Introduction - and some questions

[minsolive]

hey!! I've lurked SaSu for awhile now but never really posted. I guess I just wanted to make a little intro. I have a plan to CTB this year. I've been suicidal for as long as I can remember. even at my happiest it's always been there in the back of my mind. last year i decided i was gonna "do it all" to try and fix myself. i've been in therapy for 6 years. i went back on meds, i did yoga, i went outside for an hour everyday, i hung out with friends, i even did affirmations lol. but nothing changed. i've tried to attempt in the past but i didn't really know what i was doing and i was too scared to fully commit. but i think im ready now! i'm so tired and there's still so much time left to fill. i just don't have it in me. i'm gonna try to save some money for my mom and siblings to have a nice little funeral for me or whatever they need. it probably won't be much but i want to try. i haven't picked a date yet but i know i don't plan on turning 22….



some things id like to discuss if anybody is interested:

• i've started getting my affairs in order. I wrote a note with my bank password, debit pin, credit password, and any belongings i want given to specific people. is there any other information that i should leave behind?
• i want to leave money for my mom to use for a funeral, or just personal stuff. would it be better to give her my bank info or drain my account into cash?
• currently debating between CO w/ charcoal in a tent or SN protocol. either way i'd probably just go to the woods somewhere. i'm worried about a random person finding me and being traumatized. i'm thinking of scheduling an email to the PD to send them to my body. Does anybody have experience with emailing the PD? Would they see it right away? Or is there a better way to alert them? or like any professional. I just don't want to traumatize a poor pedestrian….
• to anybody who knows somebody personally who did CTB, did leaving a note offer any solace? I want to make this as smooth as I can for my loved ones… Not sure if it helps at all for them to know what i was actually going through

sorry if these have all been discussed before. I mostly just want to talk to people I guess…

 

[sanctionedusage]

i'm pretty useless to ask about logistics, but my pm's are open always, if you ever need to talk