Why am I still like this even when things are good?

[iamrealandyouarenot]

It's like my brain cannot process peace. Things are sometimes worse for me mentally when I have nothing to worry about. I find something. I will always find something. And it never ends. I have lots of friends. My family is proud of me. I got my degree. I have a good job. I have a boyfriend who loves me. I was in a fatal car accident, my best friend died and I became disabled. I don't think I would even consider myself disabled anymore because of how good of a recovery I've had. I still miss my friend so much, but I feel like maybe I'm experiencing grief in a much more normal way now. But I can't just be happy. Anytime I'm alone I find something to cause me extreme stress. I cried for hours because of data centers. I come here and read posts and cry for others. I will always find something to be stressed or sad about. Therapy only makes things worse. I think I like the attention too much. Like I indulge in all the worst things so much and it doesn't make me feel any better about them. I talk so much about myself. It's embarrassing. I don't know why I want attention so badly. I'm sure I'm annoying. I don't want to ctb. I just want this to stop. I want so badly to be normal, but I don't even have nightmares like normal people. My nightmares are tasks that I cannot complete. I have these dreams constantly and I wake up exhausted. I've been on meds before but they just didn't do anything. I feel like it's not even up to me, I just feel like I know how it's going to end. I feel like I'm reading a book and I'm like "oh yeah she's definitely not gonna make it."

 

[fluorescentpearl]

I don't mean to pry but what medication had you tried? I also had many bad experiences until I found some that worked for me, besides that, finding specialized therapy for some of my specific issues helped as well

 

[iamrealandyouarenot]

I don't mean to pry but what medication had you tried? I also had many bad experiences until I found some that worked for me, besides that, finding specialized therapy for some of my specific issues helped as well

Please forgive my spelling but I was on klonopin, lexapro, Zoloft, and something else I cannot remember. Klonopin was the only thing I could tell I was taking but I just slept and it made me miss important things.

 

[fluorescentpearl]

Please forgive my spelling but I was on klonopin, lexapro, Zoloft, and something else I cannot remember. Klonopin was the only thing I could tell I was taking but I just slept and it made me miss important things.

Ahh I see! Ive met many people for who those meds didn't work out sadly, so I understand a bit more now

Regardless, I relate to the struggle of always finding something to suffer about even when things are seemingly so perfect.. It's like I'm hardwired to always find bad things everywhere, I'm so used to the pain and loneliness that it feels almost grossly more comfortable than joy and companionship, even though I fully realise I'd be miserable that way
I hope with help, care and someone who understands you could have a chance at something better, it's always bittersweet to see people experience similar issues to mine.. Cus on one hand I hope so bad it'll go better for them, yet for me I give up and ctb haha

 

[doomsday.]

It's like my brain cannot process peace. Things are sometimes worse for me mentally when I have nothing to worry about. I find something. I will always find something. And it never ends. I have lots of friends. My family is proud of me. I got my degree. I have a good job. I have a boyfriend who loves me. I was in a fatal car accident, my best friend died and I became disabled. I don't think I would even consider myself disabled anymore because of how good of a recovery I've had. I still miss my friend so much, but I feel like maybe I'm experiencing grief in a much more normal way now. But I can't just be happy. Anytime I'm alone I find something to cause me extreme stress. I cried for hours because of data centers. I come here and read posts and cry for others. I will always find something to be stressed or sad about. Therapy only makes things worse. I think I like the attention too much. Like I indulge in all the worst things so much and it doesn't make me feel any better about them. I talk so much about myself. It's embarrassing. I don't know why I want attention so badly. I'm sure I'm annoying. I don't want to ctb. I just want this to stop. I want so badly to be normal, but I don't even have nightmares like normal people. My nightmares are tasks that I cannot complete. I have these dreams constantly and I wake up exhausted. I've been on meds before but they just didn't do anything. I feel like it's not even up to me, I just feel like I know how it's going to end. I feel like I'm reading a book and I'm like "oh yeah she's definitely not gonna make it."

I think, you don't need to use this website anymore maybe your confusing with yourself to with others thoughts. Try Don't use this for few days. Maybe some change can happen to you.