I would have the perfect life if someone just loved me

[orangepotato]

I just got a nice high-paying software dev job $100k/year, I've got ~ $200K to my name, and I'm looking for houses to rent or maybe even buy in upstate New York. I have a lot of interests and consider myself pretty intelligent. My life would be perfect right now if I just had a girl who loved me. Instead I'm planning my suicide. I don't understand why a homeless wife beater can find love but I can't. I don't even really consider myself that bad looking. I just don't understand. I hate this society. If a girl loved me I would cherish her so much, but instead they go for dicks who cheat on them. A girl's love would've saved my life.

 

[orangepotato]

Anyway, I'm going to kill myself in March which makes me wonder if I should even bother moving... I'm probably going to donate my money to charity.

 

[Smart No More]

My friend, you have every reason to have hope of finding somebody to love you. I get why you feel the way you do and I definitely see your perplexed response to girls choosing utter dick heads over people who would do right by them. However, you could still find somebody with a little help in the right direction. Easy for me to say, I know but totally true! Maybe looking in the right place or more importantly not looking in the wrong places is a factor. Also consider what you want in somebody.

You have options, I promise!

Something you really must consider though is that you can't hang your life on a relationship when you find it. That will put too much pressure on a girl and would understandably push them away before anything begins because who wants that on their consience.

I think there's possibly a little bit of work to do. Maybe some self exploration and some guidance from the right place and you could have what youe after.

I sincerely apologise if this patronising. I only have that post to go on so don't know anything more about you but just by your post I'm scared that you're just a couple of months work away from having what you want and it would be such a waste of potential for you to end it without just giving it that last push.

Girls are actually relatively easy to navigate once you tell yourself it doesn't matter. Those girls who go for the bad giys are often idiots and would be bad for you down the line if you got with them. They don't deserve you. I think you need somebody to help you realise your self worth. On your salery you could hire a relationship coach (just make sure it's not some dick head who's full of shit and you could look into pick up artists. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't condone pick up artist as a rule but and it's a big but, there it would help you understand women better. So what I'm suggesting to to study from them without actually practicing their methods. Just to help you get your head around dating and female psyche in general. There's nothing wrong with wanting to treat a woman well. That is of course a good thing. You can't worship at their feet though. Particularly at the start. It's a total turn off because it takes all the dating out of it. They have to urn your love and you theirs. It's a two way thing and if you give it all up in the hopes of gaining ground with a girl it will have the opposite result. Again, I may be being patronising but it is a really common mistake with guys who really want a relationship.

All this is basically to say I wish for better for you and think you could have it. :)

 

[orangepotato]

Something you really must consider though is that you can't hang your life on a relationship when you find it. That will put too much pressure on a girl and would understandably push them away before anything begins because who wants that on their consience.

I really don't understand why people think this. I'm not asking for much. Literally all she has to do is show me love - that's it. I'm not asking her to climb Mt Everest. I probably have even less demands than most boyfriends would. I really wish I was still naive enough to believe the rest of what you said. I did at one point.

 

[LonelyBrazilian]

I totally relate to you, except for having a nice high-paying job since I'm a NEET

 

[Smart No More]

I really don't understand why people think this. I'm not asking for much. Literally all she has to do is show me love - that's it. I'm not asking her to climb Mt Everest. I probably have even less demands than most boyfriends would. I really wish I was still naive enough to believe the rest of what you said. I did at one point.

Because love has to come naturally not at ransom. From a girls perspective at the very least. It may be a logic you need a little time to settle into. I really think you would benefit massively from sharing your thoughts on the matter with a professional of some kind. I swear, once it clicks you'll wonder why you ever felt the way you do right now. End of the day you have nothing to lose by giving it a try at this point right?

I'm on your side btw. Hope you don't think I'm being argumentative.

 

[motyxia]

I can't relate a lot to your specific situation, but I can relate to the general thing that I'd not CTB if there was someone that loved me. Life wouldn't be perfect for me but if I had a husband, things would be so much better & I'd stick around for him. I don't deserve love though. It feels really embarrassing to admit this. I wish people weren't so quick to judge others over this kind of thing. Almost everyone needs to feel loved, lots of people can't live (happily) without it. I don't think you're asking for too much.

 

[rs929]

You're depressed and feel lonely. This desperation is noticed by the girls and it's a major turn off. This rejection boosts your depression, which in turn makes you even more needy and therefore rejected

If you have decent looks and money, all you need is to work on your social skills, and "game" (looks some PUA's forums), and if you can't be confident at least act as if you were. Never tell any girl about your suicidal depression, EVER.

You can be loved by girls but wishful thinking won't work, you need dedication

I recommend listening to Rollo Tomassi. His book The Rational Male is a great start too

 

[UnemployedMD]

Have you had relationships before? A lot of people especially men feel like they are stuck like this but have never even tried. You can start with a dating app. There are plenty of women who feel the same way you do about this and they shouldn't be hard to find especially in a place like NY.

For what it's worth I am probably also going to ctb in March (interesting coincidence) but there is no reason for you to not make the most of the time you have left if experiencing a relationship and companionship is something you are longing for. Who knows, if all goes well maybe it will make you no longer want to ctb.

 

[orangepotato]

If you have decent looks and money, all you need is to work on your social skills, and "game" (looks some PUA's forums), and if you can't be confident at least act as if you were. Never tell any girl about your suicidal depression, EVER.

TBH the whole "game" thing makes me lose respect for the female gender. Why do I have to play these bullshit games? Why can't I just be myself? I'm a pretty awesome person. I wish I didn't have to jump through hoops to make people realize this.

And yes I know to never mention depression to girls. I wish I could be honest, but girls don't like that. Girls are very superficial. You need to lie about your mental health to get anywhere.

 

[rs929]

TBH the whole "game" thing makes me lose respect for the female gender. Why do I have to play these bullshit games? Why can't I just be myself? I'm a pretty awesome person. I wish I didn't have to jump through hoops to make people realize this.

And yes I know to never mention depression to girls. I wish I could be honest, but girls don't like that. Girls are very superficial. You need to lie about your mental health to get anywhere.

There's a lot of stigma on mental health by society aa a whole, not just female gender

Whether you can be loved as you are... I don't know. Maybe. But women, specially hot women, have tons of options. if you show them the worse aspects of yourself, they'll quickly turn you down. You need to work on your presentation card, and you need to be SEXY

I think you just need to come to terms with female nature, learn about it, accept it , and you'll be spinning plates in no time

 

[orangepotato]

I am an awesome person, I am sweet, caring, interesting, well read, intelligent, a good earner and provider, etc., etc., I'm just sad that I have to go through these stupid charades for women to even give me a chance. I wish that I could approach them as equals, but I can't. If a girl with my traits approached me I would love her in a heartbeat. I wouldn't mind that she struggled with depression, I would try to love her even more. But girls don't think the way I do.

 

[Apricity]

I am an awesome person, I am sweet, caring, interesting, well read, intelligent, a good earner and provider, etc., etc., I'm just sad that I have to go through these stupid charades for women to even give me a chance. I wish that I could approach them as equals, but I can't. If a girl with my traits approached me I would love her in a heartbeat. I wouldn't mind that she struggled with depression, I would try to love her even more. But girls don't think the way I do.

Nobody wants to be lonely. It's a shitty feeling. What's worse though is falling in love then having your heart ripped out.
Better to have loved and lost than not at all? I disagree. I am biased though. I wish you luck in finding someone, hopefully she's a good one.

 

[Smart No More]

I am an awesome person, I am sweet, caring, interesting, well read, intelligent, a good earner and provider, etc., etc., I'm just sad that I have to go through these stupid charades for women to even give me a chance. I wish that I could approach them as equals, but I can't. If a girl with my traits approached me I would love her in a heartbeat. I wouldn't mind that she struggled with depression, I would try to love her even more. But girls don't think the way I do.

You can approach women as equals. That is the only way you should approach them. Id thate not workkng then you're either meeting the wrong people or you're overlooking something. Either way, there has to be a period of getting to know one another before love shows its face. Consider it thw same as making friends. It is exactly the same except you have the addwd factors sureounding bumping uglies and that adds another dimension to things. It's teue to say that the more decent people on the planet appear to be outnumbered by the less decent so it's highly unlikely foe any of us to find what we're looking for first time around so that mean coming to terms with being rejected and having to reject. Obviously we don't know how many times you've attempted to find somebody or make feiends for that matter but I'm throwing it out there for consideration.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

Anyway, I'm going to kill myself in March which makes me wonder if I should even bother moving... I'm probably going to donate my money to charity.

I didn't know how to respond to your original post in this thread. Seems to me that mentioning today how lonely you are carries a heavy risk of being pounced upon as a proto-criminal. Minimally, someone's always present to remind you that you're not entitled to kindness-companionship-others' time (as if you'd claimed otherwise)... So it seems a lot of people who suffer from this particular kind of loneliness (what I've read a doctor who was describing how she saw medicine evolve since the 90's as "skin hunger") have no recourse but either to suffer alone in silence or, somehow, come upon the solution to their problem. Like you, I think my exit is imminent and am reluctant to waste the effort moving. I despise my surroundings but can't muster up the energy to pack/arrange shipping/drive to a new state/clean a rental house or apartment/set up utilities... I can't fathom how other deeply suicidal people justify working so hard in support of something they abhor.

Anyway, just wanted to send some support. Hoping the best for you.

 

[motel rooms]

I am an awesome person, I am sweet, caring, interesting, well read, intelligent, a good earner and provider, etc., etc., I'm just sad that I have to go through these stupid charades for women to even give me a chance. I wish that I could approach them as equals, but I can't. If a girl with my traits approached me I would love her in a heartbeat. I wouldn't mind that she struggled with depression, I would try to love her even more. But girls don't think the way I do.

Do you really struggle with depression just because you can't get a woman to like you? Everything else about your life is really as great as you say it is?

But girls don't think the way I do.

How do all the str8 girls think, as opposed to all the str8 boys? What do they all have against you?

 

[LonelyBrazilian]

I really feel sad seeing some responses from this thread and similar threads. There's always some response saying to learn the "PUA game", "just be confident bro" or some comment saying "are you sad just because you can't get a girl?"

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

I really feel sad seeing some responses from this thread and similar threads. There's always some response saying to learn the "PUA game", "just be confident bro" or some comment saying "are you sad just because you can't get a girl?"

You'd think communities who share being suicidal for many reasons would all be far gentler with and supportive of each other. Oh well.

 

[motel rooms]

"are you sad just because you can't get a girl?"

What's wrong & unsupportive about asking OP if he really struggles with depression just because he can't get a woman to like him? It's kind of strange that a man who supposedly doesn't have low self-esteem, isn't ugly & has plenty of money can't find a woman who would be interested in him
@FTL.Wanderer

 

[Smart No More]

FWIW I'm not a fan of "PUA game" I just think it offers a good insight into psychology in general and is useful in that sense. I agree that you shouldn't have to "game" girls. I actually think it's disrespectful to women. There is an art to flirting though and that's what I was refering to when I mentioned social cues.

Either way, assuming all girls are superficial indicates you're meeting the wrong girls. It's fine to tell them about your mental health but maybe don't lead with it. Or maybe search for girls that suffer similar issues and can relate.

 

[motel rooms]

or some comment saying "are you sad just because you can't get a girl?"

God forbid someone should ask a question to encourage OP to dig a little deeper. Let's all tell him that all women are superficial, that none of them can relate to him & that he should kill himself... That's incredibly healthy & supportive. @FTL.Wanderer

 

[orangepotato]

What's wrong & unsupportive about asking OP if he really struggles with depression just because he can't get a woman to like him? It's kind of strange that a man who supposedly doesn't have low self-esteem, isn't ugly & has plenty of money can't find a woman who would be interested in him
@FTL.Wanderer

Well, it's true. I think that I'd be an awesome boyfriend if a girl just gave me a chance, but no one wants to. If a girl did I'd treat her like a queen. I'd give her presents, I'd travel with her anywhere she wants, I'd let her know every day that I love her. I don't even ask for much in return - just love. If any girl wants me I am right here and will probably date you unless you're like morbidly obese or something. No one wants me because I'm "desperate" - apparently wanting love really bad means you don't deserve any love. Like that makes any god damn sense. If any girl took a chance on a "desperate" guy like me I'd definitely make it worth it for her. Just accepting me for who I am would already be a huge turn-on for me.

 

[Trueform]

TBH the whole "game" thing makes me lose respect for the female gender. Why do I have to play these bullshit games? Why can't I just be myself? I'm a pretty awesome person. I wish I didn't have to jump through hoops to make people realize this.

And yes I know to never mention depression to girls. I wish I could be honest, but girls don't like that. Girls are very superficial. You need to lie about your mental health to get anywhere.

Love is not real anyways, she will divorce rape you and take all your money and dump you. You are better off alone, always. Companionships are overrated.

 

[I'm Darkness]

You have what all normal people in this society pursue but somehow nobody want to be with you. There's might be a problem but not with people surrounding you or society but with yourself. Change your attitude.

 

[motel rooms]

Well, it's true. I think that I'd be an awesome boyfriend if a girl just gave me a chance, but no one wants to. If a girl did I'd treat her like a queen. I'd give her presents, I'd travel with her anywhere she wants, I'd let her know every day that I love her. I don't even ask for much in return - just love. If any girl wants me I am right here and will probably date you unless you're like morbidly obese or something. No one wants me because I'm "desperate" - apparently wanting love really bad means you don't deserve any love. Like that makes any god damn sense. If any girl took a chance on a "desperate" guy like me I'd definitely make it worth it for her. Just accepting me for who I am would already be a huge turn-on for me.

Desperate... I hope you don't tell a woman you'll treat her like a queen & buy her anything if she takes a chance on you on the first date or something

 

[rs929]

I really feel sad seeing some responses from this thread and similar threads. There's always some response saying to learn the "PUA game", "just be confident bro" or some comment saying "are you sad just because you can't get a girl?"

Yes we can circle jerk all night long about how women are bad and it's they fault because they don't love us and there's nothing to do because they want CHAD. Or actually make ourselves lovable, learn social skills, learn to handle rejection, learn seduction, pursue hobbies, and a lot or things that provide behavioral activation for getting out of depression AND stop being lonely and begin having success finding a romantic partner.

Supporting someone is not equal to making a cult of our shared misery.

Greetings from Argentina.

 

[Laddydragon]

I don't even have great advice sorry If I offend but you're worthy of love you for sure will get love in some way but if all you do is rely on a girls love what happens if things go wrong you just go back to square one I feel.. I've been there so maybe this is just me being stupid but it was more so with one sided friendships where I'd put in more effort it isn't worth it you need to make sure to love yourself enough you don't need a girl to stop you from ctb I mean at least get half way there so you can feel somewhat alive trust me the girl is out there but you also need to make sure you're able to regulate yourself last thing you want is to love someone so much they reject you when you need them most that has happened to lots of people so just be careful in whatever your choice is good luck..

 

[rs929]

Well, it's true. I think that I'd be an awesome boyfriend if a girl just gave me a chance, but no one wants to. If a girl did I'd treat her like a queen. I'd give her presents, I'd travel with her anywhere she wants, I'd let her know every day that I love her. I don't even ask for much in return - just love. If any girl wants me I am right here and will probably date you unless you're like morbidly obese or something. No one wants me because I'm "desperate" - apparently wanting love really bad means you don't deserve any love. Like that makes any god damn sense. If any girl took a chance on a "desperate" guy like me I'd definitely make it worth it for her. Just accepting me for who I am would already be a huge turn-on for me.

The problem with being desperate and "wanting love really bad" is that it shows you're not getting it. Any potential love interest will assume therefore that if you're not getting any love, something must be really wrong with you. That's enough to make you unattractive.

Finding a soulmate is possible but it's a long journey that starts with you having lots of sex.

Now, be careful of heartbreak because it could be much worse than where you are now.

 

[PeacefulTonic]

I am an awesome person, I am sweet, caring, interesting, well read, intelligent, a good earner and provider, etc., etc., I'm just sad that I have to go through these stupid charades for women to even give me a chance. I wish that I could approach them as equals, but I can't. If a girl with my traits approached me I would love her in a heartbeat. I wouldn't mind that she struggled with depression, I would try to love her even more. But girls don't think the way I do.

You need to change your mindset. Ctb over not being able to get a girl? Like many others in this thread, you sound too desperate. There's lots of good advice in this thread.
For what it's worth, I never liked the whole pick up artist crap either, but you gotta do what you gotta do. Read some books or articles on the internet about pickup and female psychology. As cliche as it sounds, don't hate the player, hate the game. The women you most likely want, have tons of options. Women don't like nice guys who would do anything for them the moment they first meet them

TBH the whole "game" thing makes me lose respect for the female gender. Why do I have to play these bullshit games? Why can't I just be myself? I'm a pretty awesome person. I wish I didn't have to jump through hoops to make people realize this.

And yes I know to never mention depression to girls. I wish I could be honest, but girls don't like that. Girls are very superficial. You need to lie about your mental health to get anywhere.

Most women, and people in general, have a shit ton of their own problems. They want someone confident and someone they can lean on. Opening up with mental health problems will be an instant turn off. You can save the deeper, personal issues for later

 

[PeacefulTonic]

Well, it's true. I think that I'd be an awesome boyfriend if a girl just gave me a chance, but no one wants to. If a girl did I'd treat her like a queen. I'd give her presents, I'd travel with her anywhere she wants, I'd let her know every day that I love her. I don't even ask for much in return - just love. If any girl wants me I am right here and will probably date you unless you're like morbidly obese or something. No one wants me because I'm "desperate" - apparently wanting love really bad means you don't deserve any love. Like that makes any god damn sense. If any girl took a chance on a "desperate" guy like me I'd definitely make it worth it for her. Just accepting me for who I am would already be a huge turn-on for me.

Learn female psychology, develop your personality. Date around a lot before settling. Find someone who you can really connect with, you'll regret it otherwise. If you want to just shower a woman with gifts and travel anywhere she wants, might as well just be a sugar daddy