I’m at a party and all I can think about is how everyone here wouldn’t even notice that I was gone

[Zotz101]

Party with all my school friends. They're nice to me and everything but the painful realisation that none of them would even care if I wasn't here hurts. Also, my social anxiety is through the roof. It's miserable. I don't ever want to go to another party again, to be honest.

I legit sat in a dark closet room for an hour and no one even asked for where I was. Three cheers. I've known these people for 10+ years.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are going through this. To me, the thought of going to a party is very depressing. I believe that most people are very selfish and they only care if it directly affects themselves. People can be very disappointing. I wish you the best.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Never been to a party, but I'm sure everyone's too busy thinking about themselves/getting drunk to notice anyone else (except for potential sexual partners). Wouldn't assume it's anything unusual. It can be painful to not be needed, and I don't think many are really needed in these times. Not in any real sense of the word, at least. Children need their parents, romantic partners will sometimes need each other, think that's about it.

 

[Zzzzz]

I'm sure you deserve better than that. People are often disappointing. People need love and friendship to survive. And they wonder why suicide rates are rising. Because people don't love each other and even friends are not kind to each other.

 

[GoldLeafIndigo]

I have *horrible* anxiety, I often feel like people wont like me, so I feel your pain. But something that has helped me recently is remembering that my thoughts are not necessarily the facts, they are just my thoughts.

For example, everyone at that party aren't noticing you're missing, but you dont know what is going on in their heads. They could be worried about impressing the person they are talking to, and could feel really bad if you moved away or died. Thing is, you don't know, because you can't read their minds.

Mostly people are worried about their own selves, so try not to take their not missing you personally. Easy for me to say, I know. I'm the guy who always ruminates on "do people not like me?" Usually I dread parties!

 

[Feeding Pigeons]

I've been to a few parties, and you couldn't pay me to go to one. Awful experiences.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

On one hand, I do understand that parties can feel very lonely sometimes for many different reasons. On the other hand, hiding in the closet probably isn't helping things tbh. They might have noticed, but maybe it's a bit of an awkward situation? Idk what kind of party it is.

 

[lostautist]

I think your social anxiety is getting the better of you. If they're nice and friendly to you, you should enjoy them being nice and friendly. It sounds like you decided to play hide and seek without telling everyone else that you're going to hide for them to find you. Also out of sight out of mind really happens. Maybe they thought you left or are sensitive to your emotions and don't know how to deal with it at a party. I'm sorry you're hurting though.

 

[Zotz101]

Thanks for the nice comments. I know for a fact none of them knew where I was because the closet was quite isolated - they wouldn't know I was in there. But, anyhow, I am very appreciative of your kind words. I don't know how to get over my social anxiety.

I'd rather just simply not talk to people than jeopardise our relationship every time I open my mouth. Yet, you never build friendships by not even talking to people, right?

 

[allesistgut]

social anxiety is really though and i feel like a lot of people tend to think it isn't a big deal. i'm really sorry you're going through this, i feel the struggle.

i am lucky enough though to have two people in my life who when i'm with them things usually seem a lot better and my anxiety is also a lot better. but i know from experience how hard it is to find people like that and when i'm on my own idk shit ain't fun.

i know saying this is way easier than doing it, but idk maybe if you would want to try to build some friendships (not necessarily with the people that were at the party just like in general) one on one with someone could potentially be a lot easier and may feel more comfortable? i find my anxiety tends to be a lot better when i'm in smaller groups although the people you're around can make a big difference as well. sorry i'm kind of rambling here and idk my apologies if i'm a bit off topic as well.

 

[Zotz101]

social anxiety is really though and i feel like a lot of people tend to think it isn't a big deal. i'm really sorry you're going through this, i feel the struggle.

i am lucky enough though to have two people in my life who when i'm with them things usually seem a lot better and my anxiety is also a lot better. but i know from experience how hard it is to find people like that and when i'm on my own idk shit ain't fun.

i know saying this is way easier than doing it, but idk maybe if you would want to try to build some friendships (not necessarily with the people that were at the party just like in general) one on one with someone could potentially be a lot easier and may feel more comfortable? i find my anxiety tends to be a lot better when i'm in smaller groups although the people you're around can make a big difference as well. sorry i'm kind of rambling here and idk my apologies if i'm a bit off topic as well.

Dw!

I actually have friends. Many friends. Yet, I doubt many of them like me that much. Sometimes I pity them - they are simply entertaining me out of pity. I think maybe 2-4 of them genuinely like me? But I know the rest just feel bad for me. They're good people. They'd rather me sit with them and be the "annoying" one rather than have no one type of thing.

I should probably get over my social anxiety. I don't really know how, though. I don't have social anxiety when I'm alone or with strangers. A big coping mechanism for me are Tinder dates. I think the crux of my fear is screwing up and ruining a really great relationship. Idk. I never intend to hurt anyone. I always end up doing it, though. So many amazing people I've hurt, haha

 

[allesistgut]

Dw!

I actually have friends. Many friends. Yet, I doubt many of them like me that much. Sometimes I pity them - they are simply entertaining me out of pity. I think maybe 2-4 of them genuinely like me? But I know the rest just feel bad for me. They're good people. They'd rather me sit with them and be the "annoying" one rather than have no one type of thing.

I should probably get over my social anxiety. I don't really know how, though. I don't have social anxiety when I'm alone or with strangers. A big coping mechanism for me are Tinder dates. I think the crux of my fear is screwing up and ruining a really great relationship. Idk. I never intend to hurt anyone. I always end up doing it, though. So many amazing people I've hurt, haha

i'm glad to hear you got some people around you, but sorry to hear about feeling that way. i get it though, although idk with me it's like i definitely have moments where i'm like do they even like me? i must be so annoying, they have to hate me, but i've brought my feelings up somewhat with them before and they've told me that they do like me and they didn't think that way at all so idk. i think it may come from me overthinking it or just the feeling like how could i even be likeable? idk.

but honestly idk it's hard because i don't know your exact situation of course and being in it can feel so different, but maybe there is something similar going on as well? not sure if i'm expressing myself right here but yeah.

i've also experienced friends in the past (well not sure i'd call them that now lol) that i'm very sure were just like pitying me or something which definitely doesn't feel good. but idk it may help to bring up some of these feelings you have with them and based on their reactions to talking with them trying to figure out if you want to be around those types of people? because i mean people can be nice and all, but idk i feel like you don't have to be friends with someone just because they're nice? you definitely deserve friendships where you aren't just seen as annoying or around people who make you feel that way about yourself.

don't be hard on yourself, social anxiety is a bitch and trying to get a hold on it is really hard! idk how to totally cope either, the only ways i sometimes handle are definitely not healthy methods. but i think it's great that you can talk to strangers and stuff like that! and about hurting people well idk again the full situation, but yeah i think most relationships tends to be difficult but sometimes they can grow stronger out of things happening and being honest with one another?

(lol sorry this is kind of a lot of text looking at it now.)

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

Let me tell you something in my life

I never liked parties my entire life . Always was very shy and could replicate behaviors like you mentioned here, though maybe not to this extreme

And then something happened

I started drinking. And everything changed

 

[DoodleBug]

Parties are a lot of work. At least at work there's no ongoing pressure to be a welcoming, interesting butterfly ALL the time. Its an awful feeling, disappearing into the background while in a room full of people with whom you're supposedly supposed to socialize.

I'd rather just simply not talk to people than jeopardise our relationship every time I open my mouth. Yet, you never build friendships by not even talking to people, right?

Talking to people is one thing, but forcing yourself not to be 100% honest with people is the worst. All in all, most relationships turn out to be just a filler, a way to get by that will eventually merge into white noise of forgettable days Feeling comfortable and free around people you can be honest with seems like an unachievable thing.

 

[elfin]

i'm sorry, i know that feeling all too well and it's horrible.

 

[Looooser]

I didn't have the social anxiety back when I partied but I do now so I can understand how you feel. But if you walk around with a beer in your hand and just see what happens things might be better. Or come up with some party games! A thing we used to do was a shirt swapping. Every 30 minutes you changed shirts with the person to your nearest left whether it was a girl or guy. It was interesting and fun. Some friends of mine do a charity party every year where you everyone, including guys, have to where a red dress. They call it the red dress party. I thinks it's grown to like 300+ people and lots of fun.