Venting Insignificant everything is

[hellispink]

ashamed am I, of the life I have lived
no moments was i able to enjoy, nothing
to take with me. My last moments here are
to be spent, loneliness stopped being my friend. I wonder if i am my friend or just another enemy, I want to give peace to myself… why does that feels wrong? my existence was short, I couldn't find any joy. The more i think, the more unclear everything becomes. Sometimes, more than what I would want, a bunch of thoughts start to fill my mind, my anxiety comes to the door to remind me everything i have done wrong, or every wrong that has been done to me. In an instant I could feel poisonous, then I feel like I am not. Sometimes I am clear into why, other times I just lose the way. I know, everything is insignificant… we are meant to be forgotten after we leave, what's the purpose of all of this? None. Argh, i want to be gone. I can't be a coward all my life like i have been all this time. I must gather my thoughts, but i dont even know where i am standing. This will be the end of me. I wonder when will be my end, hopefully is near .

 

[Huntfish34]

My thoughts and prayers are with you to basically Everything you stated.... Pretty much how I feel... Idk if I'm coming or going,. Like I have Absolutely lost myself. I just don't really care anymore, as I once used to.. Fck,. Fck this life.. I wish you the best in whatever may happen.

 

[Someone123]

ashamed am I, of the life I have lived
no moments was i able to enjoy, nothing
to take with me. My last moments here are
to be spent, loneliness stopped being my friend. I wonder if i am my friend or just another enemy, I want to give peace to myself… why does that feels wrong? my existence was short, I couldn't find any joy. The more i think, the more unclear everything becomes. Sometimes, more than what I would want, a bunch of thoughts start to fill my mind, my anxiety comes to the door to remind me everything i have done wrong, or every wrong that has been done to me. In an instant I could feel poisonous, then I feel like I am not. Sometimes I am clear into why, other times I just lose the way. I know, everything is insignificant… we are meant to be forgotten after we leave, what's the purpose of all of this? None. Argh, i want to be gone. I can't be a coward all my life like i have been all this time. I must gather my thoughts, but i dont even know where i am standing. This will be the end of me. I wonder when will be my end, hopefully is near .

I relate to most of this, though I had a few moments that were ok, but I missed most of the joy of life due to cruelty of others. I was born into the worst situation, with the worst parents- I'm actually jealous of kids who are killed by their parents when they are two or three, they had as lot less pain than I did, but I do feel very sorry for them for not having a fair chance at life.

 

[FuneralCry]

I have never been able to enjoy life at all either. To me existence is just endless problems and pain all for the sake of it. We struggle and suffer all for no purpose. It feels as though in a life like this there is no escape from misery. It's sad how so many of us have to endure so much suffering. Life really is so cruel and all that I want is to be free from it all.