I'm desperately trapped

[deletednumber]

Right now I feel totally lost and trapped with no way out.As if I lived inside the most terrifying horror movie.On the one hand I am going totally crazy because my depression is at very serious levels and inside of me I feel completely out of my mind.On the other hand I cannot kill myself because i am having problems and doubts with my initial ctb plan, unfortunately I do not have the SN or N and it is not possible for me to take them. I'm trapped guys...it's a tremendous and surreal feeling. I've been crying desperately and hurting myself all day. I don't know what to do! I can't kill myself and living is literally driving me crazy. :( :( :( I feel the impulse to strangle myself with all the strength I have or slit my throat or stab myself in the heart, I'm desperate!
In addition my mom sent me a long message threatening me by writing that if I kill myself I will go to hell for the eternity because it is not my right to take my life because I refuse the life that God has given me and I should live carrying my cross whatever it is. and she gave me the examples of some saints. He wrote me that in this way I will suffer forever and she also wished me so in case I intend to commit suicide again.She wrote me that to deserve the heaven I have to keep the suffering until the end of my days, that I cannot break my life with suicide.I am already very fragile mentally ... then she also writes me these things, she makes me feel even worse.i can not count on anyone. Do I really deserve eternal suffering? Why?Suicide is an act of desperation not a choice made for fun.My mother is a selfish person, doesn't know what it's like to suffer from depression. and she does not accept that I suffer from depression even though she has seen it with his own eyes.she keep telling me it's a whim.I have to put up with this too.I feel really bad :(

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[Hotsackage]

I'm trapped to but in the end I will do it

 

[RedHarlequin]

Oh wow your mom has no idea what the fuck she is talking about. Makes me mad.
I know the feeling of being trapped in existence, it is awful. Maybe look into partial suspension? You don't have to do it, just to know you have an option to leave.

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling like this.
My mom almost made me lose my mind last year!!!

I hope you can feel better soon.

Hugs and love,

Matt

 

[FuneralCry]

This life can be very cruel to us. I can relate to feeling trapped as I know that I want to leave this earth yet it is very hard to do so. You shouldn't listen to your mother, suicide is not an evil act, it is a way to free ourselves of the pain this life has given us. People who haven't suffered enough will never understand. We all deserve a right to die. I wish you the best.

 

[deletednumber]

Oh wow your mom has no idea what the fuck she is talking about. Makes me mad.
I know the feeling of being trapped in existence, it is awful. Maybe look into partial suspension? You don't have to do it, just to know you have an option to leave.

Exactly! It makes me so angry that I want to bang my head against the wall until my brain blows! And at the same time it makes me suffer even more.
Partial hanging I tried it several times even hurting myself, but I'm thinking of doing it again because I can't take it anymore.I have a bathrobe belt and I can tie it to the bathroom door handle.Unfortunately I don't have other solid enough points to attach the belt. I will definitely try again if I keep feeling so bad with no way out

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This life can be very cruel to us. I can relate to feeling trapped as I know that I want to leave this earth yet it is very hard to do so. You shouldn't listen to your mother, suicide is not an evil act, it is a way to free ourselves of the pain this life has given us. People who haven't suffered enough will never understand. We all deserve a right to die. I wish you the best.

Thank you...do you think i will go to hell? i mean a mother's words weigh heavily on an already very fragile mind. i already feel so much guilty and wrong, her words have stuck in my mind ... i feel really trapped

 

[scarletohara]

some people would argue that the life they are living is infact hell and death will be eternal peace, i agree with this and i think if there is a god then he would understand the pain u are going through. dont put pressure on urself, take life one day at a time

 

[whywere]

I think that this, right here, right now, is the 1st time EVER that I have said this in my 65 years. My "parents" TOTALLY messed/screwed me up, even today. They would NOT put me up for adoption, so I spent 18 years in hell AND it still effects me today. With that said, I hate in some degree to say this, but forget your mom period. YOU are a adult, in so far as you do not have to put up with such torment from anyone much less ones mom. Please try and remember that YOU are part of our global family here, I consider you a very important part of also helping me and everyone here. You have a family here and you do not need to listen to crap from "loved ones". I have MASSIVE depression, BPD, heck everything, I think!, so I have somewhat of a idea the hell that you are in right now. Been there, done that! With that said, again, you have ALL OF US to help you. I struggle everyday with depression, some days not bad, some days are HELL, BUT everyone here has helped me pull through the bad days and my wish for you is the exact same. Lots of hugs, smiles SUPPORT and a great sunny up coming weekend!!! Walter ( yep real first name, 65 years young, gray hair and never phony)

 

[deletednumber]

I think that this, right here, right now, is the 1st time EVER that I have said this in my 65 years. My "parents" TOTALLY messed/screwed me up, even today. They would NOT put me up for adoption, so I spent 18 years in hell AND it still effects me today. With that said, I hate in some degree to say this, but forget your mom period. YOU are a adult, in so far as you do not have to put up with such torment from anyone much less ones mom. Please try and remember that YOU are part of our global family here, I consider you a very important part of also helping me and everyone here. You have a family here and you do not need to listen to crap from "loved ones". I have MASSIVE depression, BPD, heck everything, I think!, so I have somewhat of a idea the hell that you are in right now. Been there, done that! With that said, again, you have ALL OF US to help you. I struggle everyday with depression, some days not bad, some days are HELL, BUT everyone here has helped me pull through the bad days and my wish for you is the exact same. Lots of hugs, smiles SUPPORT and a great sunny up coming weekend!!! Walter ( yep real first name, 65 years young, gray hair and never phony)

Thank you so much walter! You are a pillar in this forum ... <3 It's hard not to listen to my mother's words because they concern the after-death which is a topic that I think touches all of us.

some people would argue that the life they are living is infact hell and death will be eternal peace, i agree with this and i think if there is a god then he would understand the pain u are going through. dont put pressure on urself, take life one day at a time

it's very difficult because right now I feel very guilty ... like I'm a bad person. My mother's words always manage to hurt me deeply. I just wish she were able to understand how much it hurts me when she repeats me in continuation of these things. I hate her because after seven years she still doesn't understand it

 

[FuneralCry]

Thank you...do you think i will go to hell? i mean a mother's words weigh heavily on an already very fragile mind. i already feel so much guilty and wrong, her words have stuck in my mind ... i feel really trapped

I don't believe a hell exists - I think there is nothing after death. Even if there was one I don't think you would be sent there - all you want is to not suffer any more. Suicide isn't an evil immoral act.