Venting idk if i’m overreacting and need unbiased opinions

[onyx559]

my boyfriend kept asking me to open up to him and that he wants to be the person I go to when i'm feeling down but Idk…i just tried and i feel like he just focused on how it's affecting him and our relationship. i feel like everything i said was pointless but idk..I don't know i don't know i don't know

*context i tried to do a puzzle instead of cutting myself and my cat ran into it 1000 pieces and i was about 100 away from finishing and i cried

 

[CatLvr]

You are both right and wrong. He does sound like he is making it about him. BUT ... That could very easily be because he doesn't understand. He only has his way of mentally coping with stuff that is not even CLOSE to what you are going through.

The best way I can think of to describe it is like me trying to explain some obscure (and completely ass-backwards legal concept) to my husband. It just isn't gonna happen.

I certainly do not know for sure, but that's what it looks like to me. You seem to be doing everything you know to do to be open and honest with him, without blaming him for any of this, but it is just not "clicking" with him. Whether that is naivete or selfishness I couldn't tell you, but I do know I would not try to open up to him anymore. I'm just a third wheel, but he made me feel awful for you. He could have TRIED to give you a soft landing, even if he didn't understand. I didn't sense any effort at all in that regard. I am so sorry.

Maybe someone else here has another take that would be more helpful?? I hope. But even so, if you need to talk my DMs are open.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

seconded. opening up like that is never easy and objectively, it would have been better for him to say he's holding space for you or the equivalent, not put undue icky feelings on you re "figure it out. it's affecting things".

I know that wouldn't make me feel good esp if I was speaking the way you are. I feel like any good friend would tell me to be mindful going forward. you don't deserve someone making it worse. at all. period.

 

[deadbidaylight]

It started off supportive. I really do think he was coming from a genuine space. It went downhill though as the conversation went on.

I'll play devils advocate here because I know (especially from my own daily experience), sometimes partners know what they mean to say, but it comes out all wrong. My partner speaks before he thinks constantly and it always gets him into deep shit with me. But sometimes that's how people are. Not everyone is good with communicating.

Also, messages are easy to be taken out of context because there is no emotion behind it. This could've been a productive conversation if you had it in person or even over the phone. You might have looked at it a completely different way if you heard his voice behind the context.

I'm not trying to invalidate your feelings at all. Your feelings of inadequacy are valid, and I resonate deeply with the feelings you're having because I have them too. I'm just trying to approach it from a different standpoint. Your partner sounds like they have their own deep seated insecurities That they need to work on themselves, and maybe when you're feeling this way, it triggers something in them? I'm not saying it's okay, but it could be a likely scenario.

 

[NeverReallyHere]

Most people don't even know themselves, let alone others. They'll tell you that they're there for you no matter what, and that its okay to open up to them - and they'll believe it, but they don't know it - I mean really know it. And neither do you. What people say they want means nothing; think about what you actually know about them from their actions and how they behave toward you and others close to them - then you might come up with a more honest assessment of whether you can trust them enough to open up.