I’m selfish

[deathgripsme]

I'm selfish and going to hurt the ones I love by CTB in my bedroom.
I know this will cause trauma and pain and destroy the home they have made but I am in deep deep pain.

 

[Shadowplay]

Can't afford a hotel?

 

[deathgripsme]

Can't afford a hotel?

I can afford one but I have anxiety and im scared I would not go through with it if I did it in a hotel room

 

[endme]

i totally can relate

 

[Shadowplay]

I can afford one but I have anxiety and im scared I would not go through with it if I did it in a hotel room

Why is that?

 

[deathgripsme]

Why is that?

I just feel like in some random hotel room id not feel comfortable idk why but I just wouldn't I spend all day in my room thats where i'll die. Quite fitting

 

[cambrai33]

I'm selfish and going to hurt the ones I love by CTB in my bedroom.
I know this will cause trauma and pain and destroy the home they have made but I am in deep deep pain.

I'm not going to be very kind here…….

Do not do it at home if you don't want to hurt the ones you love! They are going to be in so much pain anyway but if like you said it will ruin there home then try and find another way. I think I saw you on the partners thread, maybe that's an option to dull a little of the anxiety of being elsewhere.

If and when I leave I want to cause the least pain to those I leave behind so I will do anything to achieve that no matter what the cost to me is, others may want to inflict pain on others but that's not for me and clearly not for you. So please find the strength to do what gives you the most peace.

And finally, though I don't need to say this, please exhaust any other options of help before you ctb, I'm sure you have but give it a last go if that works for you.

Be kind to yourself if you can

 

[$nowLeopard]

What is your method?
I'd suggest leaving a note or something saying you are moving to a different country or something, then doing CTB in a place far away and hidden so you aren't found.

 

[deathgripsme]

What is your method?
I'd suggest leaving a note or something saying you are moving to a different country or something, then doing CTB in a place far away and hidden so you aren't found.

Thats easier said that done pal

 

[$nowLeopard]

Thats easier said that done pal

Give some effort before you're dead. Why not?

 

[deathgripsme]

Give some effort before you're dead. Why not?

Nah you can if you want though :)

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

I understand the predicament you're in. Because of all my illnesses it is hard for me to go travelling long distances on a whim, and my disappearence would be incredibly sus to my housemates for this reason.

I want to be in an environment where I am comfortable and not bothered, drifting off in my bed in the middle of the night rather than being in an unfamiliar place with so many variables to account for. Especially the financial losses and potential consequences if I were to fail and be placed in some institution far from my university.

The ideal is never close to reality, is it... If only this world acknowledged the right to die and consciously attempted to minimise the harm dealt to others by allowing a dignified, peaceful exit at home for those who truly want it.

 

[deathgripsme]

I understand the predicament you're in. Because of all my illnesses it is hard for me to go travelling long distances on a whim, and my disappearence would be incredibly sus to my housemates for this reason.

I want to be in an environment where I am comfortable and not bothered, drifting off in my bed in the middle of the night rather than being in an unfamiliar place with so many variables to account for. Especially the financial losses and potential consequences if I were to fail and be placed in some institution far from my university.

The ideal is never close to reality, is it... If only this world acknowledged the right to die and consciously attempted to minimise the harm dealt to others by allowing a dignified, peaceful exit at home for those who truly want it.

Exactly this! Im sorry you have the same problem as I :( available to chat if you ever need to also

 

[FuneralCry]

I do not see it as selfish, as after all we never asked to exist in the first place. We have the right to exit this world at a time of our own choosing. I wish you the best with your plans, I hope you find peace.

 

[deathgripsme]

I do not see it as selfish, as after all we never asked to exist in the first place. We have the right to exit this world at a time of our own choosing. I wish you the best with your plans, I hope you find peace.

Thank you for not judging