I'm just venting. I am hanging on for another few months - for mainly logistical reasons.
But what I want the most is for my right to die to be respected. For people to listen when I say I am suffering and I don't want to carry on suffering much longer.
I want to be dead.
I want the people I love to know I love them. I also want them to respect that what I want is to be dead.
Even feeling marginally better or even quite a bit better for the past week - rTMS has helped me - this is still suffering. I don't want to suffer. I have done so many years of it. I am tired of looking for some magic cure. Why should I get better when so many people do not. There is no magic cure with my name on it.
I spent all day throwing every pill at myself that ever helped - and nothing is helping. I can't make myself functional with anything. I am fighting bullying at the moment, but I don't have the strength as I am not functional enough to pull everything together for the fight.
But what I want the most is for my right to die to be respected. For people to listen when I say I am suffering and I don't want to carry on suffering much longer.
I want to be dead.
I want the people I love to know I love them. I also want them to respect that what I want is to be dead.
Even feeling marginally better or even quite a bit better for the past week - rTMS has helped me - this is still suffering. I don't want to suffer. I have done so many years of it. I am tired of looking for some magic cure. Why should I get better when so many people do not. There is no magic cure with my name on it.
I spent all day throwing every pill at myself that ever helped - and nothing is helping. I can't make myself functional with anything. I am fighting bullying at the moment, but I don't have the strength as I am not functional enough to pull everything together for the fight.
