Impulsive desire to drink N

[Funeralprincess]

I have the strongest desire to just take my N right now but I'm trying to fight it… it's so hard because I know I need to properly plan to do it but it's just becoming so challenging to wait, despite the fact I know I'm supposed to try to help my brother get away from the abuse at home. That process is moving along, but slowly because of how my family is. I just am ready to die, but I keep telling myself impulsively doing it could lead to failure and I also don't want to die alone which has been something else I've struggled with. I don't know what to fucking do right now

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I'm really sorry for everything you're going through right now.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I can imagine that is tempting

 

[Darkover]

your lucky to have N i know if had it i wouldent be here anymore

 

[Smart No More]

Well what you definitely shouldn't do right now (as you know) is drink N. Without a fast at the very least it's a bad idea. Unfortunately ctb is one thing we all have to do alone though. Sucks but that's the nature of things. I think many of us are tethered to life due to commitments. We have to bare our crosses until the time is right. Hopefully some closure and sense of achievement will allow us a sigh of relief when the day finally comes and we can go out safe in the knowledge we did right.

 

[Funeralprincess]

Well what you definitely shouldn't do right now (as you know) is drink N. Without a fast at the very least it's a bad idea. Unfortunately ctb is one thing we all have to do alone though. Sucks but that's the nature of things. I think many of us are tethered to life due to commitments. We have to bare our crosses until the time is right. Hopefully some closure and sense of achievement will allow us a sigh of relief when the day finally comes and we can go out safe in the knowledge we did right.

I hope I do find relief when I go

 

[D2021]

I have the strongest desire to just take my N right now but I'm trying to fight it… it's so hard because I know I need to properly plan to do it but it's just becoming so challenging to wait, despite the fact I know I'm supposed to try to help my brother get away from the abuse at home. That process is moving along, but slowly because of how my family is. I just am ready to die, but I keep telling myself impulsively doing it could lead to failure and I also don't want to die alone which has been something else I've struggled with. I don't know what to fucking do right now

Dont do it if you are not ready.

 

[Funeralprincess]

your lucky to have N i know if had it i wouldent be here anymore

Yes I had to work very hard to be able to afford it as in, I skimped on my rent and went without food. Had I not done all of that I wouldn't have been able to afford it. I planned to go sooner, but my little brother is being abused :/

I'm really sorry for everything you're going through right now.

Thank you

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be a relief having the option of N and your feelings about just wanting to be gone are understandable. I can imagine that it must be hard having a peaceful method right there and knowing that you have to wait. I wish you the best.