I'm torn about taking SN and killing myself. My real family- especially Mum- will be devastated. Is it worth it?

[heretogethelp]

I REALLY DON'T WANT TO CAUSE MY MUM ANY PAIN & I KNOW SHE WILL LIKELY NEVER RECOVER. SHE TOOK HER FATHER'S PASSING PRETTY HARD. I KNOW YOU GUYS ON SS ARE PART OF A COMMUNITY. BUT, IS THE GOODWILL OF A FEW PEOPLE ONLINE WORTH HURTING MY PARENTS FOREVER? ALSO, I'M BUSY APPLYING FOR JOBS AND I THINK IF I APPLY TO ENOUGH PLACES, I WILL EVENTUALLY BE ACCEPTED SOMEWHERE.

BTW: I HAVE ANXIETY, CLINICAL DEPRESSION AND POSSIBLE BPD!

 

[Makko]

If it's worth "it" depends on how bad you have "it" and how badly you want your life to stop. That's a purely subjective experience and not something others can help you with.

 

[FuneralCry]

It is your decision, only you know if it is the right thing. I understand that others would be upset, but the way I see it we have no obligations to stay alive and we have the right to take our lives at any time of our choosing. But if you have doubts, then maybe you should wait and see what happens. I would only ever ctb if I was absolutely certain, but as I said, only you know. I'm sorry you are suffering.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

I don't think you're asking a correct question. And also. Ending your life is a huge step and possibly the most important decision to make. And it's all up to you. No one can decide it for you. You really need to try to weigh up pros and cons of your life. But try to do it rationally. You shouldn't rush it.

 

[toforigivelife]

I REALLY DON'T WANT TO CAUSE MY MUM ANY PAIN & I KNOW SHE WILL LIKELY NEVER RECOVER. SHE TOOK HER FATHER'S PASSING PRETTY HARD. I KNOW YOU GUYS ON SS ARE PART OF A COMMUNITY. BUT, IS THE GOODWILL OF A FEW PEOPLE ONLINE WORTH HURTING MY PARENTS FOREVER? ALSO, I'M BUSY APPLYING FOR JOBS AND I THINK IF I APPLY TO ENOUGH PLACES, I WILL EVENTUALLY BE ACCEPTED SOMEWHERE.

BTW: I HAVE ANXIETY, CLINICAL DEPRESSION AND POSSIBLE BPD!

I understand your feelings completely. None of us want to hurt others with our decision.

That's the hardest part of suicide.

We understand our quality of life, we just want to be at peace and from the bottom of our hearts and with every fiber of our being we want those we love to understand that this was our choice, for them to find peace in that, to heal, to not hurt over our decision, to accept our decision and to live full lives.

It's hard and it hurts so much.

I don't know how dire your situation is. I don't know the depth of your pain or how long that you've been struggling with this or how many times you've tried to regain your health.

Simply telling you to wait because you're having doubts is hard because it's not as if you can simply put your anguish and desire to leave this existence on hold. That's with you every day.

If you think you can make a commitment to recovery and a commitment to your psychological health then try.

I don't how hard that would be for you but if you think you can try to get out of this darkness then please make time for yourself and your mental health.

I don't know if you and your mother are close or what the dynamics of your relationship are. It would be nice if you could receive comfort from her and confide in her, without telling her you want to die, that you're not well and in a lot of pain and that you don't expect her to solve your problems because you're working on your problems and that her support and understanding would mean a lot right now.

I'm so sorry that you're caught between one terrible rock and one terrible hard place.

 

[Snake of Eden]

I am exactly in the same boat. For now staying alive mainly to not upset my mom.

 

[heretogethelp]

I am exactly in the same boat. For now staying alive mainly to not upset my mom.

Can i follow u on here. Follow for follow?

 

[Snake of Eden]

Can i follow u on here. Follow for follow?

Sure

 

[StevieNixs]

I REALLY DON'T WANT TO CAUSE MY MUM ANY PAIN & I KNOW SHE WILL LIKELY NEVER RECOVER. SHE TOOK HER FATHER'S PASSING PRETTY HARD. I KNOW YOU GUYS ON SS ARE PART OF A COMMUNITY. BUT, IS THE GOODWILL OF A FEW PEOPLE ONLINE WORTH HURTING MY PARENTS FOREVER? ALSO, I'M BUSY APPLYING FOR JOBS AND I THINK IF I APPLY TO ENOUGH PLACES, I WILL EVENTUALLY BE ACCEPTED SOMEWHERE.

BTW: I HAVE ANXIETY, CLINICAL DEPRESSION AND POSSIBLE BPD!

Follow your own heart - really. If you want to give life a chance - GIVE IT A CHANCE AND GOOD LUCK TO YOU!! XX
I know how you feel. I do. My mother has just lost her other daughter and before that her son. I will be her third child. You look like you have things going for you - job applications. Never make a decision to CTB based on the expectations of strangers. You need to do what is best FOR YOU and no one else. I wish you luck whichever direction your life takesxx

 

[juraviel]

it's my belief that we have a duty to our loved ones to hold onto life for as long as we possibly can. so. either commit to getting better or to ctb'ing. strangers on the internet cannot tell you if it's your time yet, they just can't.

 

[-FrozenRobot-]

It's always said on SS....consider all your options before planning to CTB. No one is going to talk about you if you plan to not do it. I repeat again consider all your options before planning it.

 

[RazzleDazzle]

I REALLY DON'T WANT TO CAUSE MY MUM ANY PAIN & I KNOW SHE WILL LIKELY NEVER RECOVER. SHE TOOK HER FATHER'S PASSING PRETTY HARD. I KNOW YOU GUYS ON SS ARE PART OF A COMMUNITY. BUT, IS THE GOODWILL OF A FEW PEOPLE ONLINE WORTH HURTING MY PARENTS FOREVER?

Didn't you just post something the other day about not wanting to "lie to your parents"? Whoever you are, it's probably worth talking to a therapist about what you're actually trying to deal with. I don't think that you're going to find the relief that you're looking for here. I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[motel rooms]

I KNOW YOU GUYS ON SS ARE PART OF A COMMUNITY. BUT, IS THE GOODWILL OF A FEW PEOPLE ONLINE WORTH HURTING MY PARENTS FOREVER?

What does the goodwill of SS members have to do with your decision to ctb? I hope you don't think you have to kill yourself to win our approval

 

[lv-gras]

What does the goodwill of SS members have to do with your decision to ctb? I hope you don't think you have to kill yourself to win our approval

yea j esus that would be harsh

imagines some gladiator type thing ....

 

[hʚll]

as others have said you only can know if it's worth it. the way i see it is that staying alive solely for others to not feel sad will make you regret the time you had the possibility to exit. it's up to you to see how much suffering you can endure for the sake of others.

 

[sully]

I am in a different situation but I can relate about the relatives. I don't know how my sister will live without me.