Venting I want to ask my psychiatrist if there’s a medication that makes me stop feeling

[regretsandregrets18]

I don't know if it exists, I've started on antidepressants but I don't feel any change.
I want it to kill my lust, my need for love, my need for happiness, for meaning, I want it to make me forget about everything, I want to become mindless, I want to become apathetic, I don't want to feel if I'm not surrounded by love and happiness because only those are meaning of life. The realization that I live in a sick world, and I pushed away the only person who truly loved because I was so afraid of it, and now I'm on my own again. I can't bare it, if a person can handle loneliness, that person is sick, but I want real connection and I want it now. I just want the pain to end, why is there so much pain
Does anyone know how I can't stop feeling anything without using illicit drugs?

 

[babyneo1]

I'm on strong medication and it doesn't help that much, maybe I'm more messed up than usual

I will be CTB probably

 

[IHateTheBeach]

I always wanted to be a machine, not apathetic. For a machine without emotions still does it's job, so I to do my duties without emotions instead of lying in bed due to apathy. But it's feels impossible to achieve.

 

[Hollowman]

That's what the majority of meds are designed to do. If you keep taking all different kinds for years there's a great chance you'll end up like me. An emotionless zombie.

 

[PersonBeforeLife]

I don't know if it exists, I've started on antidepressants but I don't feel any change.
I want it to kill my lust, my need for love, my need for happiness, for meaning, I want it to make me forget about everything, I want to become mindless, I want to become apathetic, I don't want to feel if I'm not surrounded by love and happiness because only those are meaning of life. The realization that I live in a sick world, and I pushed away the only person who truly loved because I was so afraid of it, and now I'm on my own again. I can't bare it, if a person can handle loneliness, that person is sick, but I want real connection and I want it now. I just want the pain to end, why is there so much pain
Does anyone know how I can't stop feeling anything without using illicit drugs?

Jeez man I feel you. The loneliness . The now part "As the silence of my unlived life becomes a scream."

 

[regretsandregrets18]

That's what the majority of meds are designed to do. If you keep taking all different kinds for years there's a great chance you'll end up like me. An emotionless zombie.

Thank you a lot for your reply, what kinds of medications have you taken?

 

[UserFromNowhere]

That's what the majority of meds are designed to do. If you keep taking all different kinds for years there's a great chance you'll end up like me. An emotionless zombie.

Depends on your own constitution.

I don't know if it exists, I've started on antidepressants but I don't feel any change.
I want it to kill my lust, my need for love, my need for happiness, for meaning, I want it to make me forget about everything, I want to become mindless, I want to become apathetic, I don't want to feel if I'm not surrounded by love and happiness because only those are meaning of life. The realization that I live in a sick world, and I pushed away the only person who truly loved because I was so afraid of it, and now I'm on my own again. I can't bare it, if a person can handle loneliness, that person is sick, but I want real connection and I want it now. I just want the pain to end, why is there so much pain
Does anyone know how I can't stop feeling anything without using illicit drugs?

I feel that. I've been in a much similar mindset myself, that it'd be better to just not feel anything, to operate mechanically so to speak. Some antidepressants have higher rates of reported emotional blunting than others, but as above, it depends on ones own personal circumstances and responses to medication, which is unpredictable. Personally, I'd recommend looking into philosophies like stoicism or Epicureanism. It might not completely get rid of the emotions, but it can help one respond to them.

 

[Hollowman]

Thank you a lot for your reply, what kinds of medications have you taken?

More than I can remember. Everything except benzos.