Venting i'm not writing a suicide note

[meowpuppy]

i'm not writing a note i feel no need to explain myself, really, and i think finding a root cause, which is what a note is about, for all of this would be really hard, because my life is a special disaster of multiple intersecting, other lives. i'd have to write a suicide note of maybe 100 pages to explain it fully, and my parents aren't even that good at speaking english! i constantly have to explain basic concepts to both of them, and so there's no way me as a monolingual person can bridge that gap

besides, i feel like they don't really deserve to know. would i tell my exes about the fact i've chosen to end it all? no, not only because they don't deserve to be burdened with that knowledge, but because they don't deserve to know it anyway. it would also be such a hassle, and i've had thoughts about what my suicide note would be since i was.. 6.. gosh, my life is crazy. anyways, i've written all kinds of notes in my head but i know that when push comes to shove my parents won't understand them, they'll misinterpret them somehow. hell, even if i explicitly told them, "hey mom and dad, your son's actually a girl and she's been hiding it from you for years", i don't know if my mom will support me. i know my dad at least knows trans people exist, so i guess that's.. something? but they've always been generally sexist towards me and they've body shamed me for being feminine before so i don't think they'll understand.

 

[woofwag]

I'm glad you're not forcing yourself to explain your actions to anyone. You don't owe them that. I only wrote my notes out of love, and I think I'm the same as you where if I tried to explain it all it'd be hundreds of pages. As someone who is also trans, if you do get the desire to tell anyone (doesn't have to be your parents) that could be a good idea even if you don't intend on living any further. I'm still suicidal but I don't and never will regret transitioning. It certainly gave me hope in moments when I would have ctb in a panicked state and likely just caused more harm to myself than die anyway.

 

[meowpuppy]

I'm glad you're not forcing yourself to explain your actions to anyone. You don't owe them that. I only wrote my notes out of love, and I think I'm the same as you where if I tried to explain it all it'd be hundreds of pages. As someone who is also trans, if you do get the desire to tell anyone (doesn't have to be your parents) that could be a good idea even if you don't intend on living any further. I'm still suicidal but I don't and never will regret transitioning. It certainly gave me hope in moments when I would have ctb in a panicked state and likely just caused more harm to myself than die anyway.

yeah that's a big thing.. i don't love anybody and nobody loves me, so leaving notes for loved ones to read is about as alien to me as leaving notes for king tut to read.

 

[ihateittoo]

i also dont think i would write a suicide note. I've written so many in my life but it gets harder each time. I have no idea what I would want to say. I sort of hope that if i ctb my friends will find my sasu account so they could at least know why I did it. I doubt they have ever heard of this website though.

 

[50/50]

i also dont think i would write a suicide note. I've written so many in my life but it gets harder each time. I have no idea what I would want to say. I sort of hope that if i ctb my friends will find my sasu account so they could at least know why I did it. I doubt they have ever heard of this website though.

You could simply write your sasu name on the note if u want that

Also why do you want to ctb

 

[ihateittoo]

You could simply write your sasu name on the note if u want that

Also why do you want to ctb

ive thought abt it, but doesnt feel worth the hassle. i always like to have plans i can back out of and if i have a note that ties me to it. im a scardey cat lol

i wanna ctb because i really hate the way i look. ive been depressed for years and am bipolar, its just been a real rough time being alive and i wanna find some peace.

 

[50/50]

because i really hate the way i look

your face? is it things u can change?

 

[ihateittoo]

your face? is it things u can change?

no its the structure of my face thats bad. stuff ill never be able to change unless I had a lot of money

 

[TAW122]

Same here, and in other threads in the past on others' threads, my position is similar to yours, albeit with the additional reason of 'extra mental burden' (does not apply to everyone of course, as each individual is different) that I have to undertake when I write a note. Additionally, once I am gone, whatever happens is irrelevant to me as I would not be present to experience the aftermath of having died or so, let alone the survivors' reactions.

Also, I agree with you 100%, that even the reader may not fully understand the reasoning and it is just extra work for such little gains. I would (personally, speaking for myself of course) still have a goodbye thread for the SaSu community when my time comes.

 

[Dolphin(Ash)]

i'm not writing a note i feel no need to explain myself, really, and i think finding a root cause, which is what a note is about, for all of this would be really hard, because my life is a special disaster of multiple intersecting, other lives. i'd have to write a suicide note of maybe 100 pages to explain it fully, and my parents aren't even that good at speaking english! i constantly have to explain basic concepts to both of them, and so there's no way me as a monolingual person can bridge that gap

besides, i feel like they don't really deserve to know. would i tell my exes about the fact i've chosen to end it all? no, not only because they don't deserve to be burdened with that knowledge, but because they don't deserve to know it anyway. it would also be such a hassle, and i've had thoughts about what my suicide note would be since i was.. 6.. gosh, my life is crazy. anyways, i've written all kinds of notes in my head but i know that when push comes to shove my parents won't understand them, they'll misinterpret them somehow. hell, even if i explicitly told them, "hey mom and dad, your son's actually a girl and she's been hiding it from you for years", i don't know if my mom will support me. i know my dad at least knows trans people exist, so i guess that's.. something? but they've always been generally sexist towards me and they've body shamed me for being feminine before so i don't think they'll understand.

Hi! I am also trans (non binary) and have complications with my parents, and in all honesty I don't blame you at all and honestly you might be in the right in some ways, for one your parents might look negatively back on this day and blame themselves or you (bad for everyone).


Or just more to process, you don't have to feel the need to explain your person, you are an individual it's your right, I hope you find peace in this matter :) <3

 

[LastDayOnEarth]

I feel kinda similar, I might leave a short note to some childhood friends on their emails and thats it, dont wanna leave too many details

 

[100memoryleaks]

the only reason i'm writing a note is so that no one thinks i simply ran away or went missing. i think it's worse to live with uncertainty than to just face the facts right away.

 

[aspenjrojas]

I'm probably gonna write out all of my accounts and passwords to all my devices so that if they are interested and actually care about me, they can choose to look in my online journals and posts and whatever. Also I'm probably gonna leave my possessions accessible to my friends rather than my parents, because I honestly do not care for my parents at all anymore. But I doubt I'm gonna write a long note with any guilt, sadness, etc. They don't deserve that. I'll probably just write a short explanation.