Is 1% of good things really worth 99% of bad?

[woofwag]

I'm miserable. Tried to kill myself so many times. I was gonna do it for real last December, but I got overwhelmed with prep. Still am tbh.

I hate everything. I found my job enjoyable at first, but now I have no idea if any of my coworkers actually like me, if I'm doing a good job, and when this scheduling bullshit will finally change. I keep getting beat up at work (I support a disabled adult who is aggressive) and I wouldn't have a problem with that were it not for the fact that I have the highest frequency of getting attacked.

It's not just my job ofc. I am generally miserable all the time. That being said, on the 31st of last month I visited Portland for a rave and to see a couple friends. I got to see the person who I love more than words can describe… and have so much fun at the rave, and makeout with a beautiful woman. My friend afterwards said their friend (also gorgeous) was down to fuck too lol. She gave me some very fun things to ingest at the rave.

All I want now is to go back and be a slut again, makeout with people, dance, fuck, do drugs, everything. It was just 2 1/2 days… and I can't take more time off of work.

So, what do you think? Is 2 1/2 days of bliss actually worth it? Because the past uh… forever sure has been hell. I'm actually at work right now preparing to most likely get beat up again tonight. I truly do not see myself being happy in any job, and all I really do in my free time is watch TikToks. Pathetic. I hate myself. Is anything at all worth it in the face of that?

 

[Tyra]

I'm miserable. Tried to kill myself so many times. I was gonna do it for real last December, but I got overwhelmed with prep. Still am tbh.

I hate everything. I found my job enjoyable at first, but now I have no idea if any of my coworkers actually like me, if I'm doing a good job, and when this scheduling bullshit will finally change. I keep getting beat up at work (I support a disabled adult who is aggressive) and I wouldn't have a problem with that were it not for the fact that I have the highest frequency of getting attacked.

It's not just my job ofc. I am generally miserable all the time. That being said, on the 31st of last month I visited Portland for a rave and to see a couple friends. I got to see the person who I love more than words can describe… and have so much fun at the rave, and makeout with a beautiful woman. My friend afterwards said their friend (also gorgeous) was down to fuck too lol. She gave me some very fun things to ingest at the rave.

All I want now is to go back and be a slut again, makeout with people, dance, fuck, do drugs, everything. It was just 2 1/2 days… and I can't take more time off of work.

So, what do you think? Is 2 1/2 days of bliss actually worth it? Because the past uh… forever sure has been hell. I'm actually at work right now preparing to most likely get beat up again tonight. I truly do not see myself being happy in any job, and all I really do in my free time is watch TikToks. Pathetic. I hate myself. Is anything at all worth it in the face of that?

Most of us here never experience any bliss so I don't know what to tell you.

 

[woofwag]

Most of us here never experience any bliss so I don't know what to tell you.

Well if you were to put yourself in my shoes and imagine that you did have just a few days of happiness, would it change you wanting to ctb?

 

[angelblood]

It's really hard to know what other ppl think of you. My close friends worry that ppl dont like them that i know 100% do like them. It's a normal compulsion to worry like that.

Would u be happier if u found a way to save and move Portland? There's always raves happening, and what u described sounds like 90% of puppygirls I know's normal weekends.

 

[selfsocio]

I'm miserable. Tried to kill myself so many times. I was gonna do it for real last December, but I got overwhelmed with prep. Still am tbh.

I hate everything. I found my job enjoyable at first, but now I have no idea if any of my coworkers actually like me, if I'm doing a good job, and when this scheduling bullshit will finally change. I keep getting beat up at work (I support a disabled adult who is aggressive) and I wouldn't have a problem with that were it not for the fact that I have the highest frequency of getting attacked.

It's not just my job ofc. I am generally miserable all the time. That being said, on the 31st of last month I visited Portland for a rave and to see a couple friends. I got to see the person who I love more than words can describe… and have so much fun at the rave, and makeout with a beautiful woman. My friend afterwards said their friend (also gorgeous) was down to fuck too lol. She gave me some very fun things to ingest at the rave.

All I want now is to go back and be a slut again, makeout with people, dance, fuck, do drugs, everything. It was just 2 1/2 days… and I can't take more time off of work.

So, what do you think? Is 2 1/2 days of bliss actually worth it? Because the past uh… forever sure has been hell. I'm actually at work right now preparing to most likely get beat up again tonight. I truly do not see myself being happy in any job, and all I really do in my free time is watch TikToks. Pathetic. I hate myself. Is anything at all worth it in the face of that?

if you have even the slightest thing to hold onto, hold onto it. the chances are that you ctb, you'll have regrets as you are dying. you dont want to risk regretting suicide midway ctb. a reason is still a reason, no matter how small it is. and if you can find interest in just one thing, its worth it to keep living, you'll find more reasons along the way.

 

[xXiloveyouXx]

Well if you were to put yourself in my shoes and imagine that you did have just a few days of happiness, would it change you wanting to ctb?

It would extend it by a couple days

 

[Tyra]

Well if you were to put yourself in my shoes and imagine that you did have just a few days of happiness, would it change you wanting to ctb?

If I was really 100% happy on those days then yeah it would change things for me.

It just opens up the door to the possibility of building a life where there are more happy days.

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

If I just answer the question based on your title, no 1% of good in life is not worth 99% bad. But I am not sure your life actually is 99% bad? How do you know you wouldn't like another job? You definitely shouldn't be put a position where you can be physically harmed! That is crazy and you could probably sue the employer for that. Do you have any friends outside of work, any interests or hobbies? I am guessing you are very young, probably in your early 20's?? I lived for the party days too when I was that age. And as I got older, like later 20's, I found myself and discovered new things that brought me joy (as long my depression meds were working). I am 57 years old now, so the days of sex, drugs and rock & roll are long behind me. I just want to give you hope that things can get better and we do evolve and grow as a person as we age.

 

[defective01]

Well, I believe that life at its core is a net negative for a conscious being, and that the base state of existence is suffering. To me, pleasure is nothing more than the absence of suffering. So, probably not; that 1% is merely an illusion created by our drive to keep producing.