Help Instead of killing ms with SN and meds I've developed a benzo addiction

[MyPropellerWontSpin]

well, developed is probably an overstatement, but its definitely developing. ive taken 7 pills (0.5mg) within the last week or two(?) not sure i have a really bad perception of time, issue is I'll end up building a tolerance and when its time god knows how many I'll have to take for them to knock me out
I read that the withdrawal symptoms can be rlly bad, but that mainly applies to long term use i think(?)

how do I just fucking stop everything and just kill myself already, im sick of clinging onto all these stupid addictions and obsessions taht dont really matter
wish i had fent or something and i could just od on that, seems so much simpler than this bullshit SN regime, well its not bullshit im just a coward who cannt kill himself even when i have everything required to kill myself

the main goal was to try one and see how it effects me and how long it takes for it to kick in, but when i took one it just felt so good, i felt extremely euphoric and i was genuinely happy, so i just kept taking them
i need this to stop i need it all to just stop

tired, will sleep, replies are appreciated, will reply later, thank u SS, I dont think me rambling about all this would be taken well on any other parts of the internet, so thank u, thank you so mucj

EDIT; one last time i forgot to mention, ive only got 3 pills left, if i end up tkaing them without having more are the withdrawal symptoms gonna be really bad? cus atm i cant rlly sleep too well without them, but to be fair ive never slept well so, but anyone who is knowledgeable on this, how bad could the withdrawal be, wont be too bad in early stages right?

 

[LostHighway]

well, developed is probably an overstatement, but its definitely developing. ive taken 7 pills (0.5mg) within the last week or two(?) not sure i have a really bad perception of time, issue is I'll end up building a tolerance and when its time god knows how many I'll have to take for them to knock me out
I read that the withdrawal symptoms can be rlly bad, but that mainly applies to long term use i think(?)

how do I just fucking stop everything and just kill myself already, im sick of clinging onto all these stupid addictions and obsessions taht dont really matter
wish i had fent or something and i could just od on that, seems so much simpler than this bullshit SN regime, well its not bullshit im just a coward who cannt kill himself even when i have everything required to kill myself

the main goal was to try one and see how it effects me and how long it takes for it to kick in, but when i took one it just felt so good, i felt extremely euphoric and i was genuinely happy, so i just kept taking them
i need this to stop i need it all to just stop

tired, will sleep, replies are appreciated, will reply later, thank u SS, I dont think me rambling about all this would be taken well on any other parts of the internet, so thank u, thank you so mucj

Well, shit. You're going to become dependent at the rate you're going. Please be very careful. I've been there and it is no fun. This is serious business. Listen to me. Stabilize where you are. I don't know how long you've been on benzos. If it's been a long time, look at the Ashton Manual. It's free online. it will give you step- by-step instructions for tapering s l o w l y and safely. It literally saved my life. And/or go to benzobuddies.org and tell them your situation. They can help you figure out your next steps. If you taper, you'll have to switch, with the help of your doctor, to Diazepam because it has a longer half life. If you've been on the pills a short time YAY!!!! the folks at Benzo buddies will help you get off of the stuff. You do NOT want a benzo addiction. You could develop unbearable anxiety - the likes of which you've never experienced before. You could lose your ability to sleep. You could go on to develop post acute withdrawal syndrome. And those symptoms can be permanent. Sure benzos feel euphoric at first but you'll need more and more, and one day your doctor will cut you off. You. Do. Not. Want. That.

EDIT: Try Kava. the medium grind kind. It's super relaxing. You can take it safely a couple times a week. And there are safe things like the nootropic Selank that is also relaxing. Sorry for my harsh message. I just want you to take the benzo thing seriously. It's just not worth it.

 

[ZeroRedz02]

well, developed is probably an overstatement, but its definitely developing. ive taken 7 pills (0.5mg) within the last week or two(?) not sure i have a really bad perception of time, issue is I'll end up building a tolerance and when its time god knows how many I'll have to take for them to knock me out
I read that the withdrawal symptoms can be rlly bad, but that mainly applies to long term use i think(?)

how do I just fucking stop everything and just kill myself already, im sick of clinging onto all these stupid addictions and obsessions taht dont really matter
wish i had fent or something and i could just od on that, seems so much simpler than this bullshit SN regime, well its not bullshit im just a coward who cannt kill himself even when i have everything required to kill myself

the main goal was to try one and see how it effects me and how long it takes for it to kick in, but when i took one it just felt so good, i felt extremely euphoric and i was genuinely happy, so i just kept taking them
i need this to stop i need it all to just stop

tired, will sleep, replies are appreciated, will reply later, thank u SS, I dont think me rambling about all this would be taken well on any other parts of the internet, so thank u, thank you so mucj

EDIT; one last time i forgot to mention, ive only got 3 pills left, if i end up tkaing them without having more are the withdrawal symptoms gonna be really bad? cus atm i cant rlly sleep too well without them, but to be fair ive never slept well so, but anyone who is knowledgeable on this, how bad could the withdrawal be, wont be too bad in early stages right?

Your situation is really similar to the one where if you let yourself getting repetitive bitten by a snake you will develope tollerance to poison and so you can get high amounts of poison after that and not die by it, similar thing of your sensations to the drug can be get by a mosquito stung because itching could develope dependence to it.

It's like brain likes to do bad jokes to us.. lmao. (It seems a cartoon where death is an opinion)

 

[MyPropellerWontSpin]

Well, shit. You're going to become dependent at the rate you're going. Please be very careful. I've been there and it is no fun. This is serious business. Listen to me. Stabilize where you are. I don't know how long you've been on benzos. If it's been a long time, look at the Ashton Manual. It's free online. it will give you step- by-step instructions for tapering s l o w l y and safely. It literally saved my life. And/or go to benzobuddies.org and tell them your situation. They can help you figure out your next steps. If you taper, you'll have to switch, with the help of your doctor, to Diazepam because it has a longer half life. If you've been on the pills a short time YAY!!!! the folks at Benzo buddies will help you get off of the stuff. You do NOT want a benzo addiction. You could develop unbearable anxiety - the likes of which you've never experienced before. You could lose your ability to sleep. You could go on to develop post acute withdrawal syndrome. And those symptoms can be permanent. Sure benzos feel euphoric at first but you'll need more and more, and one day your doctor will cut you off. You. Do. Not. Want. That.

dont have any doctors, got the meds online, no prescription, shit regulations where i live no one gives a fuck about what u buy unless its hard drugs, but ur right im worried about the withdrawal stuff too i'll check out that site, thanks man

I don't know how long you've been on benzos.

not more than a week an a half i think, like i said in the post ive taken only 7 (0.5mg) of them as of now

 

[LostHighway]

dont have any doctors, got the meds online, no prescription, shit regulations where i live no one gives a fuck about what u buy unless its hard drugs, but ur right im worried about the withdrawal stuff too i'll check out that site, thanks man

not more than a week an a half i think, like i said in the post ive taken only 7 (0.5mg) of them as of now

I'm so happy to hear that!! Okay, please please go to benzo buddies and ask how you should taper if you've been. on them for such a short period. it should be really easy. I only know about tapering after being on them for a long time. Do that ASAP okay? That way you'll know what to do with those extra three pills. And you know what else is good news? It's when you said that you felt happy on them. That means you have the potential to feel happy without them. You just need to rewire your brain to make that happen. The Kava will help you sleep a couple times a week anyway. You don't want to drink that too often because you could build a tolerance and it's not good for your liver. How can you get a doctor? S/he could prescribe a safer sleep aid like mirtazepine. There's also over the counter stuff like Doxylamine Succinate, but that's not good for yoru brain to take often. ANYWAY, I'll stop for now.

 

[MyPropellerWontSpin]

EDIT: Try Kava. the medium grind kind. It's super relaxing. You can take it safely a couple times a week. And there are safe things like the nootropic Selank that is also relaxing. Sorry for my harsh message. I just want you to take the benzo thing seriously. It's just not worth it.

dont worry didnt think it was harsh at all <33

It's when you said that you felt happy on them. That means you have the potential to feel happy without them

dont think thats every happening but thank u

How can you get a doctor?

cant, ever. no matter what, unless im actively dying its not happening, its out of my control, abt to pass out will reply in detail later, butseriously thanks fpr all this, thank u

if you've been. on them for such a short period. it should be really easy. I only know about tapering after being on them for a long time. Do that ASAP okay? That way you'll know what to do with those extra three pills.

will do, thank u friend <333

 

[fadedghost]

www.na.org

 

[MyPropellerWontSpin]

www.na.org

thank u so much, ill check this out

i like ur signature btw

 

[fadedghost]

thank u so much, ill check this out

i like ur signature btw

there is also smartrecovery.org, you could check out both and see which one works for you. there are more www.na.org meetings than smartrecovery.org meetings.

 

[pax420]

If all you've taken is 7 and you have three left I don't think you have to worry about withdrawals or tapering down. I would recommend leaving them alone in the future. Addiction really sucks. I got strung out on fent and am now in methadone treatment. I plan on ctb with fent but because of my addiction and the methadone it will take a much higher amount of fent. But that's the most peaceful way to go. Anyway I wish you find what you are needing to be happy. Oh yeah btw is your name part of an artic monkeys song?

 

[MyPropellerWontSpin]

If all you've taken is 7 and you have three left I don't think you have to worry about withdrawals or tapering down

yeah I might have overreacted a bit, read horrible things abt benzo withdrawal and got scared, but im fine, just felt rlly anxious for a bit and couldn't sleep but I usually feel like that anyways so that might not even have been withdrawal

I plan on ctb with fent but because of my addiction and the methadone it will take a much higher amount of fent. But that's the most peaceful way to go.

I hope u find peace, wish i could get my hands on some fent, would be my preferred method too if i had access to it

btw is your name part of an artic monkeys song?

yeah! :D
I think u dropped a reply on my music thread abt them aswell :]

 

[gardenhouse]

well, developed is probably an overstatement, but its definitely developing. ive taken 7 pills (0.5mg) within the last week or two(?) not sure i have a really bad perception of time, issue is I'll end up building a tolerance and when its time god knows how many I'll have to take for them to knock me out
I read that the withdrawal symptoms can be rlly bad, but that mainly applies to long term use i think(?)

how do I just fucking stop everything and just kill myself already, im sick of clinging onto all these stupid addictions and obsessions taht dont really matter
wish i had fent or something and i could just od on that, seems so much simpler than this bullshit SN regime, well its not bullshit im just a coward who cannt kill himself even when i have everything required to kill myself

the main goal was to try one and see how it effects me and how long it takes for it to kick in, but when i took one it just felt so good, i felt extremely euphoric and i was genuinely happy, so i just kept taking them
i need this to stop i need it all to just stop

tired, will sleep, replies are appreciated, will reply later, thank u SS, I dont think me rambling about all this would be taken well on any other parts of the internet, so thank u, thank you so mucj

EDIT; one last time i forgot to mention, ive only got 3 pills left, if i end up tkaing them without having more are the withdrawal symptoms gonna be really bad? cus atm i cant rlly sleep too well without them, but to be fair ive never slept well so, but anyone who is knowledgeable on this, how bad could the withdrawal be, wont be too bad in early stages right?

May i know what kind of benzo you take, do you have insomnia? Yeah i've been there, withdrawal symptoms are not fun, you need to taper down slowly and not suddenly.