Story I'm not sure if therapy is benefificial in my situation (debilitating chronic illness)

[sickboy55]

I know I have to discuss this with my therapist, just want to share my thoughts.

Since getting sick 2 years ago (Lyme disease and cervical instability resulting from that), I've been in treatment with a psychiatrist with whom I tried several antidepressants which don't really improve my mood, but the current one (trazodone) at least helps me sleep better. Additionally, I wanted to try therapy with a psychologist. The first lady was somewhat helpful but insisted on me being not actually sick, just overreacting so I looked for someone else. The second lady was straight-up dumb so I didn't go back for a second time. I found the third one in June of last year.

She has experience with chronically and terminally ill patients so she at least understands my struggle. She's also good at pointing out situations where I'm not at fault but my environment is. But other than that, I'm not seeing any benefits.

• The most important problem is, I'm not willing to accept my current condition. I either find a cure/effective symptom management within 1-2 years or I don't want to live anymore, as I have 20+ symptoms causing me pain and discomfort. I feel like I'm not willing to reconsider my viewpoint on that.
• She often tells that she thinks most illnesses have stress/anxiety/depression as a cause. It comes from her experience of talking with patients. I don't agree with that. Yes, stress/mental issues have a negative effect on health but it's not enough to cause a debiliating chronic illness. I think her observation comes from the fact that most people experience some kind of trauma, longer period of stress, misfortune or difficulty during their lifetime. If that directly resulted in illness, everyone above the age of 30 would be sick. Last time, she even mentioned stress leading to bodily symptoms without physiological abnormalities. I was a bit furious as we know I have abnormal lab and imaging results.
• She constantly tells things I already know as I have read about it online for free (a lot): meditation, massage, acupuncture, buddhist philosophy, getting used to a new normal, moving elsewhere, self-help groups etc. These things could be a solution if I was having mild to medarate pain in one body part but don't bring much as I completely had to give up my life because of the severity of my illness. I have tried.
• Yes, some less good things happened to me in my childhood but talking about it doesn't help me feel any better. It's not like I was raped, abandoned, neglected or anything that serious.
• She suggested going to an inpatient psychiatric program which would be a torture in my condition.

Okay, at least someone listens to me. But it's too expensive for just that. And our sessions often just exhaust me and I don't feel any better.

 

[Hotsackage]

Is there any time you feel relaxed?

 

[sickboy55]

Is there any time you feel relaxed?

Rarely, when I get tired, calm down a bit and listen to a podcast or a documentary in bed

 

[realname]

Some of my old therapists have been so unhelpful and even harmful at times.. I often feel like a terminal diagnoses would be better as then medical aid in dying would be more of an option. But as society's view of disabled people is getting worse , I could understand your 1-2 year viewpoint being unshakable.

All the best to you even tho it all sucks and will continue to suck..

Like the wind I guess, I hope it whisks me away in 2-3 years or so bc the conditions are unlivable and worsening.

 

[Hotsackage]

Yes apparently we just use the system, and live on the streets as a choice, I mean some do, most do not. Morons

 

[searchingforpeace]

I am literally in the exact same situation except I have gone through it for 9 years we should trade contact info I am at my wits end with

 

[hopeless-believer]

Sorry to hear, it's really challenging to have chronic illness caused by disease/illness. It can feel like 'you' are not you, without the enjoyment of living how you once lived, and the ability to do things without pain or discomfort.

I can empathise with you somewhat, with my own health conditions where, after so long I don't know a life without pain and difficulty, but I do hope you find something that works for your Lymes. One of the most bizarre cures are from the sting of killer bees... It's unlikely your therapist ever mentioned that.

Anyways, I do hope you find a way to adapt and manage to garner some comfort on here and at home. Therapy can be challenging when you don't feel understood, often, it is only through experience we can truly come to understand another's pain, and again, each person is uniquely different. I do hope you get the help you deserve.

 

[sickboy55]

Sorry to hear, it's really challenging to have chronic illness caused by disease/illness. It can feel like 'you' are not you, without the enjoyment of living how you once lived, and the ability to do things without pain or discomfort.

I can empathise with you somewhat, with my own health conditions where, after so long I don't know a life without pain and difficulty, but I do hope you find something that works for your Lymes. One of the most bizarre cures are from the sting of killer bees... It's unlikely your therapist ever mentioned that.

Anyways, I do hope you find a way to adapt and manage to garner some comfort on here and at home. Therapy can be challenging when you don't feel understood, often, it is only through experience we can truly come to understand another's pain, and again, each person is uniquely different. I do hope you get the help you deserve.

Thank you, I've already heard of bee venom therapy but nobody offers that near me. Anyways, I'm not even sure that would work for me if I already have cervical instbility...

 

[wiggy]

As someone who is terminally ill, the absolute last thing I'd want is to see a therapist. Time is limited enough as it is, the last thing I want is to do is dedicate several hours a week on a treatment whose efficacy is extremely tenuous.
This is to speak nothing of the huge can of worms that are antidepressant protocols - again, my personal life expectancy is likely a few years, so if I have a bad response there might literally not be enough time to return to baseline even if I ride things out all the way to my natural death. That isn't even the plan though, as with my condition, my natural death would be preceded by a sharp decline in my physical state, at which point I don't plan to hang around.
Reality is what it is, if my directive were simply to have an irrationally positive mental experience despite the facts, I'd just be blasting opioids from sunrise to sundown.
Of course, this is all just my own views relating to my personal predicament. By no means do I presume to advise you on how to proceed with your own situation, as all factors involved are highly individual.

 

[hopeless-believer]

Thank you, I've already heard of bee venom therapy but nobody offers that near me. Anyways, I'm not even sure that would work for me if I already have cervical instbility...

Just take a little time and see maybe if things begin to change at all for you health-wise possibly? This is just to say that I've seen a wide variety of cases over the years through my work, each with their own trajectory.

I do have hope for you. It's a lot to take in and alot to deal with, I know. I am wishing you my sincerest best.

 

[aiyuxhan]

I have chronic illnesses with no cures and chronic pain 24/7. That's the the reason I want to ctb. :( I don't want to be in pain and suffering anymore

 

[grapevoid]

Excuse my ignorance but did she explain what she means about the stress etc being a "cause"? I've never heard such a thing, in situations like yours where you obviously have an illness? I know mental health seriously negatively impacts physical health and creates a lot of physical symptoms, I can understand mental health worsening your symptoms or making your physical pain worse but I'm confused how it could "cause" your illness in and of itself?
Also, I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. Talk therapy isn't useful for everyone, in fact studies have found more than 10% of people have no change or even worsening mental health from talk therapy. Maybe it's just not for you?

 

[sickboy55]

Excuse my ignorance but did she explain what she means about the stress etc being a "cause"? I've never heard such a thing, in situations like yours where you obviously have an illness? I know mental health seriously negatively impacts physical health and creates a lot of physical symptoms, I can understand mental health worsening your symptoms or making your physical pain worse but I'm confused how it could "cause" your illness in and of itself?
Also, I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. Talk therapy isn't useful for everyone, in fact studies have found more than 10% of people have no change or even worsening mental health from talk therapy. Maybe it's just not for you?

I didn't understand it very well but she thinks mental wellness is the main factor in people's physical health, and chronic stress weakens the nervous and the immune system, causes muscle tension etc. that leads to illness. I agree that stress is bad for your health but don't think it can ruin someone so fast as it happened to me.

 

[taylorj]

It sounds like therapy may not be a good option for you...not at this time anyways.
I can relate to all of what you said. When I try to pray meditate self talk or in the rare and awkward few instances where I actually attempt to talk about my health struggles with another person, i get the same general feedback...whether from other people or from my idea of God or my "higher self"....acceptance isn't a thing when you literally cannot function in life like a normal person anymore. With chronic illness and even "mystery" illness such as parasites /heavy metal/mold/gut imbalance and environmental toxins being the cause of mystery symptoms but showing normal conventional lab work, it's a fucking joke to people and medical professionals. They can't wrap their head around it so they try to make it less valid or more easily fixable. Like it's either all in your head or you're somehow causing your own illness with your thoughts. I try to avoid any kind of therapy setting. If I'm going to get better mentally it's going to be because I finally find something that puts me into remission..or at least gives me some results. Some things simply aren't acceptable. I can accept a lot....I can accept a new normal so long as that normal includes being able to hold down a job and support myself or having some kind of income and functioning enough in society where I can comfortably complete daily tasks and stand to exist inside of my own body.
With depression/anxiety and chronic illness they go hand in hand yes but more often than not the illness is the cause of the depression not the other way around. I do think there are instances where highly traumatic events can be held in the body and manifest physically but you're likely to know when this is happening.
When people claim God healed them I do believe that is possible but I still don't know if it's God that heals the soul that in turn heals the body or if God is literally out here healing people like Jesus. I'm open to believing in either one. I'd do anything within my willpower to heal. I just know my soul could not possibly heal if my body doesn't heal along with it. Physical remedies haven't worked for me personally. I've tried conventional medicine and natural medicine with zero results. I do agree that you can heal your body energetically to a degree I just don't exactly think it's as simple as your therapist is claiming it is. It's more of a culmination of different things that help the nervous system heal overtime...but you definitely need a multiple pronged approach, not just therapy. If anything therapy just helps you accept your situation but if you aren't in a situation you're willing to accept I don't feel therapy would be much help til you find some symptom relief and get to a better place or a "new normal" that is TRULY acceptable...then therapy might be more beneficial.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

I didn't understand it very well but she thinks mental wellness is the main factor in people's physical health, and chronic stress weakens the nervous and the immune system, causes muscle tension etc. that leads to illness. I agree that stress is bad for your health but don't think it can ruin someone so fast as it happened to me.

This is unfortunately something psychology peddles a lot, as it justifies their profession and like all over generalisations has a grain of truth to it. Is it true that having a better mental state will help you COPE with other things, yes, but having a positive attitude isn't going to heal broken bones and pathologies. Stress does damage on multiple levels, and the concept of oxidative stress as a cellular mechanism is seperate from "feeling'" stress if that makes sense, a lot of mental health workers don't realize that stress impacts the body on a physical level and it isn't just a matter of mindset like they think it is. You can't just think positively and turn off autoimmune disease or nerve pain.

A lot of therapists will say these things, and if you're a chronically ill person who is hoping for a cure or step forward in treatment, it makes you feel frustrated. You want something tangible to work with, not be told to just deal with it forever or gaslighted into thinking, this is all in my head. I understand it well as someone who has also had a mystery chronic illness, pain, and the whole nine yards over the years.

If something isn't helping you, you're under no obligation to keep going or paying them unless you're in some sort of contract with the community mental health teams and or legal system. It was a relief for me when I realised I didn't have to keep going to therapists who were treating me badly and giving me bad advice, even though society rarely acknowledges the prevalence of bad mental health practices and there was backlash from other people. It's worth it to contemplate what sort of gains you're receiving from seeing this therapist, and if it is worth the investment in your own personal situation.

 

[AAE]

I have chronic illnesses with no cures and chronic pain 24/7. That's the the reason I want to ctb. :( I don't want to be in pain and suffering anymore

Same here, I can relate to you and the OP. Plus I have nobody close left, insane neighbors who torture me with extreme noise around the clock and a landlord who wants me out very soon because they will renovate the apartments in fall. (No sound isolation will be done of course) My mother died from the stress 3 years ago and it's been going on for roughly 10 years now. Zero help from society, health care and so on, and they don't even believe me. Of course we wish to die. We're being treated as if we're already dead.

 

[aiyuxhan]

Same here, I can relate to you and the OP. Plus I have nobody close left, insane neighbors who torture me with extreme noise around the clock and a landlord who wants me out very soon because they will renovate the apartments in fall. (No sound isolation will be done of course) My mother died from the stress 3 years ago and it's been going on for roughly 10 years now. Zero help from society, health care and so on, and they don't even believe me. Of course we wish to die. We're being treated as if we're already dead.

I'm so sorry :( Do you live in the USA? If you had support would you still want to die?

 

[AAE]

I'm so sorry :( Do you live in the USA? If you had support would you still want to die?

Thanks. I live in Sweden, things are really, really bad here nowadays. And well, even if I'd want to die there's no painless way so I can't handle it right now. I would give living a chance if I had the right to an own home as in a house where no neighbors can destroy and traumatize me for a decade, and if I had the right to an assistant to help me do the things I can't, which are a lot. I would want the right to truly grieve and it would take a long time if I'd ever get through it. But they only look at people like me as an unnecessary cost in their money-worshipping society.

And my reason to live was mom. I can't get her back and there will never be justice for her or me. We tried everything and I've tried everything and there's no help, nobody cares or believes me.