executioner1983
death is sustainable
- Oct 2, 2023
- 84
I was tested. By God. And I failed. I don't know absolutely but there's almost no way I didn't. I am a horrible person. I put the people I love at risk. I put a sweet little boy at risk. I may have done irreparable harm. I don't know. I don't know anything. I've never been religious but I feel like getting down on my knees and begging God. I've asked for so many chances; and I got them, I actually got them. But I keep making terrible decisions. I thought I could do this. I thought maybe I could bend the truth, come out on top. And I did; I did come out on top. But I piled so many people below me in the process. I played with fire, and I got fucking scorched. I guess this is really the end. The end all of end alls. I'm finally being pushed to the very edge. I was always here, but I was never going to jump, never. I'm a coward. I needed coaxing. And that is exactly what I got. I can almost feel that sweet angel of death calling me towards her. I want so badly to rest beneath her soft black wings and forget about all of this. I'm going to buy that plane ticket and run away like I've always wanted. Then after a week or so, I'll turn up dead in a ditch somewhere. I'll finally get my sweet release. One last trip to see the world, the natural world, or rather what's left of it. I've always hated how modernized everything is. Always hated how much my existence spoils the Earth. I'm going back to tradition, I'm upholding my core values, I'll be surrounded by endless miles of untouched land when I do it. This is her last gift to me. Sweet angel of death, I'm only sorry for making you wait so long.
