Discussion Is gender transitioning worth it? Sorry if it's a weird question

[sleeplessboyinbed]

I mean both social and medical.
I really want to be a man, be seen as a man. But the only way (in this life) for me to be a man is to be trans. In a perfect world i wouldn't mind being trans and transitioning medically and socially, i really want to actually. Im just not sure how it will be in real life. In my country it's not really common to see trans people at all, so everything i know is from the internet, American one to be exact. And the problem is, i don't know if im being realistic here. I watched so many happy trans men just live their lifes, but they're all American. I don't know how it will translate into my reality, i really just feel delusional for ever thinking i could be one of them.
I also feel really selfish for it. Who do i think i am? Do i even deserve happiness? Am i asking for too much when i say i want to be a man? I feel like a man and i want everyone to see it too, is it wrong? Im genuinely asking because i don't know anymore. Should i just accept my misery? I feel like i don't deserve to live.
Sorry im imposing a role of a therapist to you, i just don't have anybody else to ask. I hope it's appropriate to ask this. It's really a problem i cant solve on my own. I need input from other people :⁠-⁠!. And sorry for being so negative, i would never think and say this to another trans person.


Also, i think my ctb is soon but im not sure, so briefly mentioning it here. Should be April 8th, if not you can shame me

 

[wannabeangel]

even tho i detransitioned for a multitude of personal things, i still found it worth transitioning socially and medically (i was on T for quite a few months, socially transitioned for quite a few years) and i was happy doing what i wanted with myself, and what made me feel good and more like myself. i dont think it's delusional to be able to see yourself being happy after transitioning, nor is it selfish or wrong. you always deserve what makes you happy, everyone does, and it isnt fair that not everyone gets the good they deserve. it's never wrong to want people to see you how you see you, and how you know you are

 

[paranoias64]

it's always worth it! it's not a big ask at all to be a man! u do deserve happiness! happy trans ppl exist in every corner of the world. and if they don't, then they're fighting to be trans and happy and that is one that's been won before, one that's being fought now, and one that's always worth fighting.

https://diyhrt.info

 

[OtterFromTheCosmos]

I feel like you should go for transitioning if you want to be a man
It's your life, you deserve to be the choice-maker in it

 

[buriedinmyhead]

If you feel that it'll make you happy, then it's worth it. Having to hide your true self will only cause more pain, and this is something that can ease that.

 

[K14~♡]

It's only natural to be yourself, and to want others to see you as what you are. It's not too much and it's not wrong at all. I think it'd definitely be worth it. Though socially, you might not be accepted, but well it has always been that way anyway...I think it's more important to be who you wanna be, regardless of anything that'll reject it

 

[Asya]

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[sadbh]

[Hidden content]

I second this comment about pragmatism.

Everyone should feel safe and comfortable in their body, so I understand why people would want to transition.

If you live somewhere that's hostile to trans people, you can be more at risk for assault/sexual assault just for being trans. You could lose your job, your family, face political persecution, just for being trans.

So, it's a serious decision to make. Regardless of if you transition or not, it would be worth it to make better friends who you feel comfortable around. It's sad to feel alone in those feelings and not have anyone who understands or supports you.

 

[EndItPlsGirl]

I've been transitioning for over 10 years from male to female. The only times I've ever felt grief from being trans was from the discrimination and hate I've faced. Part of wanting to end it is because of that. I'm happy I transitioned. I'm happy who I am today. I never reached being fully passable because of addictions and now because I just want to end it.

 

[sleeplessboyinbed]

even tho i detransitioned for a multitude of personal things, i still found it worth transitioning socially and medically (i was on T for quite a few months, socially transitioned for quite a few years) and i was happy doing what i wanted with myself, and what made me feel good and more like myself. i dont think it's delusional to be able to see yourself being happy after transitioning, nor is it selfish or wrong. you always deserve what makes you happy, everyone does, and it isnt fair that not everyone gets the good they deserve. it's never wrong to want people to see you how you see you, and how you know you are

Thank you so much, you're so kind (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡

 

[restingplace]

I mean both social and medical.
I really want to be a man, be seen as a man. But the only way (in this life) for me to be a man is to be trans. In a perfect world i wouldn't mind being trans and transitioning medically and socially, i really want to actually. Im just not sure how it will be in real life. In my country it's not really common to see trans people at all, so everything i know is from the internet, American one to be exact. And the problem is, i don't know if im being realistic here. I watched so many happy trans men just live their lifes, but they're all American. I don't know how it will translate into my reality, i really just feel delusional for ever thinking i could be one of them.
I also feel really selfish for it. Who do i think i am? Do i even deserve happiness? Am i asking for too much when i say i want to be a man? I feel like a man and i want everyone to see it too, is it wrong? Im genuinely asking because i don't know anymore. Should i just accept my misery? I feel like i don't deserve to live.
Sorry im imposing a role of a therapist to you, i just don't have anybody else to ask. I hope it's appropriate to ask this. It's really a problem i cant solve on my own. I need input from other people :⁠-⁠!. And sorry for being so negative, i would never think and say this to another trans person.


Also, i think my ctb is soon but im not sure, so briefly mentioning it here. Should be April 8th, if not you can shame me

For me personally, medically and socially transitioning will likely help a lot and has helped me. The thing that's really the issue is unfortunately knowing you weren't born a male and wont properly function as one, mentally sure but not physically.

I think another big issue is that in my country (uk) it's a really difficult process to get T and get surgery ect. It can also be so expensive and just drag you down more.

I think if you're able to balance and fight other commitments and expenses in your life then it might help a lot to transition.

 

[nails]

depends, only you have enough context to determine something like that. there are a lot of downsides and it's up to you to decide if they're worth it.
i used to be the type to tell everyone that transitioning will always be worth it, but that's unfortunately not the case for everyone. if i were to transition, it would make things much worse for me (+ it just wouldn't work out for multiple reasons), so i decided against it. living this way is extremely dire and hopeless, but it's the best thing i can do for myself.

of course, i hope that transitioning is the right decision for you and that it brings you relief if you end up doing it. good luck, wishing you the best.

 

[dreaming]

I'd say yes, I wouldn't want to die pretending to be something I'm not.

 

[UserFromNowhere]

to feel unsafe in my own home,...to feel even more hatred for the world, to be even more afraid of government oppression directly targeting me

I feel this is something inherent regardless of if you transition or not. I can only speak being a lesbian, but not knowing if you can trust your family, the feeling that the world sucks, and the government trying to criminalize your existence all affect your mental health constantly regardless of if you are out or not. I agree with your overall point about pragmatism, and I imagine openly being out as transgender gives a different insight, but the cost of mental pain is a constant regardless.

 

[Bowerbird]

Depends. I feel like a man stuck in the body of a young woman sometimes, but theres nothing I can do about it. I'm one of those people that is stuck with a baby face and just doesn't pass super well and tbh I probably never will. I just don't have what it takes to be a man. Even if I have short hair and present masc, At best I just look like a 10 year old boy or someone's lesbian aunt.

And right now the climate for trans people is hostile, even in the trans community itself (I swear in the past YEAR or so, theres been an increase in trans people shitting on and bullying other trans people. Eg: transmasc folk getting shit on for having "male privileges" or "contributing to the patriarchy" or whatever) even though every "flavour" of trans has their own struggles they deal with, but "bullies bully because they get bullied"

Sometimes I kinda wish I never got my T prescription and I was still closeted and I could just be a tomboy and then maybe I wouldn't be in the firing zone for the crime of existing.

 

[sleeplessboyinbed]

depends, only you have enough context to determine something like that. there are a lot of downsides and it's up to you to decide if they're worth it.
i used to be the type to tell everyone that transitioning will always be worth it, but that's unfortunately not the case for everyone. if i were to transition, it would make things much worse for me (+ it just wouldn't work out for multiple reasons), so i decided against it. living this way is extremely dire and hopeless, but it's the best thing i can do for myself.

of course, i hope that transitioning is the right decision for you and that it brings you relief if you end up doing it. good luck, wishing you the best.

It's scary to think that the thing i want to do could ruin my life so thank you for your kind words, it means a lot (⁠•⁠ө⁠•⁠)⁠♡

Depends. I feel like a man stuck in the body of a young woman sometimes, but theres nothing I can do about it. I'm one of those people that is stuck with a baby face and just doesn't pass super well and tbh I probably never will. I just don't have what it takes to be a man. Even if I have short hair and present masc, At best I just look like a 10 year old boy or someone's lesbian aunt.

And right now the climate for trans people is hostile, even in the trans community itself (I swear in the past YEAR or so, theres been an increase in trans people shitting on and bullying other trans people. Eg: transmasc folk getting shit on for having "male privileges" or "contributing to the patriarchy" or whatever) even though every "flavour" of trans has their own struggles they deal with, but "bullies bully because they get bullied"

Sometimes I kinda wish I never got my T prescription and I was still closeted and I could just be a tomboy and then maybe I wouldn't be in the firing zone for the crime of existing.

I wish it didn't have to be this way. I understand your last sentence so much, why are we criminals for just existing

 

[nitritegirl]

mtf here, idk i've been on estrogen for almost 2 years and i feel like my life has only gotten worse. sure there are some nice things here and there, one or two body changes that are nice, one or two people that respect me. but in general the relationship with my family got a lot worse and i only feel shittier and shittier as the time passes, the dysphoria never ends and will never end, knowing that there are some things that i will never have that are intrinsic to being born female that i'd do literally anything to experience them, but i cannot do anything to have them. thinking about it really makes me wanna just want to end it all. it's good that some trans people can accept that they are trans, some even don't want surgery or anything and they don't care at all, but that's not my case.

spoiler box as that can be dysphoric for some (talking a lot about body, organs and stuff), but i'm speaking from the bottom of my heart here

Spoiler: possible dysphoria alert

i think for me it's not only that i wanna be a woman but i wish i was a cis woman, i wish i was born one. i wish i had a feminine childhood and adolescence, that i experienced female puberty, that i had a menarche, that i had an uterus and had a menstrual cycle, that i had a vulva, clitoris and everything, from the beginning. but my past is already corrupted by a shitty male existence that i wish i never had, and there are things in my body that i can never change. currently i am trying to get bottom surgery but i don't even know if it is worth it. "neovulva", "neoclitoris" they call it, i didn't want it to be "neo" i just wanted to be born with it. a surgically created "neovulva" will never be the same as a cis one. I hate every single aspect of being born male and I hate that my life will be forever be corrupted by it.

honestly writing this just makes me wanna cry. it's so horrible knowing the reality of my life, and of what i cannot ever change. for me it's one of the worse feelings that exist. sometimes for me just seeing a cis girl on the street can be enough to bring me a dysphoria attack, knowing they were just born like this and don't need to do anything just to exist in their own body. I feel miserable as fuck. i hate it so fucking much. I wish I had any other kind of problem but not gender dysphoria. and i fucking hate being a "trans girl". i hate that wording.

with all that being said, and bearing in mind that for you it is the opposite of everything i said... well if you can accept all of that and you don't mind, or you can manage the dysphoria, then go for it, sure. but for me, every day that passes i am closer and closer to committing ctb, and it's all just because i was born like this. it's stupid but i always feel like i just lost the 50/50 sex chance at birth and now i am stuck with this forever. personally it's hard to even find a reason to live when i was born like this, but that's me. i'm happy for every trans person that finds a reason. i wish i could end it soon though

 

[sleeplessboyinbed]

mtf here, idk i've been on estrogen for almost 2 years and i feel like my life has only gotten worse. sure there are some nice things here and there, one or two body changes that are nice, one or two people that respect me. but in general the relationship with my family got a lot worse and i only feel shittier and shittier as the time passes, the dysphoria never ends and will never end, knowing that there are some things that i will never have that are intrinsic to being born female that i'd do literally anything to experience them, but i cannot do anything to have them. thinking about it really makes me wanna just want to end it all. it's good that some trans people can accept that they are trans, some even don't want surgery or anything and they don't care at all, but that's not my case.

spoiler box as that can be dysphoric for some (talking a lot about body, organs and stuff), but i'm speaking from the bottom of my heart here

Spoiler: possible dysphoria alert

i think for me it's not only that i wanna be a woman but i wish i was a cis woman, i wish i was born one. i wish i had a feminine childhood and adolescence, that i experienced female puberty, that i had a menarche, that i had an uterus and had a menstrual cycle, that i had a vulva, clitoris and everything, from the beginning. but my past is already corrupted by a shitty male existence that i wish i never had, and there are things in my body that i can never change. currently i am trying to get bottom surgery but i don't even know if it is worth it. "neovulva", "neoclitoris" they call it, i didn't want it to be "neo" i just wanted to be born with it. a surgically created "neovulva" will never be the same as a cis one. I hate every single aspect of being born male and I hate that my life will be forever be corrupted by it.

honestly writing this just makes me wanna cry. it's so horrible knowing the reality of my life, and of what i cannot ever change. for me it's one of the worse feelings that exist. sometimes for me just seeing a cis girl on the street can be enough to bring me a dysphoria attack, knowing they were just born like this and don't need to do anything just to exist in their own body. I feel miserable as fuck. i hate it so fucking much. I wish I had any other kind of problem but not gender dysphoria. and i fucking hate being a "trans girl". i hate that wording.

with all that being said, and bearing in mind that for you it is the opposite of everything i said... well if you can accept all of that and you don't mind, or you can manage the dysphoria, then go for it, sure. but for me, every day that passes i am closer and closer to committing ctb, and it's all just because i was born like this. it's stupid but i always feel like i just lost the 50/50 sex chance at birth and now i am stuck with this forever. personally it's hard to even find a reason to live when i was born like this, but that's me. i'm happy for every trans person that finds a reason. i wish i could end it soon though

I feel like i lost a 50/50 as well. I understand you, ctb feels inevitable at this point. All i want is to be cis

 

[Seneca65AD]

Not trans but I get a lot of facebook posts relating to before and after transition pics. All I can say is wow! The people in the after-transition pics seem so happy and positively glowing. They never say it was easy but they all say it was worth it. Now, I expect there are people who transitioned who may have regrets but they do not show up in my feed.

My view is life is too short to live a lie - you do you and f@#$ everyone else.