BlueButterfly111
Autistic and Heartbroken
- Dec 26, 2024
- 288
I was thinking about the memories that I have with my boyfriend, Henry. I remember the feeling of wholeness, feeling complete and loved, that will never be felt again in this lifetime.
Since it's been 7 months, I'm not grieving as much as I was in the beginning. When he first passed, there was a lot of heaviness, a lot of tears and pain. And now I'm just empty, it's like an unbelievable fever dream. I went from a year of happiness and love, to pain and grief, to now emptiness. I really can't imagine feeling that happiness with anyone else. I don't know how to explain, but sometimes it feels like the first stages of grief with all the crying was better. At least I was feeling something and still full of so much love.
I'm not the same person that I was. I remember all of the years I spent feeling lonely before he came into my life. Then I met him and everything was so much better, as I told him. Then he died. I've given up. I don't care about anything anymore, he was my only hope to live.
I think sometimes I post here just to feel something.
Since it's been 7 months, I'm not grieving as much as I was in the beginning. When he first passed, there was a lot of heaviness, a lot of tears and pain. And now I'm just empty, it's like an unbelievable fever dream. I went from a year of happiness and love, to pain and grief, to now emptiness. I really can't imagine feeling that happiness with anyone else. I don't know how to explain, but sometimes it feels like the first stages of grief with all the crying was better. At least I was feeling something and still full of so much love.
I'm not the same person that I was. I remember all of the years I spent feeling lonely before he came into my life. Then I met him and everything was so much better, as I told him. Then he died. I've given up. I don't care about anything anymore, he was my only hope to live.
I think sometimes I post here just to feel something.
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