Venting I want to do it but I don't

[.............]

I've confirmed that the SN I could potentially buy is 99%. I found a place to get antiemetics, paracetamol, and an antacid. I even have chosen the candy I want to eat just so the taste of everything won't make me cry. Everything would be approximately $16 (including shipping, but could be less if I bought during some sort of megasale event) and I wouldn't get into any trouble because SN isn't much of a known method where I live. I'm literally in the perfect situation and could end it. Everything could be over ASAP within 3-5 business days or whatever. Fuck, I literally want things to be over soon. I can't stand everything anymore.

But as I type this, and I have everything ready to order, I just can't bring myself to do it. I don't know why anymore. I know I'm a burden to everyone around me. I despise myself and every inch of my being. I want to be over and gone, but ordering everything I need is way harder than it sounds. Why is it so hard?

 

[FuneralCry]

Suicide can be very difficult because of the survival instinct and it can be hard to let go of life as this existence is all we know after all. I am sorry that you are suffering so much to get to this point. I know it can be awful when you do not want to live, yet you feel as though you are trapped in this life. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[.............]

Suicide can be very difficult because of the survival instinct and it can be hard to let go of life as this existence is all we know after all. I am sorry that you are suffering so much to get to this point. I know it can be awful when you do not want to live, yet you feel as though you are trapped in this life. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

Thank you. I'm at least glad to be validated that finding suicide hard isn't abnormal.

 

[CommitSudoku]

"Everything could be over ASAP within 3-5 business days or whatever" this is very appealing to me.

I'm very biased at this moment but I'd try to see all the supplies as a backup that you could get but have no obligation to use. I'd love to know I had an easy method to try that would very likely work waiting for when I needed it. And for me, fear that everything you need may get harder to get would propel me to get it now while it's an option. That's just me personally. Make sure to check your sources since the whole, "if it sounds too good to be true, then it probably is."

I wish I knew why it was so hard, or why it has to be so painful and drawn out. Perhaps you still have some things you'd like to work through or try, it's okay to take your time really since this is something major. I wish you the best whatever you decide to do.

 

[.............]

"Everything could be over ASAP within 3-5 business days or whatever" this is very appealing to me.

I'm very biased at this moment but I'd try to see all the supplies as a backup that you could get but have no obligation to use. I'd love to know I had an easy method to try that would very likely work waiting for when I needed it. And for me, fear that everything you need may get harder to get would propel me to get it now while it's an option. That's just me personally. Make sure to check your sources since the whole, "if it sounds too good to be true, then it probably is."

I wish I knew why it was so hard, or why it has to be so painful and drawn out. Perhaps you still have some things you'd like to work through or try, it's okay to take your time really since this is something major. I wish you the best whatever you decide to do.

Thank you for this. Everything I plan to get is from pretty reliable websites so I'm not too afraid in that department, so maybe just having them lying around would actually be a good idea. Also I appreciate what you've said. I wish the best for you too!