Venting If I run away from my monsters and demons, they just come back stronger

[hellispink]

I wish there was a way to save myself from them. But this many years on earth have been more agonizing than rewarding. Everytime I try to run from these demons, they come back stronger. To tell me how silly I have been. I have been so used so lied so betrayed, I have been unwanted always. Always the left out the one that gets bullied and laughed at. I thought there could be a place for me in this world. I am tired of having appointments with the blades to cut my skin through. I am so sick of my head. I can be positive and I can be all optimistic I want but damn, reality kicks and weights me down and drags me to the worst places. I need to convince myself to stop torturing myself with this endless nights and days. I must go, I have how to but I am such a coward. But even cowards don't have a choice at one point.

 

[FuneralCry]

Feeling like you are unable to go through with suicide does not mean that you are a coward, suicide really is so difficult and of course humans are programmed to survive, even know we want to die. Living really can be torture and it does seem like in this life it is impossible to escape from suffering. I'm sorry that you are in such an unbearable situation. I know that it is awful when things just get worse. I hope that you are able to find relief from what you are going through.

 

[Nohopejoe]

That reminds me of something I read in the Bible. From the Gospel of Luke

24"When an unclean spirit goes out of someone, it roams through arid regions searching for rest but, finding none, it says, 'I shall return to my home from which I came.'
25But upon returning, it finds it swept clean and put in order.
26Then it goes and brings back seven other spirits more wicked than itself who move in and dwell there, and the last condition of that person is worse than the first."k​