I wish I could CTB now

[boc]

I have plans to CTB in a few months after covid is done and I can move out of my parents place. I can't do it right now because I wouldn't want my parents to find me.
But I so have the genuine desire and courage to do it now. I'm worried I won't be able to go through with it in a few months when the circumstances align. I truly and rationally want to CTB.

 

[whitegardenia]

I feel you, I wouldn't want my parents finding me either I'm also waiting to move out or maybe in a motel or something. if you don't mind my asking how would you ctb? i can't find myself settling on a method

 

[boc]

planning on N. I have money saved up for it. Just waiting until I move out. Seems to be the best method if money isn't an issue.

 

[Seiba]

I live with my mother, the way I see it is parents fundamentally allow the child to experience wanting to kill themselves by letting them be born and it can be argued should bear it more so than strangers who had nothing to do with you. Though, just for practical reasons it's obviously better for it to not to be in the same household as parents to prevent a failed attempt. If you have a few months that should be a while to truly think if you want to rationally leave or not, do you know why you are worried about not truly be able to leave? Survival instinct related?

 

[boc]

I live with my mother, the way I see it is parents fundamentally allow the child to experience wanting to kill themselves by letting them be born and it can be argued should bear it more so than strangers who had nothing to do with you. Though, just for practical reasons it's obviously better for it to not to be in the same household as parents to prevent a failed attempt. If you have a few months that should be a while to truly think if you want to rationally leave or not, do you know why you are worried about not truly be able to leave? Survival instinct related?

I've wanted to leave for a long time and have a history with suicidal ideation. But I could never bring myself to follow through. I've come through a tough patch right now which has helped me build up the courage that I truly believe I could follow through on if the circumstances were more suitable. I don't think my desire to ctb will ever leave, but the courage could wane in the months to come.

I don't want my parents to find me more out of consideration for them. I don't want to put that on my family, even if they are a contributing factor to my decision.

 

[Seiba]

I've wanted to leave for a long time and have a history with suicidal ideation. But I could never bring myself to follow through. I've come through a tough patch right now which has helped me build up the courage that I truly believe I could follow through on if the circumstances were more suitable. I don't think my desire to ctb will ever leave, but the courage could wane in the months to come.

I don't want my parents to find me more out of consideration for them. I don't want to put that on my family, even if they are a contributing factor to my decision.

Yeah, I just want to make it perfectly clear the family thing wasn't a suggestion for your case -- just my personal thoughts on the matter but I can understand reading it again that I might have came off as insensitive to your situation. The courage waning isn't really much I can comment on since it's fundamentally so personal to you and I can't really predict if the courage will wane or not.

 

[FuneralCry]

I know how you feel, my parents would get in the way if I tried to do it, and I would probably fail. It is hard to take our lives, it can depend on many variables and it does depend on the SI and courage. I wish you well.