somethingisntreal
The future prepared for us is a twisted joke.
- Aug 30, 2025
- 224
Tl;dr: idiot starts complaining about depressed impulsive teens on reddit while her post devolves into a disjointed mess about empathy and self hatred.
Ugh, this is probably gonna sound like some edgelord emo bs i just know it.
Whenever I look through mental health support subreddits (primarily r/suicidewatch) or the comment sections for a vaguely depressing youtube video I see people, mostly teenagers, going "Killing myself because I can't get a gf", "I am 12 and planning to od on paracetamol because my parents shouted at me", "I'm so depressed because I got a D in my school exams and want to kms", etc you get the point. I can't get myself to feel bad for these kids. I know that sometimes these issues go way deeper than that. I know that I shouldn't call them stupid for wanting to ctb over "petty reasons". I try to be as empathetic as I can because I too was one of those kids. Despite showing self destructive and suicidal behaviour throughout my childhood and teen years my family only acknowledged it a few months ago. I should be the one who who relates to them, who comforts them. Yet my brain wants to convince me that they're just dramatic and do not deserve any validation. I hate it.
I've also had rl people telling me similar stuff about wanting to ctb over seemingly trivial reasons. I'm not sure if they're joking but in my head I just go "yeah no you'll get over it." Someone I knew tried to od on painkillers because his crush didn't like him back. When I first got that info I was visibly disgusted because that's so fucking lame who the hell does that???? I also despise people who make their suicide a public display. Screams "I am an attention seeker" to me.
The hypocrisy is insane because I myself have pretty dumb reasons for wanting to ctb.
I think I should mention that I have trouble empathizing with people in general. Even on SaSu, I try to be a sweet caring person (dont know if I come off as one) but honestly, I don't feel anything while reading most of the posts here. That's why I tend to stick to method advice threads because my attempts at comforting people often end up sounding disingenuous. I write shit like "omg it's alright dont rush it you should postpone you ctb if you feel conflicted" on goodbye threads but I'm always secretly wishing they do it and succeed because... I dont know...? Am I curious how it'll go? Will it amuse me? Do I want to know if I'd feel something for them?
I've wished for a person (both irl and online on sasu) to die just to know if I'd grieve them. Way more than once. Is this an effect being exposed to snuff and gore from a young age or was I a bad person since the day I was born? I often have violent and homicidal thoughts. (No i will NEVER do it, they're simply impulsive thoughts — atleast that's what I tell myself to cope) Pro lifers say that all life is precious and we all have people who care about us but will anyone actually grieve a dumb edgy bitch like me? People like me should die. I always hurt everyone around me. I am rude, toxic and selfish. I am perfectly capable of making friends, I think. It's just that I block/ignore people after 3 days of talking to them because I got bored with them. That's the kind of person I am. The only people who still love me are my parents and the only thing they get in return are my cruel words. I scream and shout at everyone around me I'm always so contemptuous and ungrateful. I also have a superiority complex (despite of all that self hatred) and believe I'm always the smartest and most competent person in the room. I'm too prideful to even apologize.
I feel like a monster for this. Who am I kidding, lol. I am a despicable pos. I hate myself. I have absolutely no redeeming qualities. Ugly face, ugly personality, stupid af, no talent no nothing. I need to ctb asap there's no hope for me.
Ugh, this is probably gonna sound like some edgelord emo bs i just know it.
Whenever I look through mental health support subreddits (primarily r/suicidewatch) or the comment sections for a vaguely depressing youtube video I see people, mostly teenagers, going "Killing myself because I can't get a gf", "I am 12 and planning to od on paracetamol because my parents shouted at me", "I'm so depressed because I got a D in my school exams and want to kms", etc you get the point. I can't get myself to feel bad for these kids. I know that sometimes these issues go way deeper than that. I know that I shouldn't call them stupid for wanting to ctb over "petty reasons". I try to be as empathetic as I can because I too was one of those kids. Despite showing self destructive and suicidal behaviour throughout my childhood and teen years my family only acknowledged it a few months ago. I should be the one who who relates to them, who comforts them. Yet my brain wants to convince me that they're just dramatic and do not deserve any validation. I hate it.
I've also had rl people telling me similar stuff about wanting to ctb over seemingly trivial reasons. I'm not sure if they're joking but in my head I just go "yeah no you'll get over it." Someone I knew tried to od on painkillers because his crush didn't like him back. When I first got that info I was visibly disgusted because that's so fucking lame who the hell does that???? I also despise people who make their suicide a public display. Screams "I am an attention seeker" to me.
The hypocrisy is insane because I myself have pretty dumb reasons for wanting to ctb.
I think I should mention that I have trouble empathizing with people in general. Even on SaSu, I try to be a sweet caring person (dont know if I come off as one) but honestly, I don't feel anything while reading most of the posts here. That's why I tend to stick to method advice threads because my attempts at comforting people often end up sounding disingenuous. I write shit like "omg it's alright dont rush it you should postpone you ctb if you feel conflicted" on goodbye threads but I'm always secretly wishing they do it and succeed because... I dont know...? Am I curious how it'll go? Will it amuse me? Do I want to know if I'd feel something for them?
I've wished for a person (both irl and online on sasu) to die just to know if I'd grieve them. Way more than once. Is this an effect being exposed to snuff and gore from a young age or was I a bad person since the day I was born? I often have violent and homicidal thoughts. (No i will NEVER do it, they're simply impulsive thoughts — atleast that's what I tell myself to cope) Pro lifers say that all life is precious and we all have people who care about us but will anyone actually grieve a dumb edgy bitch like me? People like me should die. I always hurt everyone around me. I am rude, toxic and selfish. I am perfectly capable of making friends, I think. It's just that I block/ignore people after 3 days of talking to them because I got bored with them. That's the kind of person I am. The only people who still love me are my parents and the only thing they get in return are my cruel words. I scream and shout at everyone around me I'm always so contemptuous and ungrateful. I also have a superiority complex (despite of all that self hatred) and believe I'm always the smartest and most competent person in the room. I'm too prideful to even apologize.
I feel like a monster for this. Who am I kidding, lol. I am a despicable pos. I hate myself. I have absolutely no redeeming qualities. Ugly face, ugly personality, stupid af, no talent no nothing. I need to ctb asap there's no hope for me.
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