Venting I’m trying my absolutely best to live

[EmoIsNotAPhase]

In trying so hard to get better. Taking 5 different medications. Stopped drinking. Going to therapy. Trying to spend time with friends even when I don't want to. So why do I keep coming back to this place? Why can't I just get better. I'm tired of throwing on this mask. Yes my friends know I struggle. One (also has similar struggles) calls Bull shit on me when I'm trying to lie and say I'm ok. Right now the only thing that is helping is getting high. I want to open up my thigh. I'd feel better if I did but I'm trying not to cut. Trying to do this healthily. Gave up drinking gave up cutting now I just smoke Weed and drink caffeine (yes it's a concerning amount sometimes as much as 1500mg a day but it could be worse). I'm even back in college and getting physical exercise and everything was going great for a while and then boom back to depression back to mania it's such a viscous cycle and I just want it to end.

 

[vanillamilkshakes]

It takes a while to get better. Honestly it mostly just comes out of nowhere/when you least expect it.
I wish you luck for your recovery, I am proud of you

 

[Mirrory Me]

I am not mental health professional, but those things sound like they don't lead you anywhere- taking different medications will fuck up your health, and spending time with friends won't do anything good if you don't have enough common or the same goals in life. Therapy is ok, but the other person isn't the best doctor for your own mental health. Stopping drinking is good- I decided to do that also but I still use other things that are healthier for me. There is also lots of more you can invest in life.

 

[Hollowman]

Five psych drugs? That very well could be a big part of the problem.

 

[EmoIsNotAPhase]

Five psych drugs? That very well could be a big part of the problem.

I was way worse off of them. I had severe mania and was having multiple suicide attempts. Now I am more stable but I still get like this it's just not every day now c

 

[Kay.Lana]

Since when do you take medication? Was alcohol more of a problem or depression? What was first? Are you depressed or bipolar? I'm sorry for so many questions, but it's all valid. I mean you need to know what are your problems and which one was first and which one is the biggest. Also - is this meds mix first you've try? Some psychiatrists can prescribe few different medications, that work almost the same i.e both are SSRI or SNRI and it doesn't actually make sense. It's hard to find good doctor and psychologist... The best one would be someone you can be honest about weed, because it's very important for him/her to know if you take other stimulants, that can affect medications. There are also alternatives like TMS, but it's not in every country and mostly only in big cities.
I think you're really strong for being back in collage and trying to be social. I'm in the deep depression, it comes back every time, no matter what medications I take and how many therapy i do, so I was never strong enough to try "normal things" for longer time. So you would have to act now, when you're still strong enough. and figure out if current treatment can help you in the future or not.
I hope you get better somehow

 

[hoppybunny]

I'm rooting for you. Please remember to let yourself rest too. Its tempting to try and fix yourself overnight but its not possible unfortunately.

I tried the same thing and now I'm having multiple crying fits because im overwhelmed.