Impacted by a strangers suicide?

[CowsAreCool]

In high school I very loosely knew a girl through a club I was in. She went to another school but I met her once or twice through this club. She committed suicide her junior year of high school by jumping off a highway overpass.

I hardly knew her, but I think about her all the time. I occasionally look up her family to see how they're getting by. I often find myself driving by the bridge where she jumped.

For one, We had similar interests and similar friend groups. We were both successful, driven students who fell from grace. I see a lot of me in her.

But I'm not sure why I think about her so much. I think I might be jealous. She's gone and I'm still here. But I've seen what she's left for her family to clean up, and it's terrible.

I often dream about being with her on that bridge, and talking to her. Asking her why. Telling her how it turns out for her family, and if she regrets it.

I'm not sure why I think about her so much. It might just be ideation of what she did. Or maybe I'm attracted to tragedy. Either way it makes me profoundly sad

 

[jodes2]

It's hard, the two sides as you say, being jealous but also being sad about what they left behind. On the plus side, she's in a better place. I'm sorry for her family

 

[FuneralCry]

I always envy those who have left this world, but I get that it can be hard to deal with for those left behind. After all in a life like this grief and loss are inevitable and there is no escape from it as long as we live. Rest in peace.

 

[Fktw0rld]

Totally understandable. That scenerio replays in my head constantly. I don't want to leave a mess and I don't want to affect the future use of anything, like my family's home or car. Obviously the most comfortable places are where we'd like to be when we experience this but I feel like it will leave a lasting impact on everyone like, "I don't feel comfortable in that bedroom, that's where he died" or "I don't like driving that car, he died in there" so on and so forth. I guess that's why alot of people go to hotels or the woods and put themselves in uncomfortable scenerios just to make their exit. People who struggle with suicidal depression are treated the harshest but yet we're the most loving, understanding and considerate.

 

[Littlewittlelight]

In high school I very loosely knew a girl through a club I was in. She went to another school but I met her once or twice through this club. She committed suicide her junior year of high school by jumping off a highway overpass.

I hardly knew her, but I think about her all the time. I occasionally look up her family to see how they're getting by. I often find myself driving by the bridge where she jumped.

For one, We had similar interests and similar friend groups. We were both successful, driven students who fell from grace. I see a lot of me in her.

But I'm not sure why I think about her so much. I think I might be jealous. She's gone and I'm still here. But I've seen what she's left for her family to clean up, and it's terrible.

I often dream about being with her on that bridge, and talking to her. Asking her why. Telling her how it turns out for her family, and if she regrets it.

I'm not sure why I think about her so much. It might just be ideation of what she did. Or maybe I'm attracted to tragedy. Either way it makes me profoundly sad

I am sorry It feels you are grieving because you found her similar to yourself and you sympathize with for the same reason. I see she wasn't related to you but you really can feel that way for anyone if you knew them. That's why some friends when their friends leave never recover. I don't have all the answers to your questions but you find yourself talking to her maybe because you saw how her family suffered or fantasize you could be there for her why what happened you are curious or just have her as a partner in all this? She is gone and you are here thinking it must be hard for you. I would not advice but ask if you can avoid going to that bridge or decrease looking at anything that reminds you of her as it's hurting you. I hope it gets better. I hope you find peace in something in future whatever it is.