I would like to reduce the chances of family finding out

[Grumpy Bear]

So I've been disowned by my family for over 5 years. Essentially almost no contact with them. When I CTB I don't want them to be informed of my death. I just want them to continue with life and assume I'm alive and doing my own thing. How can this be done? Do I need to make a will with a lawyer that states my family won't get a death notice and that I wish for no obituary? I'm also going to make my death seem like an accidental OD, which will come as no surprise to them if they find out because I have an extensive drug history.

 

[Jumping_realms]

I'm sorry.

It's not always necessary for family to ID family, but I'm not sure how to stop a death notification from police.

 

[toforigivelife]

Good question.

A will might be helpful. A will that states that your family is not to be informed of your passing and then cite reasons and the number of years you have not been in contact with them. Do some research.

You may also need to make your own final arrangements. Usually they want to track down family so that someone will foot the bill in order to take care of your remains.

I I don't know how you want your remains to be handled but I do know you can pre-pay to be cremated.

You can also look into having a "green" burial, where they simply bury your un-embalmed body in the ground without a coffin. Not sure but I don't think a green burial is all that expensive.

You would need to have this information in your will and leave it next to your body with a note explaining who will take care of your body.

It's not that I want you to go.

Just trying to be helpful.

Sometimes knowing your options can give you peace of mind, whether you ultimately decide to ctb or not.

Best wishes Grumpy Bear. Hope it doesn't come to this but if your decision is one that has been well thought out then I and others should respect it.

 

[Grumpy Bear]

Good question.

A will might be helpful. A will that states that your family is not to be informed of your passing and then cite reasons and the number of years you have not been in contact with them. Do some research.

You may also need to make your own final arrangements. Usually they want to track down family so that someone will foot the bill in order to take care of your remains.

I I don't know how you want your remains to be handled but I do know you can pre-pay to be cremated.

You can also look into having a "green" burial, where they simply bury your un-embalmed body in the ground without a coffin. Not sure but I don't think a green burial is all that expensive.

You would need to have this information in your will and leave it next to your body with a note explaining who will take care of your body.

It's not that I want you to go.

Just trying to be helpful.

Sometimes knowing your options can give you peace of mind, whether you ultimately decide to ctb or not.

Best wishes Grumpy Bear. Hope it doesn't come to this but if your decision is one that has been well thought out then I and others should respect it.

Thank you for the well thought out answer.

Yes, it's been years of waiting period after waiting period to make an absolutely sound decision. I've had a second wind recently and I am going to give life every ounce of effort to do what is necessary to overcome my obstacles. However I am also planning for failure. In the event of CTB I want to be thoughtful and thorough.

 

[toforigivelife]

Thank you for the well thought out answer.

Yes, it's been years of waiting period after waiting period to make an absolutely sound decision. I've had a second wind recently and I am going to give life every ounce of effort to do what is necessary to overcome my obstacles. However I am also planning for failure. In the event of CTB I want to be thoughtful and thorough.

I truly wish you the best with your second wind. I'm glad you're giving life a second chance.

But I agree with your thinking. For people in our position it's always best to think things through and to have a solid plan in place.

I sincerely hope things get better.

 

[MartyByrde]

Assuming you're single with no adult children, your parents are default next of kin. I agree you may need a lawyer to determine how to designate someone else.

If you're in the US, obituaries cost money. If you or someone else doesn't write and pay for it to be printed, you won't have an obituary.

 

[everydayiloveyou]

If your family doesn't write/pay for an obituary then you won't get one, as MartyByrde said.

What you can try, is to mask your identity as much as possible so that you are ruled identifiable amd put into an Unidentified Deaths/Persons database like NAMUS. This requires a lot of knowledge and preparation. So going somewhere far where you have no connections, not having DNA or fingerprints anywhere (so you cannot have been arrested or done 23AndMe), and getting rid of all ID and other documentation tracing to you. This is usually easiest when you are homeless and have been homeless for a long time.

I have a relative who is estranged from the rest of us, they are chronically homeless, an addict, and lost all their ID years ago. We hadn't spoken to them in years, once they got found passed out in the woods by the cops. No one could find their next of kin for about two years. They survived all this and lived in a nursing home before "suddenly" remembering someone's contact info and calling them asking to be let out.

Otherwise, it's gonna be really easy to find your family. If you went to the hospital and named someone as next-of-kin or emergency contact, they can find that. Cops can do a basic address search on you (if it shows on your credit report then the cops have it too) and find out previous addresses, who lives there now, and deduce that if someone with the same last name is there then they probably know you. Then asking at work, the neighbors, the landlord, etc. Chances are the ones who will be the most nosey are funeral homes and estate lawyers looking to cash in on a bereaved family, hospitals/cops usually decide to give up quick if you live far enough and don't die by suspicious means.