If your sibling ctb would you still ctb?

[oziinnz]

If you were close to your parent/s and they just lost one child to ctb would you still ctb?
Obviously if you were close to your sibling it would make your depression so much worse.
Would you be able to follow through and hurt your parents more?
Would it make it easier or harder for you to ctb?

 

[waitingforrest]

I don't even know to be honest. I know that ctb of someone close can make more people ctb.

Sometimes, I just plan to go missing and ctb, but it will give them false hope that I am still alive. Or make it a accident.

I probably will ctb at some point. I am a selfish and f**ked up for not caring about what pain I will pass on. I guess that is how low I have fallen, to the point where I don't care, I just want to die.

Years of this constant misery has basically stripped me of all human decency and foresight. The more I go on, the more I hurt and push people away. It's like I'm cursed.

 

[oziinnz]

I don't even know to be honest. I know that ctb of someone close can make more people ctb.

Sometimes, I just plan to go missing and ctb, but it will give them false hope that I am still alive. Or make it a accident.

I probably will ctb at some point. I am a selfish and f**ked up for not caring about what pain I will pass on. I guess that is how low I have fallen, to the point where I don't care, I just want to die.

Years of this constant misery has basically stripped me of all human decency and foresight. The more I go on, the more I hurt and push people away. It's like I'm cursed.

I'm so sorry for your pain. I think that is a natural thing to do when you are so miserable. It is understandable you have pushed people away, I don't think that means you are stripped of human decency though. You are just suffering.
I have been so horrible at times to my mother since my sister ctb because I am so miserable. I hate myself for my downfalls of not doing more to save my sister so sometimes I project my own self loathing onto her. I don't talk to anyone else and only talk to my mother because I live with her since coming back to the country since my sister ctb.
I think I also resent her for being the only thing keeping me here so far due to guilt of putting her through another suic!de of her last child. But I am feeling more and more like I don't care because I want to be gone and I can't make her want to die too just as she can't make me want to live.

 

[silverspring]

I've lost two siblings to suicide. The two oldest. It definitely has caused a lot of damage in our family, therefore I hold a lot of guilt about my suicidal thoughts and tendencies, because I've witnessed the aftermath. Twice. Once as a young child, the other as a 30 year old. Unfortunately they aren't the only two people I know who have died by suicide, I've been through more than enough suicides in my lifetime to "know better" and I still don't. It stops me from going through with things more than just fucking SI. I hate it so much.

 

[oziinnz]

I've lost two siblings to suicide. The two oldest. It definitely has caused a lot of damage in our family, therefore I hold a lot of guilt about my suicidal thoughts and tendencies, because I've witnessed the aftermath. Twice. Once as a young child, the other as a 30 year old. Unfortunately they aren't the only two people I know who have died by suicide, I've been through more than enough suicides in my lifetime to "know better" and I still don't. It stops me from going through with things more than just fucking SI. I hate it so much.

I'm so sorry. How long ago did you lose the sibling that ctb at 30?
Do you have any siblings left?
I have so much regret I feel like if I'd been more supportive she'd still be here and I'd still have a sibling.

 

[thedaywillcome]

If my brother whould ctb, I would want to ctb even more.

 

[its-about-time]

It stops me from going through with things more than just fucking SI. I hate it so much.

Can relate. Seeing the devastation first hand, or experiencing it yourself, really makes it impossible to not be overwhelmed with guilt at the thought of putting loved ones through that again. Guilt currently keeps me here more than any survival instinct.

 

[oziinnz]

Can relate. Seeing the devastation first hand, or experiencing it yourself, really makes it impossible to not be overwhelmed with guilt at the thought of putting loved ones through that again. Guilt currently keeps me here more than any survival instinct.

Me too. Good chance I'd be dead already if I didn't feel so much guilt

 

[LucieInTheDark]

I don't know, I think I wouldn't care. I don't feel like my family matters too much for me

 

[Maaizr]

If my brother whould ctb, I would want to ctb even more.

same, im close with all 3 of my brothers

 

[silverspring]

I'm so sorry. How long ago did you lose the sibling that ctb at 30?
Do you have any siblings left?
I have so much regret I feel like if I'd been more supportive she'd still be here and I'd still have a sibling.

My sister passed away February of 2017. I am the youngest of 8 siblings actually. There are only six of us left. We weren't all raised together though, as our mother was an addict and we got taken away from her by the courts and split into different group homes/foster homes/other family's houses. It is a huge story but I assure you it's a huge mess and it all has been hell. I'll try not to be too long explaining.

My sister had three children and a wonderful man in her life. They were together for a pretty long time. He got cancer and passed away rather quickly after the diagnosis. As soon as he died, she lost her way and fell into a world of drugs and suicide attempts and hospitals and the like. She was very important to me, been there for me at periods of time that I really needed someone (pre-husbands passing) and I loved her very much. Her suicide was questioned by a lot of my other siblings. I won't get into methods, but she was alone for almost half a week before she was found. When she decided to do it, she reached out to one person, who was a guy she was hooking up with at the time, and did not give a fuck what she was doing. That's what we all feel, anyways.

Typically she would reach out to someone in the family when she attempted, because she knew she'd be saved. This time she didn't do that. I don't think she wanted to be saved. Or if she did, maybe she thought the guy she was seeing cared more than he did. Sorry for this huge novel of a reply. Believe me, there's a lot of guilt. It's so much guilt. I can guarantee every single one of my remaining siblings and MAYBE even my bio mom feels it (although she likes to use both of her children's suicides for attention). But I also feel indifferent about some of them. That's another story. I just know I feel so guilty putting them through it again.

Can relate. Seeing the devastation first hand, or experiencing it yourself, really makes it impossible to not be overwhelmed with guilt at the thought of putting loved ones through that again. Guilt currently keeps me here more than any survival instinct.

I feel ya, friend.

 

[FuneralCry]

I could never stay alive for the sake of others, we all have the right to exit at a time of our own choosing anyway. We will all die eventually someday and grief and loss are a part of life. I have no obligations to stay alive as I did not ask to exist. All I want is to end all meaningless suffering and finally be at peace.

 

[Symbiote]

No, I would join my parents in forming a pro-life movement to have suicide sites shut down and preach to others that suicidal people are murderers. I'll also make sure to contradict myself so many times to confuse legislators and politicians that every time I try to visit them, they're either out of town or went on holiday to escape my club. I will also reap the emotions of others paying respect to my sibling as my own because our family lost more than just a life, we lost ourselves. -FT26

/heavy sarcasm

 

[xo777]

Yes my twin brother already did and now I feel the need to go and be with him more and more each day.

 

[lili]

If my sibling would CTB I think I would probably loose my mind completely and leave this planet forever.

 

[oziinnz]

Yes my twin brother already did and now I feel the need to go and be with him more and more each day

I'm so sorry it's the worst thing. When did you lose your twin?
It's been 3 months for me.

 

[Of The Universe]

I could never stay alive for the sake of others, we all have the right to exit at a time of our own choosing anyway. We will all die eventually someday and grief and loss are a part of life. I have no obligations to stay alive as I did not ask to exist. All I want is to end all meaningless suffering and finally be at peace.

FC,do you have a family? I don't really. I have three siblings,two are worthless,and one has gone his own way,so I consider myself to be aLONE!

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I don't really care if either of my sisters CTB'd. I think I would treat it like how I did my grandparents dying, I'd only feel sad on a surface level and then I'd also feel like I don't care enough which means I must be a cruel person which would then make me only want to CTB more.

 

[eternalflame]

I don't know. It's very what if and i think you can't live for someone.
If you ask about me right now then YES, i don't see why not. That would even make my will stronger and i don't wish to be some sort of martyr that holds family together.

 

[Klo]

If you were close to your parent/s and they just lost one child to ctb would you still ctb?
Obviously if you were close to your sibling it would make your depression so much worse.
Would you be able to follow through and hurt your parents more?
Would it make it easier or harder for you to ctb?

My brother did it 15 years ago and I have always been jealous. It has made me more hesitant but I am caring less and less about family now and I am closer to being able to let it all go. For years i would dream about my brother but i haven't in quite a while. My biggest worry is being wrong about my spiritual beliefs/hopes and not seeing my brother again or both of us ending up in more suffering in whatever comes next

 

[oziinnz]

My brother did it 15 years ago and I have always been jealous. It has made me more hesitant but I am caring less and less about family now and I am closer to being able to let it all go. For years i would dream about my brother but i haven't in quite a while. My biggest worry is being wrong about my spiritual beliefs/hopes and not seeing my brother again or both of us ending up in more suffering in whatever comes next

I wish I believed but I don't. And it's part of the reason I want to die.. the thought of never seeing her again. Let's hope it's real. I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother

 

[FuneralCry]

FC,do you have a family? I don't really. I have three siblings,two are worthless,and one has gone his own way,so I consider myself to be aLONE!

Yes, I have a few family members. I'm sorry about your situation. I wish you the best.

 

[Istanbulite]

Guys this is no game. Don't throw ctb everywhere.

If your sibling kills herself/himself would you kill yourself too?

Me? No. I am a different person

 

[xo777]

I'm so sorry it's the worst thing. When did you lose your twin?
It's been 3 months for me.

i'm sorry for your loss also and it has been just a little over a year now

 

[☆AwaitingEntropy☆]

I genuinely don't know. I hope with all my heart that they don't ever ctb - they suffer from depression, and are quite young adults (and impulsive, at that) so I'm often nervous for them and their safety. Same with my mom, who also suffers from suicidal ideation. It runs in the family...I guess.
I know if one of my family caught the bus, it would devastate the others, and a possible second - I can't imagine what kind of pain that would cause.
I'm not ignorant to the fact that my own suicide will cause suffering. One of the reasons I've held off for so damn long is because I'm worried it may spark a chain reaction in family and friends, and I don't want that. They still have hope.

 

[.............]

I doubt anyone in my family would CTB, so I'd be fully out of it if any of them did.

 

[oziinnz]

Guys this is no game. Don't throw ctb everywhere.

If your sibling kills herself/himself would you kill yourself too?

Me? No. I am a different person

What do you mean throw ctb everywhere and it's no game?

 

[Istanbulite]

What do you mean throw ctb everywhere and it's no game?

it's self evident what I mean!

 

[oziinnz]

it's self evident what I mean!

Ok I don't think I get it otherwise I wouldn't have asked. I don't think it's a game... my sister just did so that's why I ask, not because it's a game because I wonder if I'm mostly alone in planning to because of that loss.

 

[Istanbulite]

Ok I don't think I get it otherwise I wouldn't have asked. I don't think it's a game... my sister just did so that's why I ask, not because it's a game because I wonder if I'm mostly alone in planning to because of that loss.

You should revise your life irrespective of your sister's unfortunate suicide, IMO