Introduce yourself

[gambara1]

Hi:

I've recently joined this community after lurking for some time, and appreciating what a supportive place it seems.

40s man from Australia. I've made some poor choices in my life, and have been paying the price for them. Slowly being isolated from my children - my ex-wife takes every opportunity to remind everyone, my children included, about what I did but never the positive things I do.

CBT is the only real choice I feel like I have, as family, friendship groups, acquaintances, have all been told about my mistakes. Have a decent plan to end things in the next two weeks.

It's like a knife in my heart to think about leaving my kids. But I hope one day they'll understand.

 

[requiemforadream]

Hello everyone! Ex-paramedic here, suffering from PTSD for two years now. I lost my home, custody of my son. Attempted suicide by jumping off the bridge may this year and ended up with spinal injury. I am glad this forum exists so everyone can express themself without being judged.

 

[harlow-paige]

hey i'm an early 30s trans femme/ enby in the uk.

don't really want to go all tragic backstory, so i'll just say i've had traumatic experiences all through life. chronically isolated and struggle to connect with other people. constantly feeling broken and disconnected from everything, other people, reality, even myself.

glad there's a place where i and others can express these types of emotions and thoughts

 

[FindingVeritas]

Hey there, I'll probably just go by V or Veritas on here. I'm 24 years old from Canada, I was born with muscular dystrophy and then gained BPD + C-PTSD from my upbringing. I also may have an eating disorder but I don't want to self diagnose. I regret not letting myself get murdered 6 years ago.
I've attempted 7 times as of the 28th of December and I'm done with failing, I'm done with making myself sicker, I'm done with hurting the people around me because my pain is so deep it flows out of me as easily as breathing. I've hurt the man that I've given up everything for, my last lifeline, who I thought I could get better for to have a future with. I know it's silly to kill myself over a man but it's not really over him, it was just the last thread I had been clinging to for years. When I called him the salve of my soul I truly meant it.

I need to be able to talk about the process as I prepare because it is incredibly isolating but also freeing to know I have a clear exit in my future. I want to make sure I don't miss some important step that I'm oblivious to (my will, ensuring I can have a green burial, tying up loose ends in multiple ways lol). And it's nice to have somewhere to finally talk/research with like minded people.

 

[CutToRelease]

Let this be another Mark of my current being. Also if we are reading this in the future ya hi us. My name is Shawn. I'm a forgetful artist with no job and a very heavy habit of SH. Like to make mask in my free time. Cant remember anything beyond a couple of mouths ago. And if I do remember something it feels like I'm a spector to someone else. So yeah I am only me in the present. Also me from the past yells at me a lot in the from of note or messages to my self. He is a asshole. Any how bye for know.

 

[chemicalburns]

Hi! My username isn't my real name, but it's one that brings me comfort, so I'd really appreciate it if you could call me that.
I have a CHD, so I'm not exactly healthy, and having multiple allergies on top of that doesn't make things any easier for me.
I'm terrified of the idea of bones and veins. Not so much their depictions, but every time I'm reminded or realize I have bones and veins under my skin, I feel literal chills down my spine.

 

[bluepotato]

Hi, from Australia.

struggled with bipolar last 10 years.

Lost interest in most things and life is just existing not living

 

[dead-mother]

Hey guys,

Noticed a lot of threads pop up with new members saying hey. To reduce clutter we have decided to make a welcome thread for everyone new to introduce themselves and for people to welcome them, basically merging all future welcome posts into this one.

With that said, welcome to Sanctioned Suicide, we're a pro-choice forum; make sure to read the rules and check the resource sticky out too!

Post your introductions here!

Hi,

My 11.5 year old son died unexpectedly and suddenly in October 2024. He woke up at 4.30am and came to me and told me he loved me and gave me a massive hug. I asked if he was okay and he told me he was but that he just felt "a bit funny." I never thought much about it and he went back to his bed. 2 hours later, I was woken up to him crying out for help. I thought he was having an asthma attack and called an ambulance. It turned out his aorta had ruptured. He underwent a day of diagnostic investigations before during a 10.5 hour open-heart surgery, later that day.

Ironically, my own heart is now broken and i don't want to live in a world without him. I don't want to experience anything without him or make new memories. I don't want to go anywhere that isn't his graveside (but even when I'm there I feel horrendous). I have three other children but I do not feel like I am their Mum any more - I am like a zombie. I think it is time for me to CTB and be laid to rest with my Son. He is my eldest child and we had a very deep bond. I love him so much life and every day since he fell unwell has been hell.

I feel lost and torn, in many respects, between CTB and remaining here with my Husband and living children (the youngest of whom was born in November, the day after my Son's funeral).

Some would regard a departure as selfish but I don't feel like I am a full person any more and this would at least allow my Husband to move on (eventually) and replace me. Also, I feel like I am going to end up making them sad too.

 

[John_Galt]

Hello, I am new here -Male, 19 from the good ole' heart of the South in North America

I Found this place from that YouTube video from Tantacrul, This is an Interesting community of Like-minded individuals and I am grateful for all the method information, But seeing all the stories though - This world truly is a dark underbelly... I now see the grime of it all, I'm glad Im not the only one who wishes to die but perhaps also saddened to see the world fail the youth and elderly and see the scars of it online in this forum... and well in the world too Ah I'm rambling but Its nice to meet everyone - Thanks for reading, For what it is worth I wish you peace in Life or Death, Namaste.

 

[Nadienobody]

Hi, I am a man in my early 30s from Spain.

I suffer from extreme social anxiety since I was kid, (I am probably autistic but I have never gone to a psychologist). I was smart and good at sports but this has completely ruined my life. Writing this is probably the most social thing I have done in the last 10 years, I have tried to avoid every possible social situation at any cost. Now I have reached a point where I can't keep living like this, maybe I will make one last attempt to recover but i feel it is too late for me.

I have been reading the forum since the reddit days but never had the courage to say anything, I guess now I have nothing to lose.

 

[yeahyeahyeahfan]

Heya. I'm a twenty-seven year old transgirl from America, in the Northeast. I've been wanting to CTB since I learned it was an option back in grade school. I've tried and failed twice, and am hoping to be able to get out before I turn twenty-eight. I've got a bunch of mental illnesses, including autism and CPTSD, so I'm sorry in advance if I say anything weird.

 

[little star]

hello
I'm little star, I'm nineteen. I like to listen to music, and i like to sleep, and spend time with friends. I'm often by myself and feel really lonely.
i'm embarrassed about my incompetent personality.. but I think our world is really beautiful and I enjoy being alive. the peaceful and unattached feeling of being suicidal always stays in the back of my mind though, and comforts me immensely when I'm in pain.
i've never used a forum site before, the idea of talking to strangers online scares me a bit, but I wanted to try anyway. I have a dream to make friends around the world one day.
hi everyone! it's nice to meet you

 

[FaultyCepheus]

Never introduced myself here so I might since I decided to not just lurk. I'm fine with being called domi or vik (neither being my names) I'm a graphic designer and I'm going to med school if money issues in my family allow me to (and my mental health as well). I'm polish (sadly) but I love travelling abroad. I'm interested in literature, painting, sewing, cosplay and a lot of different shows (cartoons, anime, live action, everything basically). I listen to all kinds of music but I'm diehard McCafferty fan! And I plan to learn how to play piano. I'm autistic, possibly have dissociative issues but I'm just trying to go through my life and survive somehow. Also I'm catholic!

Bit irrelevant but i love mccafferty so much !! Im happy to see other fans on here! Mccafferty has helped me through so many tough times the lyrics hit so hard when you can relate.
My favourite songs are probably when the lightning hit, boat by a lake and donnie, you?

 

[death_by_life]

Um, I've been here for a few months, but just saw this thread now. I'm middle-aged, female, and have had suicidal ideation since I was about 11. I've never tried, but have been reckless at times with situations and chemicals, though obviously not reckless enough to make any difference. Related to that I have SH'd a number of times, the last one about a year ago. In addition to the garden-variety treatment-resistant depression and anxiety, I have a chronic illness that unfortunately will never kill me on its own, but is part of the reason I'm here.

The other part, ridiculous as it is, is because of a boy. He was my best friend for a number of years, and I love(d) him deeply. Turns out every single part of it was a lie. Everything. He was married, which I knew, but he told me he wanted just me. What he really wanted was a shiny new toy, and just to see what would happen with me. I wasn't his only toy (I found out recently), and after what I thought was a frank, honest conversation, he was bored with me and cheated on me with a stranger on vacation and wanted my empathy when that toy wasn't 100% on board with him (so he took a road trip and fucked another toy he said was just a friend). Then, his wife contacted me and I had to be honest with her, and as horrible as it felt to be betrayed, it was multiplied a thousandfold by also being a betrayer. I got what I deserve, and with all of that and not being able to provide for myself because of the depression and chronic illness, I just can't do this anymore. The only reasons I'm still here are my animals (the people will be fine, but it will be a shock to the animals), and the ideal method of N is basically impossible to achieve, so I'm having to take time to figure out another way that's clean, simple, and as painless as possible for everyone.

There's more, but that was rambly and whiny enough, but I appreciate being able to say it nonetheless. Thank you for this community where these sorts of things are more safely said.

 

[Greyhawk]

Hi, I'm glad I finally stumbled upon a forum where suicide can be discussed without being censored or judged. I'm 21 year old uni student from a nordic country and I have had suicidal thoughts for about 6 years now. I have felt like on outsider and that there is something seriously wrong with me since middle school. I was just diagnosed with bipolar disorder and lost my cousin to suicide a while back. I will hopefully CTB if i don't get my shit together, don't know when. I'm conflicted because I don't want to cause pain to my family of friends but I also feel like I'm a worthless disappointment so I'll probably do a them a favor. I like movies, tv shows and video games. Also some sports when I'm not depressed.

 

[DevonBostick'sAss]

Hello, I've already had information about the existence of this website. I've never had the courage to submit for an account but i am finally here. I am 20 year old uni student in Middle East. I've been doing self harming since I was 14. I have never felt I belong anywhere in my life. Never ever. I've got ED and I simply just cant take it anymore I guess. I have only tried twice to CTB. Obviously I failed. Slay. IDK what to do right now in my life but I guess we'll see where it goes. Thats it.

 

[Solace]

Hi everyone! Finally made an account after lurking here on and off for quite a while as I relate to many of the posters here.

I'm a late 20s guy from the US, and have been severely depressed and anxious since I was a teenager (maybe before that, but that's when I got diagnosed). I went through a period of substance abuse that I think has left me with permanent anxiety regulation and memory/attention issues. I've also had more "normal" health stuff happen over the past few years that's left me with permanent damage and chronic pain. I used to have a lot going for myself despite my problems, but it has all deteriorated along with my mental state. My hope that things will get better keeps shrinking, to the point where I'm now deciding on my ctb method. I think my life may be beyond repairing at this point.

Anyway, I love music (making and listening), reading, movies (especially horror, drama, and sci fi) — pretty much all art stuff — lucid dreaming, and talking about all sorts of interesting things with people. I hope to be a kind and thoughtful presence on this forum :)

 

[cr33p]

Hi everyone… I'm a 27 year old mom from the US. I guess I'd say I like music, art, and being a good mom to my daughter. My stress and bpd have been eating me alive lately… I can't thank everyone here enough, I feel so grateful to have found this forum. This is the most hopeful I've felt in a very long time. I've been trapped in a bad situation for the last 9 years with no hope of getting out of it anytime soon (or ever). At this point there's nothing that brings me comfort besides ctb. I don't want to leave my daughter (my happy place is always her and I on an island together), but I believe it's for the best. I don't trust her father to be a good parent to her, especially as she gets older. Before I go I want to figure out how to get my sister legal custody of my daughter. Her dad cannot provide for her but my sister has done everything in her life right and has a wealthy husband and they can certainly provide a good life for her. I'm currently in therapy for bpd and early childhood trauma. I dont plan on being here much longer, I just need to make sure I get all my affairs in order. I wish life wasn't like this but it's never been fair to me and most of my life has been spent metaphorical trapped in a cage. With no hope of ever getting out. If anyone wants to reach out I'd be more than happy to get to know you!

 

[neverself]

Hello I am 18 years old, transgender girl in a muslim country.

I feel as if I was never meant for this world. I hate being transgender, I feel so ugly in my body as I didn't transition earlier and now I just look like a male... probably forever. I feel like I'm weak, spoilt and dumb... And at the same time I also feel like nobody in my present like really cares about my struggles even after scarring myself, nobody wants to listen. I aspire to be a filmmaker which is going well but its really more like a distraction than anything. I wish peace for everyone.

 

[Solace]

Hi everyone… I'm a 27 year old mom from the US. I guess I'd say I like music, art, and being a good mom to my daughter. My stress and bpd have been eating me alive lately… I can't thank everyone here enough, I feel so grateful to have found this forum. This is the most hopeful I've felt in a very long time. I've been trapped in a bad situation for the last 9 years with no hope of getting out of it anytime soon (or ever). At this point there's nothing that brings me comfort besides ctb. I don't want to leave my daughter (my happy place is always her and I on an island together), but I believe it's for the best. I don't trust her father to be a good parent to her, especially as she gets older. Before I go I want to figure out how to get my sister legal custody of my daughter. Her dad cannot provide for her but my sister has done everything in her life right and has a wealthy husband and they can certainly provide a good life for her. I'm currently in therapy for bpd and early childhood trauma. I dont plan on being here much longer, I just need to make sure I get all my affairs in order. I wish life wasn't like this but it's never been fair to me and most of my life has been spent metaphorical trapped in a cage. With no hope of ever getting out. If anyone wants to reach out I'd be more than happy to get to know you!

This seems like a really difficult situation. It sounds like you love your daughter a lot. I empathize with your trapped feeling of hopelessness, it's such a disappointing feeling. Has the therapy not been helping much?

Hello I am 18 years old, transgender girl in a muslim country.

I feel as if I was never meant for this world. I hate being transgender, I feel so ugly in my body as I didn't transition earlier and now I just look like a male... probably forever. I feel like I'm weak, spoilt and dumb... And at the same time I also feel like nobody in my present like really cares about my struggles even after scarring myself, nobody wants to listen. I aspire to be a filmmaker which is going well but its really more like a distraction than anything. I wish peace for everyone.

From what I've read it seems like it would be really hard to be trans in a Muslim country. It makes me sad to see how many users here are trans and how often life must be so hard in that situation. It's cool filmmaking is going well though, are you working on anything right now?

 

[Nickname]

Hi,

I am 58 and living in the UK for 22 years.

Separated with grown up kids.

Never tried anything in the past to end my existence but really thinking of it for 2 years.

I am on that point now where I feel desperate to go.

I wanted a quick shot in the head away from anyone, just me and mother nature.
Gun is the problem I don know where to start and I am always concerned of being scammed or get flagged to the police.

My second option would be a suicidal pill but again, where....

I don't want to try and fail, just get the job done once.

I hope you guys find peace or whatever you looking for.

Thank you for allowing me to join and be able for the first to share my thoughts.

 

[Pricoseb]

Hello everyone. I'm sorry I cannot describe myself atm, it's just to hard atm so I just want wanted to say hello.

 

[Xandroi]

Hey everyone,

I just joined yesterday. I have ruined my life all by myself noone to blame! saw the highs now in the lows.. here to vent A LOT! and wait for my bus (hopefully by the year ends as i still have some commitments left) been planning the "journey" since i was 13. this is the year!

 

[isa_nqra1]

Hello nice to meet you all :D

if you're reading this I hope you have a great day <3

things are probably rough and life can and will suck but but take a deep breath and take a few moments enjoy yourself and do something you enjoy okay?

you probably won't see me around here for much longer but let's make our last few moments worth while. We've been through a lot, it's the last thing I'd want to ruin it.

I'm sure sometime we will both find peace and tranquility sometime even if it means reaching the other side.

well I have go soon, gotta catch the bus someday yknow

Stay safe okay?

 

[littlebunny]

Hi everyone. I've been a long time
lurker is sanctioned suicide when it was on reddit, struggling with those thoughts myself since I was 16. Finally decided to be apart of the party. I'm a 29 F from the US and just have a desire to interact with people with a shared struggle. Especially since it's so taboo and disturbing to others in my real life. I also have autism which has made my life quite the challenge sometimes and spend most of my time working. I enjoy art and I love animals which is a big part of my job.
Looking forward to interacting with people here thanks for reading.

 

[northmigration]

hi guys ^__^

my name is Foster and all i know about myself is i like beetles and sharks. i attempted to overdose on nye and woke up and was in the hospital for a few days. i really liked it in there but i don't want to be here much longer now that i'm out. i've lost a lot of important things in my life recently, including my best friend and my cat. i have a couple weeks before i go so i'm turning to this forum for help on how to make it work. pls message me if you need anything i'm here to make people feel better as much as i can <3

 

[Haematemesis]

Hello, I am Haematemesis. I am 18. I live in Turkey. I tried to end it twice. Once by jumping off of my house which didn't go as I thought and second time with medicine and alcohol overdose. Nothing happened again.

I have severe social anxiety and depression.

I love metal music, languages, philosophy and theology.

 

[Alitaaqua6781]

Hi I'm alitaaqua6781

Mid 40s had de habilitating illness for a very long time. Due to that my health is poor and I don't have a job or partner. Still I've enjoyed things in life and I'm not a very unhappy person. I am just Ready to finish up my time on earth as things have only got worse and I'm noticing more issues with my health as I age that further reduce my quality of life.

 

[Volser]

I'm Volser. I'm 21. Been letting myself sink for years on the assumption that my CTB was always within reach, now I have to live a lot longer all of a sudden. I know I still have time and resources to turn my life around but at this point it's far easier said than done, I've shed basically all social skills I might have once had and I avoided developing key skills for hireability. Working on getting diagnosed with anything I might have, hoping meds will make some stuff better idk.

I like computers, programming, 3d animation, and video games, among other things. I like making stuff, feels really good when I actually finish a project and I'm proud of the result. I want to make some kind of art that gets me some kind of recognition before I die.

 

[spero_meliora]

hi all, sorry you're all here too.

I'm on the "wrong" side of 30, Irish, and continue to struggle with bipolar disorder and ADHD. I'm here hoping for recovery, but I'm also a little on the fence of what I want to do.

I love music, gaming, classic/older movies, and reading - and am always happy to talk about any of those. One of my goals of trying to reach out to others in the new year (and further recovery) is to join a tabletop group or two, and to write more music.

I've attempted numerous times - obviously I'm still here, so I can't help but wonder if there's a reason for it.