I wish to be free

[Krossクロス]

Everyday my desire to continue on dims. My enthusiasm for my passions in life have long left me. I am no longer happy without bottles.of wine or cannibis. Everyday i sit in the woods, I try to work up the strength to commit "Seppuku" (A style of suicide in feudal Japan). In hopes that I can atone for my past mistakes. I am 32 and a loser truly. I have had people laugh at me my entire life. They laugh or they hate me for my appearance, the way I talk, my interests, etc. My stepfather always told me i was no good and I will be nothing but a failure. The negativity overpowers the positive. No matter how many times i talk to someone about it...in the end, I am stuck with the same feelings of misery, loneliness, guilt, sadness, anger and anxiety. People discourage suicide or the thought of it simply becauze they cannot comprehend how empty a soul can feel in a world that is feels it doesn't belong. I simply hope one day I am strong enough to free myself from torment. Or find something truly magical in this world for me to continue in sucj a cesspool.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

If I commit sudoku I'll do the women's version.

 

[EOL4ME]

Same story here on almost all points - I fully understand.

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm really sorry you're feeling like this, dear.

I used to drink alcohol every single day because it was the only thing that brought me joy but in the end, it didn't work anymore and my health just got worse.

My best advice for you would be to find a "healthy hobby" and things might get better. In my case, it was learning japanese.

Easier said than done, I know. You probably think there's nothing which can bring you joy anymore but just keep on looking. After all, it's the only thing we can do if we're still stuck on this blue rock.

Hugs and love,

Matt

 

[Bedrock48]

I'm so sorry you're struggling to find and hold onto purpose in this world. I too wish to be free but it's such a hard thing to do. The woods seems a magical and beautiful place to be, do you find any healing in nature?

Best wishes

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand how you feel, I feel as if I have no purpose in this world, in a way I have already died inside. People can be cruel and this can cause our mind to fill up with negative emotions. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. People who haven't been suicidal themselves will simply never understand. I see permanent peace better than decades filled with suffering.

 

[suicidesheep31]

Sorry that you have difficulties to work and interact with people. I can relate to the fact that most of my colleagues are happy and I don't understand how they can be. I am lucky towork right now. But I find difficult to deal with this kind of people. Yes. I also have the feeling that you need somehow to pretend that you are happy to get a job and belong there. It is a part of the game. You can still pretend for some times and do whzt you want after. The shift between people can be huge and I am sorry for that... HUGS