In about a week

[gr1lledcheese]

A week from tomorrow is when I plan on going to a hotel to ctb. As the time draws near I find I'm becoming nervous. I suppose that's only normal, but it's not much fun. I have the Meclizine and the Dramamine (I hope they're good enough) I already have antacid. I have the SN, as well as a notebook I plan to write notes to my friends and family in.

It's funny, in the past when I've been suicidal I've always thought silly little things like, "I'll do it after *insert trivial event here*". Some of the events were simple things like seeing a new movie, or TV show. I guess that shows just how little I have in my life. Of course now I can't think of any event worth waiting for. I consider them, but ultimately decide they're not worth it.
I also get the feeling it's going to be hard to hide the darkness inside me. I think it slipped a little today. Gotta work on that.

 

[VoidDesirer22]

A week from tomorrow is when I plan on going to a hotel to ctb. As the time draws near I find I'm becoming nervous. I suppose that's only normal, but it's not much fun. I have the Meclizine and the Dramamine (I hope they're good enough) I already have antacid. I have the SN, as well as a notebook I plan to write notes to my friends and family in.

It's funny, in the past when I've been suicidal I've always thought silly little things like, "I'll do it after *insert trivial event here*". Some of the events were simple things like seeing a new movie, or TV show. I guess that shows just how little I have in my life. Of course now I can't think of any event worth waiting for. I consider them, but ultimately decide they're not worth it.
I also get the feeling it's going to be hard to hide the darkness inside me. I think it slipped a little today. Gotta work on that.

Totally relate to the darkness finding its way out. Whether that be a smile that falls too quickly, or an off-hand comment that is a bit too suspicious. I will also be in your position in a few months to a year. I have a heavy heart for you and I hope you make the decision you feel is right.

 

[PreussenBlueJay]

I understand the feelings of pushing the date back. I've been doing that a lot lately with video games and it's working. I think it's good that you're giving yourself a week. It's certainly a decision worth giving careful consideration.

 

[gr1lledcheese]

Totally relate to the darkness finding its way out. Whether that be a smile that falls too quickly, or an off-hand comment that is a bit too suspicious. I will also be in your position in a few months to a year. I have a heavy heart for you and I hope you make the decision you feel is right.

I wish mine was a few months away, but some things have come up that have have hastened it. My darkness came out today in an off-hand comment I made. Pretty sure it was picked up on.
It's the right decision. I can't see any other.

 

[VoidDesirer22]

I wish mine was a few months away, but some things have come up that have have hastened it. My darkness came out today in an off-hand comment I made. Pretty sure it was picked up on.
It's the right decision. I can't see any other.

As long as they do not pick up on it regularly you should be fine. People love to assume everyone can cope with reality lol.

 

[FuneralCry]

I see death as being the right thing for me, there is nothing here for me in this life. I have nothing to look forward to, nothing would ever make me want to stay here. It can be hard to carry on when you cannot take anymore of this life, but I wish you the best whatever happens.

 

[gr1lledcheese]

I see death as being the right thing for me, there is nothing here for me in this life. I have nothing to look forward to, nothing would ever make me want to stay here. It can be hard to carry on when you cannot take anymore of this life, but I wish you the best whatever happens.

Thank you. I have things to live for, but I am unable to support myself, and don't want to be a burden to my friends anymore.