I wish I could just sit here and turn to dust

[FakePlasticTrees]

My life is never going to get better but I'm never going to be able to actually end it. Every time I emerge from my escapism and distractions to face how lonely and miserable and unfix-able I am, I go about planning and/or attempting. And every time I either back out or make a half-hearted attempt that fails. I then return to my distractions. Sometimes I'll even go back to therapy. And then it comes full-circle. I have my method and plan for this weekend but I have zero confidence in myself anymore. What am I supposed to do when suicide was my answer for giving up on life, but now I'm also giving up on suicide it seems? I really have to succeed this time because I'll have nothing to turn to

 

[Julgran]

Well, you can sit there and turn to dust, but it will take an excruciatingly long time to do so, so I would advise against it.

On a serious note, though - I find your feeling of anxiety relatable.

Do you feel like there's something in your life - besides this type of anxiety - that's holding you back from ending your life?

 

[Crazy4u]

before ctb, give yourself time to evaluate and understand the situation. Do you really want to ctb? don't say yes right away. Think about it. No attempt is better than half hearted attempt. I wish you the best

 

[FuneralCry]

I know that suicide is the right thing for me and it is the only thing that makes sense for me, but yet I feel trapped here. For me there, is the fear of failure and lack of reliable way to exit. I understand it can be a hopeless, dreadful feeling. More than anything I wish it was easier to leave. I'm sorry you are going through this. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[G_Man]

Man, I really identified with what you are going through. It is like a cycle. Distracting myself to ignore my problems, trying to take my life, sleeping, and then doing it all over again. Sometimes I just hesitate, sometimes I fail miserably, and sometimes I don't even try out of laziness.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I am similarly inert

 

[Lost Magic]

like Thanos then. That would be perfect tbh

 

[Depressed Cat]

I understand what you're going through because I face a similar situation with my major depressive disorder.

CTB is something you can do successfully only once. You have to be in the right frame of mind to attempt it. If you're having doubts about it or are not in the right frame of mind, then don't do it.

Think carefully about whether you're indeed in the right frame of mind and really want to CTB. Whatever you choose, I wish you the best.

 

[Zzzzz]

May you find peace, one way or another. Life is not for everyone.

 

[DisillusionedDragon]

It's so horrible how we are all brought into this world without our asking and how for some it turns out to be like a torturous lifelong prison sentence. I hope that I can escape, but I'm far from sure that I can make it.