Venting I'm recovering? i think?

[SweetChariot]

After 2 weeks of sudden bout of deep depression, literal mental anguish at every moment rushing through my head, can't think of nothing but CTBing suddenly i'm just kinda okay?
Fucking insane how the mind works, i haven't even taken any meds yet but i already set up appointment with a psychiatrist that will maybe give me some
Though a calm mind doesn't exactly fix my life so i'd probably rebound again but yeah i dunno i just feel like letting this out somewhere and feels like this is a good place to do it
I've read somewhere that keeping the mind like that takes a toll on the body too so at one point whatever the hell chemical and hormones that are running would have to peter out at some point
I'm just rambling nonsense at this point forget it i wish i wasn't mentally ill

 

[meowpuppy]

hope this lasts for you.. unfortunately, none of these little lucid bouts have ever lasted more than a day for me, and i've had, gosh, i think i've literally one had one in memory

 

[LostHighway]

After 2 weeks of sudden bout of deep depression, literal mental anguish at every moment rushing through my head, can't think of nothing but CTBing suddenly i'm just kinda okay?
Fucking insane how the mind works, i haven't even taken any meds yet but i already set up appointment with a psychiatrist that will maybe give me some
Though a calm mind doesn't exactly fix my life so i'd probably rebound again but yeah i dunno i just feel like letting this out somewhere and feels like this is a good place to do it
I've read somewhere that keeping the mind like that takes a toll on the body too so at one point whatever the hell chemical and hormones that are running would have to peter out at some point
I'm just rambling nonsense at this point forget it i wish i wasn't mentally ill

YAY!! I"m so happy for you. The sooner you step away from the label you put on yourself of being suicidal the better. See a therapist in addition to a psychiatrist. You may not need an antidepressant. (though my SSRI saved my life). Now, go fix your life.

 

[SweetChariot]

As i expected i still woke up with the *feelings* again, god it's miserable but honestly not as bad as the previous weeks
Though i appreciate all the love here

YAY!! I"m so happy for you. The sooner you step away from the label you put on yourself of being suicidal the better. See a therapist in addition to a psychiatrist. You may not need an antidepressant. (though my SSRI saved my life). Now, go fix your life.

Yeah honestly i feel like i really should, if nothing else to keep my mind straight it's been so bad
I heard about emotional blunting and how it could be another flavor of miserable but i'll try anything at this point

 

[LostHighway]

As i expected i still woke up with the *feelings* again, god it's miserable but honestly not as bad as the previous weeks
Though i appreciate all the love here

Yeah honestly i feel like i really should, if nothing else to keep my mind straight it's been so bad
I heard about emotional blunting and how it could be another flavor of miserable but i'll try anything at this point

I didn't feel emotional blunting at ALL. I was suicidally depressed for years, then within weeks I felt "normal". Just fine. I started to see things from a more realistic, healthy point of view. I was able to feel HOPE again. I wanted to do things with my friends, start projects, do better at my job, go spend time in nature, etc. My brain chemistry was normalized so I could work on the problems that got me depressed in the first place. And if the problems were unsolvable, like a toxic family, I was more level-headed to know how to compensate in other areas of my life. Truly, try an SSRI. It took me a couple tries before I found the right one. But when I did, depression was just a memory. And do get therapy!! If you qualify for Medicaid, you can get really affordable Zoom therapy on the Grow app.

I didn't feel emotional blunting at ALL. I was suicidally depressed for years, then within weeks I felt "normal". Just fine. I started to see things from a more realistic, healthy point of view. I was able to feel HOPE again. I wanted to do things with my friends, start projects, do better at my job, go spend time in nature, etc. My brain chemistry was normalized so I could work on the problems that got me depressed in the first place. And if the problems were unsolvable, like a toxic family, I was more level-headed to know how to compensate in other areas of my life. Truly, try an SSRI. It took me a couple tries before I found the right one. But when I did, depression was just a memory. And do get therapy!! If you qualify for Medicaid, you can get really affordable Zoom therapy on the Grow app.

One more thing - there's something called Chronic Suicidality. People can experience this for decades and never attempt suicide. I suspect a lot of people in this group are in that category. Some go on to CTB but most don't. If you put yourself in the Chronic category, then you'll see that catching the bus is NOT the foregone conclusion. With SSRIs, and then action steps to improve your life, you can stop feeling suicidal, and you can have a life worth living. Also, and I keep saying it in this group, remember Maya Angelou's saying: We teach people how to treat us. If we act like victims, people will treat us like victims. So, keep the negative self talk to yourself. Only open up, and only on occasion, to your deepest, most trusted friends. Watch your world expand.

 

[SweetChariot]

I didn't feel emotional blunting at ALL. I was suicidally depressed for years, then within weeks I felt "normal". Just fine. I started to see things from a more realistic, healthy point of view. I was able to feel HOPE again. I wanted to do things with my friends, start projects, do better at my job, go spend time in nature, etc. My brain chemistry was normalized so I could work on the problems that got me depressed in the first place. And if the problems were unsolvable, like a toxic family, I was more level-headed to know how to compensate in other areas of my life. Truly, try an SSRI. It took me a couple tries before I found the right one. But when I did, depression was just a memory. And do get therapy!! If you qualify for Medicaid, you can get really affordable Zoom therapy on the Grow app.

One more thing - there's something called Chronic Suicidality. People can experience this for decades and never attempt suicide. I suspect a lot of people in this group are in that category. Some go on to CTB but most don't. If you put yourself in the Chronic category, then you'll see that catching the bus is NOT the foregone conclusion. With SSRIs, and then action steps to improve your life, you can stop feeling suicidal, and you can have a life worth living. Also, and I keep saying it in this group, remember Maya Angelou's saying: We teach people how to treat us. If we act like victims, people will treat us like victims. So, keep the negative self talk to yourself. Only open up, and only on occasion, to your deepest, most trusted friends. Watch your world expand.

Thank you for all the kind words truly
Part of me is still restless about what effect it could bring but it couldn't be any worse that what i'm experiencing right now, i can only hope for the best