so much rage inside me, specifically towards my father. I'm planning to write a note addressed to him specifically, but idk if I should, or if I should leave any at all. My father caused me much hurt in my life, but never saw himself as the reason for why I was depressed/self-harmed/attempted suicide. I was driven to my first suicide attempt at 13 by him and his behaviour. I think somewhere deep down, I want him to understand once and for all how he made me feel all these years, how what he called a "strict upbringing" fucked me up mentally to the point I used to have horrible panic attacks and attempted suicide. How it feels like he installed a virus inside my brain that I can get rid of, even if I exhaust all my options.

Question is, would such a person even be affected by my letter? Obviously none of you know him, but his main stance on my struggles in life is that I'm making it all up, that I just don't try hard enough. There's a real chance he'll just see my letter as the ramblings of a madman and not think about it any deeper. I've tried many times to talk with him openly, he went to therapy for years and his anger issues aren't as bad as they were when I was in contact with him. And yet, it never leads anywhere, his advice is always the same, just get a job, work yourself up into a higher position, etc. I'm very emotionally flat and detached, so it's hard for me to imagine what he'd react like. If it did hurt him, I'd be glad. I think he needs to feel the despair that I felt for years because of him.

Can a note even achieve precisely what I want? Maybe it's best to not write him anything. Maybe he doesn't deserve an explanation. Idk.

Have you guys written notes to people you absolutely despise or who drove you to/contributed to you ctb?

 

[VegasLyra]

I have so much rage inside me, specifically towards my father. I'm planning to write a note addressed to him specifically, but idk if I should, or if I should leave any at all. My father caused me much hurt in my life, but never saw himself as the reason for why I was depressed/self-harmed/attempted suicide. I was driven to my first suicide attempt at 13 by him and his behaviour. I think somewhere deep down, I want him to understand once and for all how he made me feel all these years, how what he called a "strict upbringing" fucked me up mentally to the point I used to have horrible panic attacks and attempted suicide. How it feels like he installed a virus inside my brain that I can get rid of, even if I exhaust all my options.

Question is, would such a person even be affected by my letter? Obviously none of you know him, but his main stance on my struggles in life is that I'm making it all up, that I just don't try hard enough. There's a real chance he'll just see my letter as the ramblings of a madman and not think about it any deeper. I've tried many times to talk with him openly, he went to therapy for years and his anger issues aren't as bad as they were when I was in contact with him. And yet, it never leads anywhere, his advice is always the same, just get a job, work yourself up into a higher position, etc. I'm very emotionally flat and detached, so it's hard for me to imagine what he'd react like. If it did hurt him, I'd be glad. I think he needs to feel the despair that I felt for years because of him.

Can a note even achieve precisely what I want? Maybe it's best to not write him anything. Maybe he doesn't deserve an explanation. Idk.

Have you guys written notes to people you absolutely despise or who drove you to/contributed to you ctb?

Yes, he definitely would be affected (even if he wouldn't outwardly show it). If he's as horrible as you make him out to be then I think it's fair to write a note addressed to him blaming him for your troubles. However, I also encourage you to write another note addressed to other family members and friends, telling them you love them and that this wasn't their fault (assuming you have loving family/friends). Don't let the only thing you leave behind be hatred

 

[PersonBeforeLife]

Ok personally suicide should never be used as revenge. If you want shock value rather just go directly to a psychiatric hospital and tell them you plan to end your life. You get admitted and he now has doctors reports detailing everything. And it gets a chance at closure.

 

[Macedonian1987]

My parents were cold, unloving, uncomforting ones. Narcissistic too, but I forgive them all. I just want to be at peace, be in a place where I'm accepted and loved.
I will not leave a farewell note because I don't have any friends and I don't have anything to say to my parents. I will leave the same way I lived - quietly and unnoticeably.

 

[kirillbledny]

Yes, he definitely would be affected (even if he wouldn't outwardly show it). If he's as horrible as you make him out to be then I think it's fair to write a note addressed to him blaming him for your troubles. However, I also encourage you to write another note addressed to other family members and friends, telling them you love them and that this wasn't their fault (assuming you have loving family/friends). Don't let the only thing you leave behind be hatred

Yeah, I have another note for my family, and for my friend, one for the cops too. Obviously no note can actually ease their pain much, but it's still something.

 

[Jonah Byrde]

My parents were cold, unloving, uncomforting ones. Narcissistic too, but I forgive them all. I just want to be at peace

Your a better man than me lol

 

[kirillbledny]

Ok personally suicide should never be used as revenge. If you want shock value rather just go directly to a psychiatric hospital and tell them you plan to end your life. You get admitted and he now has doctors reports detailing everything. And it gets a chance at closure.

It's not fully driven by revenge, but I understand why you'd think that's the case, since my post is primarily about one person/source of pain. I have many other problems and things that hurt me (being groomed, sexually harassed, getting bullied in school, financial problems, no motivation and will to do anything, etc.). My ideation and desire to die is not one dimensional.

I've been to mental hospitals, voluntarily and involuntarily. I've even talked to them about the issues I have with my dad, I went to therapy about it too. It never helped long term, sure I got attention from my family who were worried, but that doesn't fix the underlying problem. I don't want shock value, I want to die. I don't wanna spend a lifetime trying to fix myself up because other people were horrible to me, just to have a chance at living an average life that I don't care about having. So it's not just about my dad, because if it was I could just not really talk to him and see him as little as possible (which I'm already doing anyway), and move on with my life.

 

[PersonBeforeLife]

"have a CHANCE at living a normal life"

Yeah that's why I'm here... I'm tired of playing the lottery and losing every single time.

So it's a sense of justice... Speak to your family about it and let them chew him out and try see a psychologist together and let the psychologist chew him out too.

Your a better man than me lol

I don't know. For me my psychologist tried to get me to trash the cult leader who destroyed my life (which I fear I will never recover from, hence I'm here) and I didn't... I just called him a delusional moron who destroyed me and my mother along with himself. Seeing him as a victim of his own delusions too... I have nothing to gain by another person's suffering so I couldn't care less about revenge... Do I forgive him... What difference does it make... He's dead... And I'll be dead soon hopefully too and his family will never know what he did and can keep their good memories of him... I wouldn't want to cause them pain.