idek what to do anymore

[butterfly3]

this is my 4th time buying sn. the 3rd time i bought it i cancelled it myself because I woke up with so much anxiety about police finding it, my family finding it and using it, just general overthinking. the other 2 times it was cancelled by the seller because they just aren't allowed to sell it to me. this 4th time the same thing happened. im so frustrated, i really thought this time it would come. i think i need to start rethinking my methods. it might have to be painful after all.
i just cant deal with the constant depression, boredom, guilt, loneliness, stress, body dysmorphia etc.
im so deeply stressed, burned out and tired right now to the point where ive broken out in a rash, really dry skin and painful spots all over my face, neck, behind my ears and eyelids, making me even uglier than i was before

 

[PrincessInWhite]

sending hugs to you <3 I myself have SN but I don't think I'll ever use it unless literally every other method failed, the reports are just too variable for my personal comfort level. just know you're not alone in your trapped feelings <3

 

[Klo]

Hope things get better for you.

 

[GongLiFang]

That sounds like the worst, I am sorry and I am sending moral support! Finding and sourcing SN is getting hard and I have been there, but hopefully you can eventually get it with time if you still wish to go this route.

Anyways, I understand the anxiety of getting found out, I feel it too.

Sending you hope and support

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you are in this situation. It sounds so stressful trying to order SN. I know that this life can be unbearable when you are so tired of everything. Suicide really should not be this difficult, we all deserve the option of a peaceful and reliable exit at a time of our own choosing. It is cruel to expect people to suffer until old age against their wishes. I wish you the best in whatever happens and I hope you find relief from your pain.