if a ctb hotel room is most of my savings is it still worth it?

[eggsausagerice]

i feel anxious at the thought of buying a hotel since i have pretty much no way to get the money back if my attempt fails or if i back out. i've been trying to make extra money by selling stuff but i don't have a lot of things to sell. half the stuff i own is my sister's. i'm also worried about selling things that are important to me and not being able to get them back. i collect things as a hobby, but i would be sad if i started selling even more of the things i own.

i've been thinking about how i could kill myself in my sister's bathroom or closet because she moved out, but i don't know if i should do that or go into the woods like i've been planning. i know i'll never have enough money to be able to comfortably afford a hotel without a job, so i just feel strange having to think about it over and over again. i kind of feel like a pansy for spending so much time deliberating when it's been 3 months with my sn in my closet now. i wish i wasn't here still thinking about it.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

The way you talk about losing your belongings bothering you kind of implies that you aren't 100% ready to die. Because most people that are very sure of their decision to ctb don't really care what happens to their stuff as their certain they will be gone. You could just be scared of failing, although that's pretty unlikely if you take sn correctly. Just know that your death doesn't have to be rushed at all. Even if you are suffering a lot, dying is the most grave thing a human could do. It should be well planned and thought through. Death will always await you no matter what, so don't worry about having to ctb the right way immediately. Much love to you.

 

[eggsausagerice]

The way you talk about losing your belongings bothering you kind of implies that you aren't 100% ready to die. Because most people that are very sure of their decision to ctb don't really care what happens to their stuff as their certain they will be gone. You could just be scared of failing, although that's pretty unlikely if you take sn correctly.

i guess i'm always worried about being the unlucky few. i mostly want my sister or my friends to be able to own my things that i cherish. i'd be more depressed than i already am if i didn't have the things i've collected over the years.

 

[dearlydeparted44]

If you can do it in a hotel room, do it. Personally, I held off on my ctb because I would've had to do it in my friend's house. There's a kid present. I would feel like a total piece of shit if I did that to them. At least at a hotel, you won't know the person who finds your body. They're not really going to care either. They'll be shocked, but they won't be traumatized. They'll report it to their manager, who'll call the coroner's office to take the body away. Then, they'll tell their friends and family about it, and go on with their lives.

So, for me, it's worth it if you don't have a place of your own. I can understand not wanting to do it outside in the woods. Nature will treat your body very harshly, if you're concerned about that.

 

[eggsausagerice]

So, for me, it's worth it if you don't have a place of your own. I can understand not wanting to do it outside in the woods. Nature will treat your body very harshly, if you're concerned about that.

i just hate the heat and humidity when i'm out in the woods during the summer. last june the air felt thick and muggy, like i was walking through mud. i think that i'll buy the cheapest hotel i can find in my area once i do decide on my ctb date. it's just rough looking through the reviews of so many trashy motels. that's one of the reasons i put off my suicide date to have a bigger budget.

 

[logar]

If you feel truly set on it and ready, then yeah, go for it. I'm also afraid of the consequences of messing really any part of the CTB process up, but I'm sure that's a normal thing for anyone going through suicidal ideation. Personally, having a plan that is well thought out + a good method available, would exponentially increase my confidence in killing myself. Death is not something that should be rushed, so make sure you really take your time to think about how you want to do it, and how sure you truly are that you want to CTB.
Wishing the absolute best for you and I hope you can find a way out of this suffering :)

 

[permanently tired]

I booked a night in one when I was 18, my haphazard plan did not work. All I had was a long piece of paracord. I tried to hang myself in the closet, but the cord was too thin and sawed at my skin. I had attempted partial hanging at the time, but if I were to try hanging again, I'd go for full suspension and a thicker rope. I ended up blowing all money I ended up booking several more nights in succession and then a series of events later I ended up at a shelter. When I failed my last attempt abt 3 yrs ago I broke down in a convenience store after walking away from the from a cold winter bridge when a worker there told me to leave.

I haven't recalled these events in quite some time. All I can say is life is a lonely endeavor and it will not only be financially costly, but failing is emotionally devastating. Good luck, plan accordingly and prepare yourself in every way.

 

[eggsausagerice]

I booked a night in one when I was 18, my haphazard plan did not work. All I had was a long piece of paracord. I tried to hang myself in the closet, but the cord was too thin and sawed at my skin. I had attempted partial hanging at the time, but if I were to try hanging again, I'd go for full suspension and a thicker rope. I ended up blowing all money I ended up booking several more nights in succession and then a series of events later I ended up at a shelter. When I failed my last attempt abt 3 yrs ago I broke down in a convenience store after walking away from the from a cold winter bridge when a worker there told me to leave.

i really feel for you reading this. i can imagine myself going through the same thing if i had enough money to buy a hotel. i might've booked myself a room if i was still enrolled in college, but i didn't become severely depressed until i dropped out and lost all hope of my life improving. i spent a lot of money on ubers to the forest, driving and from them. i thought about flinging myself off the fred hartman bridge in houston and tried to arrange it with suicide partners on sasu. i thought about glugging ethylene glycol in my room (antifreeze) and hoping it would kill me. the only reason i didn't want to do a risky method is because i couldn't afford to fail and spend more money on a hospital bill.

i'm still flip flopping between doing it in my parent's house and ruining it for them or doing it in the woods even though i would be scared, since i hate being in the woods at night. the thing i'm most afraid of is taking back home when i thought i was going to kill myself. i haven't going out to the woods in a while because i only go if i plan on attempting.

 

[PanaxMan]

i feel anxious at the thought of buying a hotel since i have pretty much no way to get the money back if my attempt fails or if i back out. i've been trying to make extra money by selling stuff but i don't have a lot of things to sell. half the stuff i own is my sister's. i'm also worried about selling things that are important to me and not being able to get them back. i collect things as a hobby, but i would be sad if i started selling even more of the things i own.

i've been thinking about how i could kill myself in my sister's bathroom or closet because she moved out, but i don't know if i should do that or go into the woods like i've been planning. i know i'll never have enough money to be able to comfortably afford a hotel without a job, so i just feel strange having to think about it over and over again. i kind of feel like a pansy for spending so much time deliberating when it's been 3 months with my sn in my closet now. i wish i wasn't here still thinking about it.

Most likely not I would rather take a break from work itself and become homeless then spend all of my money on something that most likely isn't going to work unless you got ur hands on drugs or a firearm.