I want to be numb in life and death

[thinkkank]

I want to tune out my landlord. I want to tune out my roommate. I want to tune out my boss. I want to tune out my co-workers. I want to be absolutely numb until the day I exit. When I exit I just want everything to slowly turn black, no feeling whatsoever.
I'm really considering getting into pills. I just need to turn my body and brain off. I want to still function, do day-to-day things, but I want to be in a haze. No anxiety, no anger, just a haze

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I want to tune out my landlord. I want to tune out my roommate. I want to tune out my boss. I want to tune out my co-workers. I want to be absolutely numb until the day I exit. When I exit I just want everything to slowly turn black, no feeling whatsoever.
I'm really considering getting into pills. I just need to turn my body and brain off. I want to still function, do day-to-day things, but I want to be in a haze. No anxiety, no anger, just a haze

Sounds ideal

 

[...]

i've flirted with the idea of alcoholism but i know i don't have the stomach lining for it

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

i've flirted with the idea of alcoholism but i know i don't have the stomach lining for it

Would probably take years to kill you…

 

[...]

Would probably take years to kill you…

i mean to get me through the days in a haze as opposed to actually being the way to ctb

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you would want to be this way, it is painful to feel too much. A part of me wishes I could be completely numb, as there is no escape from the feelings of dread and hopelessness. The only thing that makes me feel better is thinking about my death.