Satori Komeiji
Member
- Jul 15, 2025
- 48
-
⚠️ UK Access Block Notice: Beginning July 1, 2025, this site will no longer be accessible from the United Kingdom. This is a voluntary decision made by the site's administrators. We were not forced or ordered to implement this block. If you're located in the UK, we recommend using a VPN to maintain access.
Hii! I'm a 20yo from India (bracing for racist comments).
I have been having thoughts of ending my life for quite some time now. Reason being several, my social life, my parents, and my education. I graduated from high-school in 2023. Since then, have been at home because I am a lazy idiot who cannot study for the life of me, and as a result failed my entrance exams. They are a really big deal here, basically decide your entire life. Everyone had very high expectations for me. So of course, I took a gap year. Failed again. Had lied to everyone of being prepared. Abandoned all of my irl friends out of shame and fear of ridicule (January 2024). Haven't talked to them since. Deleted my WhatsApp too. Decided to take another gap year (last attempt possible) and decided to go to a coaching centre so that I am consistent and also joined a gym to improve myself physically. Had to diet and count calories and macros, but my mom wouldn't cook for me, which is fair, I can cook for myself, so I did, except if was met with contempt ("rotting away in the kitchen like a loser") and a lot of yelling, tired of it, I went to my room to watch some recipes, my dad barged in, allegedly to give me some juice he had prepared, but upon seeing me watch recipes, started yelling at me, I told him to go out several times because I couldn't take the yelling anymore, he didn't, so I pushed him out. This hurt his ego so much that he went to the police to report me for domestic abuse, lying to them saying, "my son beats me", for whatever reason they didn't buy his story so nothing happened to me but this incident broke me and I lost all motivation to improve myself. My gym membership also ran out. This was in October of last year. I've been rotting away in my room since. Also failed my exams again. Last attempt botched. I have no future anymore. No universities to go to. No friends to vent to since I abandoned them all and they've moved much further in life. Nothing to look forward to. Parents who hate me and pretend to care. Nothing to live for.
Anyway, I might've overshared, or maybe not, who knows? This is a platform where we discuss suicide anyway. But this is my introduction. Nice to meet you everyone.
I have been having thoughts of ending my life for quite some time now. Reason being several, my social life, my parents, and my education. I graduated from high-school in 2023. Since then, have been at home because I am a lazy idiot who cannot study for the life of me, and as a result failed my entrance exams. They are a really big deal here, basically decide your entire life. Everyone had very high expectations for me. So of course, I took a gap year. Failed again. Had lied to everyone of being prepared. Abandoned all of my irl friends out of shame and fear of ridicule (January 2024). Haven't talked to them since. Deleted my WhatsApp too. Decided to take another gap year (last attempt possible) and decided to go to a coaching centre so that I am consistent and also joined a gym to improve myself physically. Had to diet and count calories and macros, but my mom wouldn't cook for me, which is fair, I can cook for myself, so I did, except if was met with contempt ("rotting away in the kitchen like a loser") and a lot of yelling, tired of it, I went to my room to watch some recipes, my dad barged in, allegedly to give me some juice he had prepared, but upon seeing me watch recipes, started yelling at me, I told him to go out several times because I couldn't take the yelling anymore, he didn't, so I pushed him out. This hurt his ego so much that he went to the police to report me for domestic abuse, lying to them saying, "my son beats me", for whatever reason they didn't buy his story so nothing happened to me but this incident broke me and I lost all motivation to improve myself. My gym membership also ran out. This was in October of last year. I've been rotting away in my room since. Also failed my exams again. Last attempt botched. I have no future anymore. No universities to go to. No friends to vent to since I abandoned them all and they've moved much further in life. Nothing to look forward to. Parents who hate me and pretend to care. Nothing to live for.
Anyway, I might've overshared, or maybe not, who knows? This is a platform where we discuss suicide anyway. But this is my introduction. Nice to meet you everyone.
EternalShore
Hardworking Lass who Dreams of Love~ 💕✨
- Jun 9, 2023
- 1,433
don't worry~ :) People here are very welcoming and kind to one another~ :) After all, we've experienced very negative events in our own lives~ :( If anyone is ever racist to you, pls make sure to report it, so that the mods can handle it~ :)
Anyways, I'm really sorry to hear about how awful your family treats you and that you also failed your last attempt at your exams~ :( I hope you are still able to get better, as you were trying to do, in spite of these immense setbacks~ >_< if you don't think they'll laugh at you, maybe you can try to get back in contact with your old high school friends~ :) if you haven't stayed in touch, it's possible that one of them failed too, and you can cooperate in regards to what to do now~ :)
Thanks! ^^
I did check up on them a few days before on Instagram and it seems all of them are in top universities either here or abroad.
Hello everyone, my name is Nicolas, I am 28 years old, I have been depressed for some time, I have lost many loved ones in recent years, I have difficulty sleeping well, I have had 5 ts, I have many health problems too, I no longer have anyone around me, and I live alone. These last few months I have been fighting against depression as best I can, it is not easy every day, I want to give up and give up, but sometimes a light revives me. I come to this forum to discuss my adventure
Hello everyone. 19 year old guy from
Sweden here. Ever since I was young I've felt disconnected from everybody else, I've always found that there's something wrong with me and all these bad things keep on happening to me, I feel so alone and I hate myself so much, my personality, looks and everything else. All I ever wanted was to live a normal life. I also want to be and feel loved by someone else than my parents, but maybe it isn't for me. Anyways, as of right now I'm unemployed, so I only go to the gym, maybe talk to a friend of mine sometimes, I don't really do much. Maybe there's a bit more to me but eh who cares this is getting to long for anyone to care :D
//Matheo
Sweden here. Ever since I was young I've felt disconnected from everybody else, I've always found that there's something wrong with me and all these bad things keep on happening to me, I feel so alone and I hate myself so much, my personality, looks and everything else. All I ever wanted was to live a normal life. I also want to be and feel loved by someone else than my parents, but maybe it isn't for me. Anyways, as of right now I'm unemployed, so I only go to the gym, maybe talk to a friend of mine sometimes, I don't really do much. Maybe there's a bit more to me but eh who cares this is getting to long for anyone to care :D
//Matheo
WorldsEndFriend
New Member
- Feb 20, 2023
- 2
WorldsEndFriend, female, I work as a billing specialist. Ah, well I lurked here for a while, too shy to post, but I have now I guess. I like to 'escape', in eating sushi, roleplaying with AI, making songs with AI. Making my characters sing is a huge thrill. Some people hate AI, and I get it, but it's helping me to distract from pain. I used to roleplay a lot, that was great, mosty I focus on myself now, solitary. I also really like skincare, it's self soothing.
Oh yeah, and I like to sing a lot. I sing or listen to music to block out negative thoughts to prevent from really painful loneliness or depression.
Oh yeah, and I like to sing a lot. I sing or listen to music to block out negative thoughts to prevent from really painful loneliness or depression.
CTB set me free
Chief Commander Cheesy Beef Burrito Supreme
- Jul 16, 2025
- 10
Hi, I'm a 36 year old male that has had ME/CFS for about 5 and half years and haven't worked for that amount of time. I had one serious attempt to CTB in October 2023 swallowing somewhere between 200-300 non enteric-coated asprin based off an LD50 and a case report of someone who managed to CTB this way. The case report said the guy didn't get medical treatment until 8 hours after ingestion and they couldn't reverse the salycilate poising and he died. I tried to mimic this because I wanted to CTB but I didn't want my family to find my body. I felt like I was about to pass out around the 4 to 5 hour mark so I called EMT and hoped enough time had passed to where my salycilate poisoning wouldn't be reversible. They took a couple hours to decide what to do since charcoal was out of the question since I absorbed all the asprin by that time. They had to call poison control so I thought that might buy me time until they could start haemodialysis. I figured my poisoning would be irreversible. They gave me a 50/50 chance of survival and I was pretty sure I was gonna die since I had a hardcore DMT like hallucination which made me think that my brain was officially shutting down. Unfortunately I came to 2 days later and am still here. BTW, I definitely would not recommend CTB via asprin and I wish I would have found this website beforehand. Asprin poisoning is an unbelievably long irritating process and the ear ringing is super annoying before you pass out, or rather blackout and act out.
I'd say if you want a chance at life, you need to try to move out ASAP since being in that environment will eventually eat away at you until even the most brutal forms of CTB will seem like a good idea. But I understand how hard it is to try motivate yourself when it seem like there is nothing to look forward too. At the very least you need some sort of outlet or escape. Perhaps you could try lucid dreaming since waking life sucks at the moment. Maybe not the best advice since lucid dreaming can be hard for a lot of people. Anyways I hope your situation improves.
Perhaps this is unsolicited advice, but I'd say depending on where you live, it would probably be good to get full body direct sun exposure in the morning (not through a window). This could improve your ability to sleep by correcting your circadian rhythm and potentially help with some aspects of depression by getting pure natural Vitamin D. I hope that light that revives you on occasion grows brighter.
Last edited:
_Maya
Maybe tomorrow.
- Jan 26, 2025
- 125
Heyo, I'm maya. I'm a 19 transgender female. I'm hispanic, but was born in the united states.
I don't do much. I write, play games, listen to a lot of music, and occasionally self harm.
I really like metric, red vox, that handsome devil, Madilyn mei, and other music artists.
and yeah, thats it really.
I don't do much. I write, play games, listen to a lot of music, and occasionally self harm.
I really like metric, red vox, that handsome devil, Madilyn mei, and other music artists.
and yeah, thats it really.
Hello, I am a male, mid30s, from EU. I never had a girlfriend (yes, in almost 40 years of life) because I am ugly and short and the loneliness as well as societal contempt has become too much to bear.
What kept me alive so far is a combination of procrastination (been occasionally lurking here for ~2 years) and being too much of a pussy to kill myself violently. Fear of death used to be a factor too but nowadays I am more scared to live up to 50-60yo alone than to die. Death will happen anyways, and whatever would happen between now and my natural death is not worth living.
Aside from that I like video games I guess.
EDIT: Grammar
What kept me alive so far is a combination of procrastination (been occasionally lurking here for ~2 years) and being too much of a pussy to kill myself violently. Fear of death used to be a factor too but nowadays I am more scared to live up to 50-60yo alone than to die. Death will happen anyways, and whatever would happen between now and my natural death is not worth living.
Aside from that I like video games I guess.
EDIT: Grammar
Last edited:
Hello, welcome. "CTB set me free", has a nice ring to it.
