Introduce yourself

[hollowmom]

Hi!

New to the forums and still trying to figure everything out here, so hope I am doing this right!

I am a 30+ YO Female from the states.

I have been married to my husband for almost 10 years and we have one child together. I have severe anxiety and depression to some degree. These have been complicated due to the current state of the world/usa, the resentment/bullying in my marriage, lack of family, and my special needs child's lack of access to appropriate resources. I frequently ping pong between wanting to CTB daily and desperately wanting to live. I have seen countless therapists and tried numerous medications over the past 15+ years yet nothing seems to stick. Last year I attended a partial hospitalization program which helped for a big but now I am right back where I started.

I joined this site for a sense of community. Where I can talk openly about my fears, feelings, and desires to CTB without being involuntarily committed.

Thank you for having me.

 

[zyprexa]

you probably know this but just in case, your DMs are still locked and you don't have access to the chat yet. you should make more comments/posts to unlock them. :)

haha yep I know but thank you ^_^ my mind is such a mess that I it takes forever to write anything, but I'm slowly working on it >_<

 

[Unseelie]

Hiiii I'm Seelie! I'm 23, trans, and just trying to be okay. I like ttrpgs hehehe. So if you wanna talk to me about different role-playing games you like, hmu :3

 

[kittycore]

hii all! I've been quietly browsing this place for a while, finally felt brave enough to make an account

I'm 22f from the US, and love reading novels, hiking, baking, and collecting plushies =) my bed is basically a sea of them lol. I'm here because I'm a complete wreck of a person and my life is being swallowed up by anxiety. I frequently don't eat for days, going anywhere feels like a monumental task, and I self harm constantly to cope with it now. I'm hoping to ctb in the coming months, because I desperatelyyy want to escape it all and I'm not sure I have any other option atp. I wish I could erase myself from existence along with any memories others have of me honestly

anyways, until then I'll probably be around often! seems like there's a lot of kind / understanding people in this community

 

[throwaway123]

I am M24 from Germany, I've been absent here for a couple of years, now back since things are worse again. Nothing has really changed, I just stuffed the depression down and its come back up or should I say my life is still shit.
i meditate sometimes but it doesnt do shit

 

[Sergeant45]

Greetings,


I believe it is time to leave my mark here too since a few people have asked me what brings me here..... I am planning on staying here for a while, until my bus comes one of these days in the future. Let me put a spoiler so you do not need to scroll across a wall of text.

Spoiler: My introduction.

I am Lucy from Germany. Yes I am a woman despite my masculine sounding usernames, speaking of usernames, don't get attached to the one I've got as I am writing this, I'll change it in the near future. Very sad, I know!!!! I speak German, English, Norwegian, Russian, and Finnish.

INTJ personality, young adult, never sex or relationship or a ''I love you''. I don't care that hard anymore though. I like cartoons, firearms, and Metal music. What a combination..... Every person I liked is deceased by now.

I have suffered a mental trauma and genetic physical illness my entire life which outweigh living for me. I already knew what ctb was as a child, and from then on knew I would want to go out like that too. I also believe in a belief I was born into but respect atheists and critics. My goal is to absolve my test of life, and live heaven as I will build it for myself as reward.

Thank you for reading..... gotta catch the bus!!!! Or well, not yet.


Regards

 

[temporarystayhere]

Hi, I go by Winnie and I'm 29F from the east coast of the USA. I've lurked for about a year and have been too scared to join (not even sure why I was scared). I'm an immigration lawyer living in large city and have struggled with depression, anxiety, and eating disorders my entire life. The depression has come and gone in waves, but since finishing law school a few years ago, my depression has been this cloud I cannot escape from. It has never been so dark and serious before. I've been very seriously thinking of CBT, but I'm petrified of death. I have no one to talk about this with except my therapist, which is an isolating experience. I joined so I can be a part of a community of people who share similar thoughts to mine and understand the tourment. I'll probably be most active on the recovery page, as I've been desperately trying to recover.

 

[dayhell]

Hi, I'm Day, 26, been depressed for 10 years and I just want to die. Willing to discuss project sekai though if anyone wants to hmu. I'm afraid I'll be here for a while because suicide is terrifying even if I feel like I can't take it anymore.

 

[jumpingoffpoint]

Hey friends, I'm new here. I'm both better than I've ever been and near the end… I reckon that probably makes sense to some of you. I'm glad I found you all cos I was starting to think I was truly lost. I am randomly listening to this song right now which seems really fitting. I scream at walls and walk in circles talking to myself when no one else is around and turn up to work and do my job all the rest of the fukn time. Thinking seriously about shallow water blackout but I need to properly go through the thread. I have the place picked out. I hope whatever you're doing you can get some joy out of it. x

 

[Satori Komeiji]

Hello! I'm not sure what I should be called...I didn't think that far ahead. But anyways, I am 20 and am a very isolated individual who likes Touhou (if you can believe it) as well as various nerdy computer things like programming and sysadmin stuff. I am just trying to live life as best as I possibly can for my limited time here.

 

[Rynalia]

Hello! I'm not sure what I should be called...I didn't think that far ahead. But anyways, I am 20 and am a very isolated individual who likes Touhou (if you can believe it) as well as various nerdy computer things like programming and sysadmin stuff. I am just trying to live life as best as I possibly can for my limited time here.

2hu fan spotted!!

I'm a Gengetsu apologist. Sorry, not sorry.

 

[Satori Komeiji]

2hu fan spotted!!

I'm a Gengetsu apologist. Sorry, not sorry.

I actually have hardly touched the PC-98 era hehe but I do have to get around to doing that at some point! You may be able to figure out what my favorite game is without me having to tell you :)

 

[Rynalia]

I actually have hardly touched the PC-98 era hehe but I do have to get around to doing that at some point! You may be able to figure out what my favorite game is without me having to tell you :)

This feels like a bait and switch, ahahaha.

I'd like to say SA, but it could very well be DS, HM, ULiL or VD for that matter. Since there are appearances in all of those, iirc.

 

[Satori Komeiji]

This feels like a bait and switch, ahahaha.

I'd like to say SA, but it could very well be DS, HM, ULiL or VD for that matter. Since there are appearances in all of those, iirc.

Not sure what you mean about the bait and switch but yes its SA. I actually haven't played any newer games than that so I guess I wouldn't have known that! Too many games, not enough time...I try to 1cc the ones I play so it takes a while to do each one!

 

[EternalShore]

2hu fan spotted!!

I'm a Gengetsu apologist. Sorry, not sorry.

I actually have hardly touched the PC-98 era hehe but I do have to get around to doing that at some point! You may be able to figure out what my favorite game is without me having to tell you :)

oooo~ Did I hear PC-98 from someone who wasn't me~? :333
Gengetsu is very neat~ :) I prefer Ellen and Yumemi tho! :3
I'm not a big fan of the bomb system in SA, but I still really like SA too because I looove Marisa B (and how she can swap between 5 different shot types~ :D)~ :) try to guess my favorite Touhou game! ^_^

 

[Satori Komeiji]

oooo~ Did I hear PC-98 from someone who wasn't me~? :333
Gengetsu is very neat~ :) I prefer Ellen and Yumemi tho! :3
I'm not a big fan of the bomb system in SA, but I looove Marisa B (and how she can swap between 5 different shot types~ :D)~ :) try to guess my favorite Touhou game! ^_^

The bomb system in SA certainly fits the oppressive atmosphere that the game gives off with how harsh resource management already is. I didn't like it in MoF though. I mostly wish bombs in SA were more than just a button you press for i-frames with the exception of ReimuA. You mentioned PC-98 so I am going to guess MS :)

 

[Rynalia]

oooo~ Did I hear PC-98 from someone who wasn't me~? :333
Gengetsu is very neat~ :) I prefer Ellen and Yumemi tho! :3
I'm not a big fan of the bomb system in SA, but I still really like SA too because I looove Marisa B (and how she can swap between 5 different shot types~ :D)~ :) try to guess my favorite Touhou game! ^_^

I'm only going off Kana right now, so PoDD.

Is this another bait and switch chance? ಠ⁠_⁠ಠ

 

[EternalShore]

The bomb system in SA certainly fits the oppressive atmosphere that the game gives off with how harsh resource management already is. I didn't like it in MoF though. I mostly wish bombs in SA were more than just a button you press for i-frames with the exception of ReimuA. You mentioned PC-98 so I am going to guess MS :)

true, yeah! hehe~ I guess I prefer bombs not actively making you less powerful tho~ >_< since that's just another reason to avoid using them [which I'm bad enough at~ :(]~ >_< but yeah, if you like SA's, I can see why you wouldn't life MoF's because it literally gives you a free bomb~ :)
too true for Marisa B in that game as well tho~ >_< it rather sucks but on some bosses, it's easier just to go right up next to them and bomb rather than to actually try and clear them~ >_< MS is fun too, but~ :3

Anyways, you mentioned not playing newer ones~ Me neither! ^_^ which ones have you 1cc'd? :D

I'm only going off Kana right now, so PoDD.

Is this another bait and switch chance? ಠ⁠_⁠ಠ

Nope, it's not a bait and switch! ^_^ It is PoDD, yeah~ :D its plot is so funny, characters so neat, and gameplay so fun for me~ >w< What's yours, Rynalia? :D LLS, based on how generally enjoyable it is (PC-98 is the best~ >w<) and Gengetsu? xD

 

[Satori Komeiji]

Anyways, you mentioned not playing newer ones~ Me neither! ^_^ which ones have you 1cc'd? :D

So far I've 1cc'd PCB, IN, and MoF. I also did the PCB extra stage. I'm aware SA is quite the leap in difficulty from those games but I'm raising the bar I suppose. That's the game I am playing currently. It's a game that is not kind to those who aren't willing to put in the hours to practice. I have I believe ~8 hours in SA so far.

 

[EternalShore]

So far I've 1cc'd PCB, IN, and MoF. I also did the PCB extra stage. I'm aware SA is quite the leap in difficulty from those games but I'm raising the bar I suppose. That's the game I am playing currently. It's a game that is not kind to those who aren't willing to put in the hours to practice. I have I believe ~8 hours in SA so far.

very neat~ ^_^ altho, yup, that's quite the leap in difficulty! xD I noticed you skipped it, so I'll say that PoFV is underrated btw! :3 but ofc I say that because my favorite is PoDD~ >_<
anyways, SA really isn't kind to newcomers, yesu! :((( It took me like a whole month of attempts to 1cc it~ >_< best of luck to you tho~ ^_^ Orin's theme is really nice, but her battle is sooo hard as I'm sure you're experiencing rn! xD How far have you gotten in it so far? :D

 

[Rynalia]

Nope, it's not a bait and switch! ^_^ It is PoDD, yeah~ :D its plot is so funny, characters so neat, and gameplay so fun for me~ >w< What's yours, Rynalia? :D LLS, based on how generally enjoyable it is (PC-98 is the best~ >w<) and Gengetsu? xD

Nah, it's HRtP.
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.
.
.
.
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Just kidding, of course it's LLS~ (⁠＾⁠∇⁠＾⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠♪

 

[Satori Komeiji]

very neat~ ^_^ altho, yup, that's quite the leap in difficulty! xD I noticed you skipped it, so I'll say that PoFV is underrated btw! :3 but ofc I say that because my favorite is PoDD~ >_<
anyways, SA really isn't kind to newcomers, yesu! :((( It took me like a whole month of attempts to 1cc it~ >_< best of luck to you tho~ ^_^ Orin's theme is really nice, but her battle is sooo hard as I'm sure you're experiencing rn! xD How far have you gotten in it so far? :D

Yeah I played PoFV with a friend once and it was pretty fun! I haven't given it much time beyond that though and I really should at some point. I've been playing SA for maybe 2 weeks now? And yeah the farthest I've gotten on normal without continues is Orin although yesterday I did a Orin practice session and I can beat her (almost) without losing any lives so maybe I could get to Okuu next time I do a proper run! Okuu's last two spells though are just absurd though and are going to require more practice....

 

[EternalShore]

Nah, it's HRtP.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Just kidding, of course it's LLS~ (⁠＾⁠∇⁠＾⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠♪

xDDD so kyute and silly~ ^_^ and yessss, LLS is so good~ :DDD have you beaten Gengetsu before~? :) I've beaten Mugetsu, but she's so tough~ >_< I have actually met someone who said their favorite was HRtP tho~ xD which is crazy to me because when I say I like PC-98, I exclude the first 2 (altho, SoEW's plot and characters are good~)~ xD

Anyways, which ones have you 1cc'd~? :3

Yeah I played PoFV with a friend once and it was pretty fun! I haven't given it much time beyond that though and I really should at some point. I've been playing SA for maybe 2 weeks now? And yeah the farthest I've gotten on normal without continues is Orin although yesterday I did a Orin practice session and I can beat her (almost) without losing any lives so maybe I could get to Okuu next time I do a proper run! Okuu's last two spells though are just absurd though and are going to require more practice....

I'm glad you had fun with it! :D PoDD and PoFV are always lots of fun with friends, yessss~ >w< if you ever do decide to play it more, I will tell you tho that the way you should play with others isn't how you should play with the computers! :)
oooo~ That's wonderful! :D It seems like you might be able to 1cc it soon then, yeah~ :D Just more practice is needed~ ^_^ How did you get practice mode tho~? I thought you have to beat the stage to get it, which makes it kinda useless~ :(((

 

[Satori Komeiji]

I will tell you tho that the way you should play with others isn't how you should play with the computers! :)

I don't think I ever played it enough to develop any specific strategies :o

How did you get practice mode tho~? I thought you have to beat the stage to get it, which makes it kinda useless~ :(((

I use the thprac mod so I can practice specific spellcards!
Also I kinda like HrtP, certainly not one of my favorites but it can be pretty fun

 

[Rynalia]

xDDD so kyute and silly~ ^_^ and yessss, LLS is so good~ :DDD have you beaten Gengetsu before~? :) I've beaten Mugetsu, but she's so tough~

Yes I have! Not the infamous time out GGRT of course because if I could, I probably wouldn't be human.

>_< I have actually met someone who said their favorite was HRtP tho~ xD which is crazy to me because when I say I like PC-98, I exclude the first 2 (altho, SoEW's plot and characters are good~)~ xD

Anyways, which ones have you 1cc'd~? :3

Everything, basically! Mostly on Lunatic.

Although because of attempts and other life circumstances my dexterity, hand-eye coordination, reaction time and such took a major hit. Starting from around HSiFS, I've basically been unable to read or react to things like I used to so I've dropped down difficulty, sadly.

Lately I've been working on trying to get back to where I was, hopefully in time for FW release next month.

We'll see though.

 

[EternalShore]

I don't think I ever played it enough to develop any specific strategies :o

I use the thprac mod so I can practice specific spellcards!
Also I kinda like HrtP, certainly not one of my favorites but it can be pretty fun

fair enough~ If you've only played it once, that makes sense! hehe~
ahh, very neat~ ^_^ that should help you quite a lot~ ^_^

Just wondering, have you unlocked conversations yet? :) I was thinking that we could all talk there to stop filling up this thread~ ^_^

Yes I have! Not the infamous time out GGRT of course because if I could, I probably wouldn't be human.


Everything, basically! Mostly on Lunatic.

Although because of attempts and other life circumstances my dexterity, hand-eye coordination, reaction time and such took a major hit. Starting from around HSiFS, I've basically been unable to read or react to things like I used to so I've dropped down difficulty, sadly.

Lately I've been working on trying to get back to where I was, hopefully in time for FW release next month.

We'll see though.

ah, that's great! :D and yeahhh, I don't think anyone ever could, but you know~ If it gets more popular, I think someone will one day memorize it completely~ after all, someone literally beat Tetris of all games a while ago! xD

woah~ That's crazy~ xDDD I've only been able to 1cc almost all of the ones I've played on Normal and some of the ones I like more on Hard~ I'm rusty tho too~ xD

That's unfortunate tho~ :( I'm really sorry to hear and wish you could be as good as you used to be~ >_< and ofc, failed attempts always suck lots too~ :( As far as that goes tho, as I understand, non-Phantasmagoria games all have memorizable patterns and strategies, so if you're able to learn those, then you're golden~ :D

I hope you are able to play well at it then~ ^_^ I guess it's something to look forward to at least~ :D

 

[Satori Komeiji]

Just wondering, have you unlocked conversations yet? :) I was thinking that we could all talk there to stop filling up this thread~ ^_^

I have not :/ I used to play a lot of tetris so im surprised to see that mentioned here. Maybe there is a correlation with tetris and touhou fans? hmmmmmm....

 

[EternalShore]

I have not :/ I used to play a lot of tetris so im surprised to see that mentioned here. Maybe there is a correlation with tetris and touhou fans? hmmmmmm....

nuuuu~ >_< just tell me when you do, oki~ ^_^ you're both nice to talk to~ ^_^
I don't play Tetris except when others force me to~ I just got recommended a video about that once, but I never watched it~ xD Puyo Puyo is kyuter and more colorful~ ^_^ altho, that doesn't mean I'm good or play it often either~ xD

 

[Satori Komeiji]

nuuuu~ >_< just tell me when you do, oki~ ^_^ you're both nice to talk to~ ^_^
I don't play Tetris except when others force me to~ I just got recommended a video about that once, but I never watched it~ xD Puyo Puyo is kyuter and more colorful~ ^_^ altho, that doesn't mean I'm good or play it often either~ xD

You may still be able to start a conversation with me. It seems like the limitation might just be that I can't start conversations. I also have played Puyo Puyo but I am absolutely awful at it. It just makes me want to go back to a game I'm actually half decent at like Tetris :)

 

[EternalShore]

You may still be able to start a conversation with me. It seems like the limitation might just be that I can't start conversations. I also have played Puyo Puyo but I am absolutely awful at it. It just makes me want to go back to a game I'm actually half decent at like Tetris :)

"You may not start a conversation with the following recipients: Satori Komeiji." oh well~ >_< just tell me~ Otherwise, I'll try again in a week! :)
Anyways, it's not so good that you're not so good at Puyo Puyo, Satori~ >_< but hey~ At least, you have games which you find more fun instead~ ^_^