I wish my broken heart would explode

[downndone2]

I wish my broken heart would kill me
But so far, I just keep waking up to the same dreaded nightmare every day
I cannot ctb this year and even if I could there is no N to be found.
I have a lot of insulin but know it is high failure rate to ctb.
I have some opiates and a shit ton of propanolol but again the failure rate.
I do recall seeing a show about a guy that poisoned their spouse with nicotine. The process from what I recall is not terrible to do. I wonder if this is an option and the peacefulness. Also would probably not be found on autopsy.
In all reality, I just wish my broken heart would explode already. I have some heart valve issues, am not taking medication for it, eating quite poorly, and smoking like a freight train to speed up the process.
Sorry for the long rant

 

[wljourney]

I am so sorry you are in so much pain.

Yes, nicotine poisoning is possible. However if you are a smoker you'll need a higher dose.

None of this is easy.
Neither living nor dying.
I just wish we could all find at least a few hours of calm, without pain, every day to catch a breath.
May today be one of those days for you.

 

[DPJ187]

I know the pain. I've just lost my last chance, my only hope. I have nothing left, it's happened and everyone is gone. I miss my partner, I miss my son. I miss my life. It's broken beyond repair, I need to CTB before my mind completely goes. I can feel it coming like the onset of a fatal disease, I'm infected, my mind is done, I dont want to get better, only to check out peacefully.

 

[CommitSudoku]

I wish my heart would just give out too. It's certainly been hurt more than enough. It's incredibly sad to consider to keep living like this for years. I think I'll only be trying to fill holes in me just to exist unbearably. I'm sorry you and others are dealing with this pain and reality. I wish we could all find peace and happiness. Best wishes whatever you decide to do.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Despair is a persistent bitch that, once with you, envelops your entire being, sucking the life out of you bit by bit.

 

[jimmy7754]

I wouldn't wish this feeling I have on anybody.

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be so unbearable what you are going through. I'm sorry that you are suffering so much. I understand being desperate to leave this world. Living really is so painful. I hope you find relief from your pain in whatever happens.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

It would be merciful